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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇵🇪 has bookmarked:

Imagine hearing the ice cream truck music, but at night.

Someone from 🇬🇷 has downloaded:

Getting older is realizing how great doing nothing is.

Someone from 🇨🇭 has downloaded:

I have no prime. I will evolve till I die.

Someone from 🇧🇬 has downloaded:

I always thought orthopaedic shoes were overrated, but I stand corrected.

Someone from 🇫🇷 has bookmarked:

Revenge has no expiry date. I will deal with you when I’m ready.

Someone from 🇯🇲 has viewed:

This too shall pass. It might pass like a kidney stone. But it will pass.

Someone from 🇨🇱 has bookmarked:

People who own banana costumes will wear that shit to anything.

Someone from 🇫🇷 has copied:

Probably always gonna be the weirdo that believes in magic.

Someone from 🇸🇪 has viewed:

Tequila won’t fix your life, but it’s worth a shot.

Someone from 🇨🇷 has downloaded:

I was going to do some yoga today, but had a donut instead.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

2246 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

12,408

Funny Quotes Topics

15,116

Funny Quotes Images

12,408

1 hour ago

3,449

Social Media Log 💫

Spreading quickly via YouTube:

You look like you take lavender bubble baths with rose petals, surrounded by candles, bro.

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

Apparently, it’s rude to poke someone in the forehead and yell “Skip Intro” when they start talking to you.

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

I don’t care for the term drug mule, why can’t it be a drug unicorn.

Live now on YouTube:

I can keep my mouth shut, but you can read the subtitles on my face.

Breaking via Facebook:

I can feel your energy from two planets away.

Just shared via YouTube:

How many calories do you burn waiting to hear back?

Shared recently on WhatsApp:

The walk of shame, except it’s me at a bowling alley walking back to sit down after I knock down zero pins with bumpers.

Shared recently on YouTube:

Every time I watch “The Godfather”, I notice some new detail (they’re Italian???).

Live now on TikTok:

Eating the sticker on an apple counts as 35% of your daily fiber intake.

Trending via TikTok:

A plus of getting older is not having to make as much small talk because half the conversation is spent asking the other person to repeat what they just said.

My childhood led me to believe that as an adult I’d have to contend with truth serum, lava, quicksand, trap doors, and secret passageways. So far it’s mostly been weight gain and existential dread.

6 months ago

My childhood led me to believe that as an adult I’d have to contend with truth serum, lava, quicksand, trap doors, and secret passageways. So far it’s mostly been weight gain and existential dread.

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Commentary:
"Who else feels misled by our childhood expectations? I was fully prepared for a life of dodging secret passageways, but all I got was the ol' weight gain and existential dread combo deal 🤷‍♂️🔮 Keep calm and watch out for that quicksand, folks! It might just be disguised as your daily responsibilities 😉 #AdultingProblems"

adult, adulthood, believe, childhood, door, doors, dread, existential, existential dread, expectations, gain, humor, ID, irony, lava, led, me, passageway, quicksand, secret, secret passageway, serum, trap, trap door, truth, truth serum, weight, weight gain

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

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Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

2246 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

12,408

Funny Quotes Topics

15,116

Funny Quotes Images

12,408

1 hour ago

3,449

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇱🇺 has viewed:

I can do anything, as long as there’s a looming deadline and serious consequences.

Someone from 🇹🇹 has downloaded:

My superpower is holding onto stuff for years and throwing it away exactly one week before I need it.

Someone from 🇮🇸 has shared:

I should’ve been an air conditioner because all I do is vent.

Someone from 🇹🇲 has bookmarked:

Taking a phone to school in primary was like smuggling drugs.

Someone from 🇧🇭 has shared:

The most realistic scene in Star Wars was when Darth Vader lost his cool during a staff meeting and used the force to choke a coworker.

Someone from 🇹🇩 has copied:

I don’t like the person I become when I’m alone in the break room with a box of donuts.

Someone from 🇦🇬 has bookmarked:

I don’t have a favorite vampire. If you ask me, they all suck.

Someone from 🇹🇩 has copied:

You’re all badass until that dust bunny in the corner is a real spider.

Someone from 🇺🇸 has bookmarked:

I honestly have no idea what a vitamin is. It’s in a banana but it’s also the sun? Sure.

Someone from 🇰🇷 has bookmarked:

According to autocorrect, my favorite Star Wars character is Bob’s Feet.

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via Snapchat:

All I’m saying is that I’m closer to being a millionaire than Jeff Bezos is.

Trending via Pinterest:

(british guy unhooking your bra) All right, what’s all this, then?

Just shared via Pinterest:

I named my dog “5 Miles,” so I can tell people I walk 5 miles every day.

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

Hey bro, please stop using all the good skipping rocks at the river.

Trending via WhatsApp:

Told my boss I was going to the bathroom but didn’t say which one. Now I’m at home.

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

A Twitter swear jar could end world hunger.

Trending via Threads:

My kids wanted a spooky story from the olden days so I told them the internet used to scream when you turned it on.

Spotted on Threads:

I think something is so beautifully wrong with you.

Reported on Telegram:

Hope this email finds you moonwalking out of work early.

Spreading quickly via WhatsApp:

I am such a fun person and so easy to get along with as long as the layout I have secretly imagined for the entire day goes exactly as I planned it without variation or interruption.

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