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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇻🇪 has copied:

“Your password is too weak!” Just wait until you see my impulse control.

Someone from 🇫🇮 has viewed:

Babies sighing is so funny to me. My dear, the time to sigh has not come.

Someone from 🇸🇪 has shared:

Thanksgiving ain’t been the same ever since my uncle pulled that gun out on everybody.

Someone from 🇳🇪 has viewed:

Ok, new plan, I’m gonna marry a Kardashian.

Someone from 🇦🇪 has bookmarked:

I used to think that the older you get, the wiser and more self-confident you become. I now know that you just get tired more quickly.

Someone from 🇧🇪 has viewed:

If you live in the same hemisphere as me, you’ve probably already heard me sneeze.

Someone from 🇧🇷 has downloaded:

I am brilliantly social for one and a half hours, and then I need to recover in my bedroom cave for two days.

Someone from 🇨🇩 has shared:

If Stranger Things was British, it would be called ‘Bit odd, innit?’

Someone from 🇰🇿 has copied:

Before marriage, I would sit at a stoplight for hours because I had no one to tell me the light had changed to green.

Someone from 🇧🇮 has copied:

“Can’t wait till I get older” was the dumbest thing I ever said.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Jan 2, 2026

3,264

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on WeChat:

“Thank you for choosing Amtrak.” No problem. There are no other trains.

Spotted on Discord:

I’m going to be real pissed if I get my shit together and the world ends.

Making waves on Twitch:

IP address? You mean the bathroom?

Just landed via Snapchat:

You know you’re the father of teen boys when a shoe print on the ceiling no longer fazes you.

Just shared via WeChat:

Don’t be alarmed at my semicolon usage; I’m a professional.

Spreading quickly via TikTok:

Penguins are just ducks going to a wedding.

Trending via WhatsApp:

Line dancing was created by women waiting to use the restroom.

Spotted on LinkedIn:

Worst fears: 1. being infertile 2. being pregnant.

Just shared via WhatsApp:

You’d think, with the amount of overthinking I do, I’d make the right decision.

Freshly posted on Instagram:

Being quiet in a room full of loud people is my favorite sport.

My addiction to buying things I don’t need started at the school book fair.

2 months ago

0

My addiction to buying things I don’t need started at the school book fair.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Ah, the classic origin story of every shopaholic! Who knew that the innocent school book fair would be the gateway to a lifelong struggle with unnecessary purchases? 🛍️💸 Just imagine the classroom vibes turning into a shopaholic's paradise. Be warned, folks, those book fairs are a slippery slope into a world of impulse buys and overflowing closets! 😂 #ShopaholicInTraining"

addiction, book, book fair, buying, childhood, fair, humor, i, need, nostalgia, school, spending, things, unnecessary

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Can anyone recommend some good places for somebody just getting into visiting?

0

2 months ago

activity, adventure, advice, anyone, experience, exploration, fun, fun activity, getting, good, just, new, new experience, places, recommend, recommendation, sightseeing, somebody, travel, visiting
So many people these days are too judgmental. I can tell just by looking at them.

0

5 months ago

commentary, days, humor, i, irony, judgmental, just, looking, observation, people, social, social commentary, tell, too
I assume my soulmate has sold his soul to the devil.

0

2 months ago

assume, devil, humor, i, irony, sold, soul, soulmate, supernatural
Is it too late to reset my life back to factory settings?

0

2 months ago

back, crisis, existential, existential crisis, factory, factory settings, humor, late, life, reset, settings
Apple juice tastes like it wants to be alcohol, but it’s too shy.

0

5 months ago

alcohol, apple, apple juice, drink, fruit, fruit juice, humor, juice, shy, taste, too, wants
I regret to inform you that the secret to appearing well-read is to read.

0

2 months ago

appearing, books, humor, i, inform, irony, knowledge, read, regret, secret, well-read

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

62 shares on YouTube this month:

Forced to say “it’s okay” instead of throwing a chair at them.

81 shares on Reddit this month:

Stop roasting yourself, you’re not a marshmallow.

73 shares on WhatsApp this month:

My favorite condiment is Worcestershire sauce. Why? It’s hard to say.

69 shares on Twitch this month:

To the people who have only fans, what’s stopping you from upgrading to an air conditioner?

65 shares on WeChat this month:

I am like a wildflower, a quiet rebellion blooming through ruins and dust.

17 shares on Threads this month:

I’m not calling anyone daddy unless I’m asking for money for the mall.

68 shares on Telegram this month:

People who ask “Can I call you” are so sweet. Like, obviously you cannot, but so sweet.

10 shares on Discord this month:

Opening the web before 9am is crazy. Like, did you even try to have a good day?

94 shares on YouTube this month:

When you bury a body, cover it with endangered plants, so it’s illegal to dig it up. Follow me for more gardening tips!

77 shares on TikTok this month:

You either get a kid who eats like a bottomless pit, or you get one that when asked what they want for lunch answers “No thanks, I had lunch yesterday.”

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

6 folks are currently checking 👀

I hate porn that starts off with sex. I need to know why they have sex.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

Oh, so ChatGPT is gonna tell me about me? Seems gossipy.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

My favorite dance move is trying to get out of my own way.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

Stop expecting people to be as cool as you, it’s a recipe for disappointment.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

Sorry, can you repeat what you said? I didn’t have my glasses on.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

If you step on the back of my shoe and it comes off, I will do the same thing to your head.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

Just read the Ten Commandments for the first time and you can’t do shit with your neighbor.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

Mission Impossible theme song plays in my head when I’m trying to remember a password.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

I’ve added lunges to my workout routine. It’s a big step forward.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m the type of person to go back to sleep and try to finish a dream.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,273

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇾 has bookmarked:

Once you find a pair of pants that fit you perfectly, it’s over for all your other pants.

Someone from 🇧🇹 has copied:

Just bought a new umbrella for the person that finds it tomorrow.

Someone from 🇹🇲 has shared:

I’m getting to the age where it’s rude to pull out a bottle of ibuprofen if I don’t have enough for everyone.

Someone from 🇸🇧 has copied:

It’s amazing how so many people can rave about Star Wars or Star Trek and at the same time make sure that the only realistic future prospect is Mad Max.

Someone from 🇮🇳 has copied:

Pretty sure they’re naming prescription drugs by just grabbing random Scrabble tiles. “Oh hey, Qdilrox sounds good.”

Someone from 🇦🇹 has downloaded:

Petition to add fitted sheet folding to the olympics.

Someone from 🇧🇴 has downloaded:

“Well, this is no good. How do I turn it off?” – The first primate to experience consciousness.

Someone from 🇳🇿 has viewed:

The funniest thing about Batman is that he legitimately doesn’t give a shit about crime that happens during the day.

Someone from 🇮🇹 has copied:

At my next therapy session, I will be discussing the trauma I’ve been dealing with ever since the grocery store layout was altered.

Someone from 🇭🇳 has downloaded:

It’s amazing how cats can ignore you with both ears.

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Facebook:

It’s been so long since I had sex last, went jogging in flip flops just to remember the sound.

Broadcasted on Slack:

Paid my mortgage so don’t ask me to come out. I’m getting my money’s worth.

Trending via Snapchat:

If you occasionally blow on your bourbon during a Zoom meeting, the other folks will think you’re enjoying a hot cup of tea.

Trending via Threads:

You’ve never burned music to a CD, and it shows.

Live now on Telegram:

On average, my daily actions demonstrate I’m probably good at something else.

Trending via Reddit:

This meeting could have been a pajama party.

Just landed via Facebook:

Not arguing with a man that can cook. Whatever you say, handsome.

Just shared via WeChat:

I’ve been following this strict diet all week and so far all I’ve lost is my patience.

Making waves on WhatsApp:

You are the wind beneath my overly sensitive, motion-activated floodlight.

Trending via Twitch:

A bathrobe is being naked with plausible deniability and pockets.

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