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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇳🇦 has viewed:

Taking a guy from skinny jeans to linen trousers, that’s my way of giving back to society.

Someone from 🇨🇺 has copied:

My first mistake was leaving the womb.

Someone from 🇰🇳 has bookmarked:

In a previous life I may have been a carrier pigeon, in that all I ever think about is going home.

Someone from 🇬🇪 has shared:

“Can my boyfriend come?” Will he contribute to our conversation, at least one question?

Someone from 🇱🇺 has copied:

Parents saying “I know my child” will forever be the funniest joke.

Someone from 🇵🇰 has copied:

I would like you to meet my significant other. Her name is Cheese.

Someone from 🇨🇬 has downloaded:

Sure, I could keep my thoughts to myself but I can’t see “Likes” in my journal.

Someone from 🇱🇨 has shared:

I hope the ghost of Michael Jackson Hee-Hee’s in your ear while you tryna sleep.

Someone from 🇱🇺 has shared:

I’ve been doing Dry January, but it’s literally just been my lips and skin.

Someone from 🇵🇪 has bookmarked:

Why do people think it’s ok to ask why a person is single? I don’t ask why you’re unhappily married.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,643

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Threads:

I’m either freezing, peeing, or starving.

Trending via Threads:

It’s a beautiful morning. Lots of people out walking their phones.

Seen just now on WeChat:

Why do they call it rush hour when nothing moves?

Seen just now on Reddit:

“I’m doing better than my parents at my age. They had, like, no followers.”

Just shared via Reddit:

It’s not about the cards you’re dealt, but how you play the hand you’ve got hidden up your sleeve.

Seen just now on Snapchat:

Wooden pews are designed to maximize the shame of farting in church.

Spreading quickly via Discord:

Forget pheromones, barbecue smells are always attractive.

Shared recently on WeChat:

I remember when “disinformation” used to be called “lies.”

Going viral on Threads:

I am absolutely unstoppable, unless it’s a bit rainy.

Just shared via X:

Lately I have the attention span of wait what?

My life changed when I learned some house spiders can’t survive outside, so now I just catch them and release them in a friend’s home.

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My life changed when I learned some house spiders can’t survive outside, so now I just catch them and release them in a friend’s home.
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Commentary:
"Who knew that becoming a spider relocation specialist was the key to making new friends? 🕷️🏡 Now your house spiders are networking while your friends are calling exterminators! Talk about social mobility in the arachnid world! 🕸️😄"

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

38 shares on Discord this month:

A girl, her bed, and TV series on a Friday evening is a true love story.

28 shares on Discord this month:

Kissing while both wearing baseball caps is so hard. How do baseball players do it?

21 shares on Facebook this month:

Lord of the Rings is a story about a brave little Hobbit on a mission to destroy a ring and save the world, and his annoying friend Frodo.

93 shares on Twitch this month:

I talk a lot of shit for someone who is startled by my own toast popping up while I’m watching it. Every. Single. Time.

78 shares on TikTok this month:

Apparently, I’m not even going through a lot; I just need money.

16 shares on Threads this month:

My cats won’t talk to me because I came home late from work.

14 shares on Instagram this month:

Took my car to the mechanic because it was making a terrible noise. He removed the Mariah Carey Christmas CD, and now it’s fine.

90 shares on Telegram this month:

The magician told me to “Pick a card! Any card!” So I took his Visa.

54 shares on Slack this month:

When a girl says “5 mins,” think about it like five minutes left in the 4th quarter, and both teams have all their timeouts.

67 shares on Discord this month:

Words I heard most when I ran errands with my dad: “Wait in the truck.”

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

23 folks are currently checking 👀

“Those tattoos will make it harder to get a job!” Okay, well so will my personality.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

One of the kids said, “Camping looks fun,” so tonight we’re watching The Revenant.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m at the age where a house arrest no longer sounds like the worst thing.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

Who really needs jetpacks, I want to be able to start over from my last save point.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

Once when I was exercising, I realized that I was allergic to it. I was out of breath, sweating and my heart was racing.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

The difference between a Lamborghini and a dead body is that I don’t have a Lamborghini in my garage.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

I am cool with January lasting forever because rent is due February 1.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

Do you ever wish you could just walk away mid-conversation when you’re bored?

23 folks are currently checking 👀

For financial reasons, I will be passing away.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

I need a vacation, but the kind where everyone else leaves, and I have my house to myself for a few days.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,255

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇼 has copied:

I hurt my bottom after shaking it at the office party. It was a twerk-place injury.

Someone from 🇧🇩 has viewed:

You ever notice how fans of the worst music always focus on the meanings of the songs instead of the actual music?

Someone from 🇵🇰 has viewed:

My body feels like it’s aging in dog years.

Someone from 🇦🇪 has copied:

Gordon Ramsay is making us dinner. It’s a four curse meal.

Someone from 🇸🇪 has copied:

You can tell they named the aardvark early in the week and the anteater on a Friday.

Someone from 🇷🇸 has bookmarked:

Get a puppy if you are in the market for a best friend who gets you up early so she can bite you excitedly.

Someone from 🇯🇵 has shared:

I may have bags under my eyes, but they’re Versace.

Someone from 🇳🇬 has copied:

I can understand why chickens wake up and scream.

Someone from 🇨🇺 has copied:

She poured the milk before the cereal. It was not meant to be.

Someone from 🇨🇬 has shared:

Wow, you did such a great job clicking in your little spreadsheets today. Super proud of you.

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on TikTok:

Coffee: Because without it I would be a serious danger to society.

Trending via Threads:

You are closer to the street than you will ever be to any billionaire.

Just landed via LinkedIn:

I’m an adult, that’s why I can have Skittles for dinner.

Just landed via Snapchat:

Political ads be like: send us money so we can send you more ads.

Spreading quickly via Telegram:

My life coach traded me.

Going viral on Telegram:

I hope you catch the bouquet at my funeral.

Spreading quickly via X:

Nothing ruins a Friday like realizing it’s only Wednesday.

Just shared via Messenger:

If a man says he’ll fix it, he will fix it. There’s no need to remind him every six months.

Going bananas on WeChat:

Going out with 38% battery and no boyfriend.

Making waves on Reddit:

I want a president who promises no jobs. I don’t want to have a job.

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