Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇳🇱 has copied:

There’s a rhyming Italian expression for saying “take it or leave it” that goes “o mangi questa minestra o salti dalla finestra”. It means “either eat this soup or throw yourself out the window”.

Someone from 🇧🇯 has viewed:

I love ordering things online because when they arrive it’s like a present from me to me.

Someone from 🇱🇾 has downloaded:

Wow, this is a really nice, sturdy box. I should keep it in the attic for the next 20 years.

Someone from 🇵🇱 has shared:

I can’t do the splits. But so far there has never been a situation where I’ve thought, “I should do the splits now.”

Someone from 🇳🇿 has bookmarked:

Everyone’s an expert after the fact.

Someone from 🇾🇪 has downloaded:

I could win awards for having a bad memory. In fact, I probably did. How would I know.

Someone from 🇺🇸 has bookmarked:

Girls will be like “it’s fine” then start drawing a pentagram in blood on their floorboards.

Someone from 🇱🇦 has copied:

Gaslighting myself into thinking I’m in a good mood.

Someone from 🇧🇪 has viewed:

“Autism didn’t exist until recently!” Have you met old guys who work in hardware stores?

Someone from 🇮🇹 has downloaded:

We are both insane on the web, I think we can make it work.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

798 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,960

Funny Quotes Topics

13,930

Funny Quotes Images

10,960

9 minutes ago

3,442

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Twitch:

I was feeling kinda lonely this morning so I glued a coffee cup to the top of my car so people would wave at me.

Seen just now on Threads:

The thing I hate most about my stationary bike is having to pick it up and turn it around for the return trip.

Breaking via Reddit:

My Facebook friends are like my pen collection. I have 100 but only one writes.

Spotted on Instagram:

My mental health is as reliable as a flashlight in a horror film.

Broadcasted on X:

When is this robot army coming to take my job?

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

Misses Claus only married Santa because of his big sack.

Trending via LinkedIn:

Oligarchy sounds like something you dip your breadstick in at the olive garden.

Breaking via Instagram:

I hope we get the nice AI that enslaves us and makes us their pets and not the bad AI that enslaves us to mine lithium or something.

Shared recently on Reddit:

Wanna perform obscene blood rituals under the full moon, or nah?

Broadcasted on Telegram:

Okay, seen enough, someone put a blanket over my cage.

My life coach told me I didn’t make the team.

5 months ago

My life coach told me I didn’t make the team.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Well, who needs a life coach when you've got rejection coming at you left and right? 🤷‍♂️ Looks like even the team didn't want you, but hey, at least you have a great sense of humor to fall back on! 😉 Just think of it as an opportunity to excel in solo sports like napping or Netflix marathons. 🏆 Keep that chin up, champ!

advice, coach, failure, humor, i, life, life coach, me, motivation, self-improvement, sports, team, told

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

New Funny Quotes

Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

798 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,960

Funny Quotes Topics

13,930

Funny Quotes Images

10,960

9 minutes ago

3,431

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇦 has downloaded:

Toddlers negotiate like tiny mob bosses: it’s the hard way or the harder way.

Someone from 🇻🇪 has downloaded:

No one comes off looking worse than the third party who was asked to interfere in a couple fight.

Someone from 🇨🇦 has downloaded:

Traffic is the fault of the guy immediately in front of you.

Someone from 🇪🇪 has viewed:

Gonna waterboard my houseplants so they know who’s the boss.

Someone from 🇨🇱 has copied:

Daylight savings is not enough. You need to be daylight investing.

Someone from 🇩🇰 has downloaded:

I was living in the moment until I was evicted.

Someone from 🇳🇱 has viewed:

That awkward shopping moment when someone is standing in front of the items you need and you pretend you’re shopping for something else because they just won’t budge.

Someone from 🇰🇭 has downloaded:

Once again, I have fallen for life’s biggest scam: being two hours early for a flight only for security to take roughly seven minutes.

Someone from 🇱🇷 has viewed:

It’s funny how cats have ears on top of their head, but don’t use them.

Someone from 🇨🇷 has viewed:

Just because I’m awake doesn’t mean I’m ready to do things.

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on X:

I bet the inventor of the cannon would be relieved to know that they’re mostly about t-shirts now.

Seen just now on Telegram:

The real advantage of being self-employed is that you don’t have to go to a Christmas party.

Just landed via Snapchat:

Socks try to be monogamous but most end up either single or having multiple different partners.

Breaking via WeChat:

My new drivers license arrived and when I opened it, I gasped. How’d they get a picture of my mother?

Freshly posted on X:

If it was really a smart phone, it would have recognize that it was an ignored call, not missed.

Making waves on LinkedIn:

Call a girl beautiful 1000 times and she won’t notice. Call her fat once and she will never forget. That’s because elephants never forget.

Broadcasted on Telegram:

My signature move is forgetting someone’s name 2 seconds after they tell me.

Trending via Telegram:

Called in, “I can either stay home today and learn to play this accordion or bring it in with me. Your call.”

Shared recently on Snapchat:

Quitting my job to focus on watching YouTube.

Spotted on Facebook:

I’m only grumpy when I’m awake.

Share Wordgag 🙏

© 2025. All fights retarded. 🤪

Made with ❤️ in Sydney ☀️🌴