Trendy Funny Quotes

  • Note to self: Very important! First hang up, then insult.
  • Horoscope: Many good things are in store for you! Unfortunately, the store is closed for repairs.
  • Interviewer: Can I get you anything? Me: Yeah, a job!
  • Going to the beach the day after watching Jaws hits different.
  • My employer is totally caring. They pay so poorly that I can’t afford to have an alcohol or drug problem.
  • Ok, new plan, I’m gonna marry a Kardashian.