Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇺 has viewed:

Having children is like living in a frat house – nobody sleeps, everything’s broken, and there’s a lot of throwing up.

Someone from 🇦🇿 has bookmarked:

At my funeral, sit me up so I can see who’s talking to my man.

Someone from 🇹🇷 has bookmarked:

Soft launching your call out the next day by telling everyone at work your stomach feels a little weird.

Someone from 🇧🇩 has downloaded:

Meds have done more for me than any man ever could.

Someone from 🇩🇯 has viewed:

“Love is in the air.” Wrong. Microplastics.

Someone from 🇸🇬 has downloaded:

“Made with love,” means I licked the spoon and kept using it.

Someone from 🇯🇲 has shared:

The fastest mammal on earth is the smartass on the web.

Someone from 🇺🇾 has bookmarked:

If only guys would moan in bed like they do in the gym…

Someone from 🇬🇭 has shared:

Girls these days are like a box of chocolates. Some have nuts.

Someone from 🇱🇷 has viewed:

The goal is to make your therapist cry.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

234 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,503

Funny Quotes Topics

17,569

Funny Quotes Images

15,503

Updated

Jan 6, 2026

Users Online

3,327

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Threads:

I thought I needed a drink. Turns out what I really needed was a divorce.

Seen just now on Discord:

I bet the guy who named the sperm whale wasn’t allowed to name things anymore after that.

Shared recently on Facebook:

I told my GPS I needed direction in life, and now it insists on recalculating every hour.

Trending via Messenger:

I’ve come to the conclusion that my guardian angel is very possessive about me.

Freshly posted on Threads:

Given the amount of clowns around here, you’d think it would be more entertaining.

Breaking via YouTube:

Welcome to your 40s, your level of cleaning is directly related to whether your guest can see without readers.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

I heard you like bad girls. Well, I’m bad. At everything.

Live now on WeChat:

You should be allowed to leave work early if you are really in love.

Breaking via YouTube:

I don’t know about you guys, but when I have to make a decision I analyze the situation, evaluate the risk, take measures to limit the consequences and then I completely screw up.

Going viral on Facebook:

Look, the problem with The Life of a Showgirl is that, for maybe the first time in her music career, Taylor Swift has nothing to say.

My body is a temple. An ancient, creaky temple with questionable plumbing.

5 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
When my body requires renovations, it involves more yoga and less duct tape 😂🏛️🛠️

ancient, body, creaky, humor, plumbing, questionable, temple

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

My mental health is as reliable as a flashlight in a horror film.

0

2 months ago

anxiety, fear, film, flashlight, health, horror, horror film, humor, mental, mental health, reliability
This tape doesn’t even taste like scotch.

0

2 months ago

even, humor, joke, scotch, tape, taste
I’m an expert at having a really funny story to tell and then wording it so badly that it’s not even funny anymore.

0

2 months ago

communication, even, expert, Funny, funny story, having, humor, joke, language, mistake, story, storytelling, tell, wording
The moon is literally dragging the oceans around, and you think your body shouldn’t feel it?

0

5 months ago

around, body, feel, feeling, humor, literally, moon, ocean, science, think, tide
This year, the feliz is not navidading.

0

2 weeks ago

Christmas, festive, festive season, holiday, humor, phrase, season, Spanish, Spanish phrase, wordplay, year
Watching true crime documentaries so I can learn from their mistakes.

0

2 months ago

crime, crime genre, documentary, entertainment, genre, humor, i, learn, learning, mistakes, sarcastic, true, true crime, watching, witty

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

81 shares on Telegram this month:

Took the road less travelled after buying the sat nav less expensive.

68 shares on Discord this month:

I just tried to poach an egg and I now understand why Eggs Benedict is $23

68 shares on Snapchat this month:

No matter how old you are, an empty Christmas wrapping tube is still a fun thing to bonk someone over the head with.

53 shares on Snapchat this month:

I dare you to try and be more single than me.

83 shares on Discord this month:

It’s only a family vacation if you think “We’re never doing this again” at least once.

75 shares on X this month:

Called in, “If we’re living in a simulation, just simulate that I’m in the office today.”

18 shares on Slack this month:

I met the real Santa tonight, and he said you’re all in trouble.

42 shares on Snapchat this month:

As long as I’m alive, I can begin again and again and again, again and again and again, again and again and again.

25 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Many fruits can be great names… but the real challenge is naming a child after a vegetable….

47 shares on Reddit this month:

Like most people my age, I’m 50.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇹 has bookmarked:

If a door closes, you can just open it again. That is a door. Doors work like this.

Someone from 🇨🇭 has bookmarked:

I’m capable of doing a lot of things but listening to people chew their food is not one of them.

Someone from 🇪🇨 has bookmarked:

I wish British people had subtitles so I knew what they are on about.

Someone from 🇹🇼 has viewed:

There is nothing an orgasm can’t fix, I have researched it extensively.

Someone from 🇧🇪 has copied:

Meteorologists are always talking about the weather and hardly ever about meteors.

Someone from 🇻🇳 has copied:

I love making the whole conversation so awkward that the most anyone can say after is “so yeah…”

Someone from 🇱🇸 has bookmarked:

My phone is on Do Not Disturb because I am disturbed enough as it is.

Someone from 🇸🇲 has shared:

Sorry for not keeping in touch. I literally have nothing to say.

Someone from 🇨🇱 has bookmarked:

Always keep a bottle of wine in the fridge for special occasions. Like Wednesday.

Someone from 🇪🇬 has viewed:

Forget tagging friends, I want to be able to tag my enemies.

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Telegram:

On the internet it’s super easy to take credit for stuff you had nothing to do with. That’s why I invented it.

Making waves on Instagram:

I haven’t exaggerated in like a million years.

Shared recently on Telegram:

Just so you know, what you now call an energy bar is what my father gave the canary.

Spotted on WeChat:

Grok just sounds like something that might try to eat me.

Live now on Instagram:

Isolation, the most goated coping mechanism. I love talking to no one and losing my mind alone.

Live now on Reddit:

I don’t think fish should be allowed to eat other fish. I don’t know. Just seems weird. That’s like your coworker, dude.

Freshly posted on Twitch:

We just accepted air fryers and never once questioned how air fries things.

Going bananas on Reddit:

After a month away and enough pasta to scare an Italian grandma, I can confirm: too much Parmesan? Never heard of her.

Just landed via WeChat:

“It could be drugs,” I tell myself as I buy more books.

Spotted on Snapchat:

“You’re so quiet.” Thanks, I’m not comfortable around you.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

My body is a temple. An ancient, creaky temple with questionable plumbing.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

My mental health is as reliable as a flashlight in a horror film.

This tape doesn’t even taste like scotch.

I’m an expert at having a really funny story to tell and then wording it so badly that it’s not even funny anymore.

The moon is literally dragging the oceans around, and you think your body shouldn’t feel it?

This year, the feliz is not navidading.

Watching true crime documentaries so I can learn from their mistakes.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨