Trending Funny Quotes 👇

  • When I die, I want to go peacefully like my grandfather did, in his sleep, not screaming, like the passengers in his car.
  • My handwriting makes a pharmacist look like a calligrapher.
  • Today I started gardening. I planted myself in front of the TV and I sat there the entire day.
  • Seems like paleontologists always have a bone to pick.
  • Things I don’t want in my future house: An angry man.
  • Sunday is my favorite day where I pretend I’m going to do something productive.