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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇻🇨 has bookmarked:

Having hoes in different area codes sounds really exhausting.

Someone from 🇬🇲 has shared:

I would go out more if there weren’t any humans out there.

Someone from 🇪🇪 has bookmarked:

If I ever went to jail for murder, it would be for murdering my printer.

Someone from 🇳🇪 has downloaded:

Life would be so much easier if you could push a button that makes dickheads fall through a trap door in the floor.

Someone from 🇭🇳 has downloaded:

Why sleep when you can stay up all night overthinking?

Someone from 🇹🇿 has downloaded:

These people act like they’ve never seen anyone wearing a Speedo in a laundromat before.

Someone from 🇲🇪 has downloaded:

Be the horrifying lore of your family’s lineage.

Someone from 🇹🇿 has bookmarked:

Everything is awful, and no one is going to save you from this treacherous world. Oops, I mean, happy Friday!

Someone from 🇳🇦 has copied:

I keep all my valuables near the front door so if burglars breaks in during the night they will not wake me up.

Someone from 🇲🇭 has viewed:

When you are stressed you eat ice cream, cake, chocolate and sweets, because stressed spelled backwards is desserts.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

764 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,926

Funny Quotes Topics

13,898

Funny Quotes Images

10,926

Updated

30 minutes ago

Users Online

3,417

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Snapchat:

Bob is my nickname. Robert is my nicholasname.

Spotted on WeChat:

I make her eyes roll back. Not in bed though. I’m just annoying.

Going viral on LinkedIn:

I wish companies would use pictures of models looking frazzled and exhausted on their websites, so I can get a real idea of what their clothes will look like on me.

Freshly posted on WeChat:

Eight times a day, I ask myself which object in the office will hurt me enough so that I can go home, but at the same time won’t hurt too much.

Shared recently on Facebook:

For the amount of meat you get out of clam, I feel like we could just leave them alone.

Going viral on WeChat:

I didn’t go to the Carribean, my tan is from standing in front of the rotisserie chicken at Costco.

Making waves on Snapchat:

I heard a mouse yesterday. So now I loudly announce myself whenever I enter a dark room. In case you’re wondering how brave I am.

Seen just now on TikTok:

Spending 5 minutes looking up every word I want to use in a sentence to make sure I can define it in case they ask.

Seen just now on TikTok:

Sorry I missed your call 8 months ago. Is everything okay?

Breaking via Discord:

My soul leaving my body when the lecturer says “let’s hear from someone who hasn’t spoken yet”

My love life feels like when you finally spot an open space in a full parking lot — and then boom, it’s a motorcycle.

My love life feels like when you finally spot an open space in a full parking lot — and then boom, it’s a motorcycle.
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Commentary:
"Story of my life: always parking my heart's hopes in the 'No Cars Allowed' zone! 🏍️💔😂"

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Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

764 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,926

Funny Quotes Topics

13,898

Funny Quotes Images

10,926

Updated

30 minutes ago

Users Online

3,420

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇵🇱 has bookmarked:

I’m sorry, I didn’t realize how quiet your bathroom exhaust fan was.

Someone from 🇸🇪 has bookmarked:

All of my problems boil down to me being bad at being alive.

Someone from 🇸🇩 has shared:

I think I’m closer to retirement than to a relationship.

Someone from 🇮🇪 has bookmarked:

Pets don’t talk because the moment they do, the government will tax them.

Someone from 🇲🇭 has viewed:

People always love to claim that a celebrity’s death is “unexpected”, but they never actually release the data on which celebrities they expected to die that day.

Someone from 🇩🇿 has shared:

Mission Impossible theme song plays in my head when I’m trying to remember a password.

Someone from 🇧🇳 has viewed:

I don’t care if my parents are disappointed in me, I’m not impressed by them either.

Someone from 🇲🇨 has shared:

Plot twist: weed is addicted to me.

Someone from 🇫🇯 has downloaded:

My husband said I use a lot of makeup, so I showed him some makeup tutorials on TikTok and I don’t think he’ll be making that mistake again.

Someone from 🇰🇲 has bookmarked:

Yes, I know there is a really special place in hell for me. It’s called a throne.

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Reddit:

Aliens are coming to Earth, people are going to the Moon, and I am still pushing on a door that says pull.

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

Baby for sale. Refuses to wear shoes.

Seen just now on Slack:

ChatGPT’s primary use is to generate plausible excuses to leave dinner at the in-laws’.

Live now on Discord:

The biggest first-world problem is having your favorite makeup product be discontinued.

Making waves on Telegram:

I was neglecting my root chakra at the time, your honor.

Broadcasted on WhatsApp:

My account is fake, I’m actually your probation officer.

Just landed via Instagram:

If I were Juliet, I would NOT be pleased to find a man standing under my balcony at midnight. Sir, I am in my jim-jams.

Live now on YouTube:

I’m at a point in life where I’m just at a point.

Making waves on Facebook:

Is there a bravery award I can nominate my son for as he managed to eat his toast despite the fact I cut it wrong.

Trending via TikTok:

You should introduce your upper lip to your bottom lip sometime and shut up.

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