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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇵🇰 has bookmarked:

I’m going to write a book about all the things I should have done with my life. l’ll call it my oughtabiography.

Someone from 🇹🇯 has viewed:

Good news, I just decided I don’t care about anything anymore.

Someone from 🇱🇺 has viewed:

I liked the version of you from the other dimension better.

Someone from 🇸🇿 has bookmarked:

Sorry for the things I said when I thought you weren’t listening.

Someone from 🇹🇹 has copied:

The tragedy of my life is that I theoretically know when I shouldn’t say anything. And then I hear myself talking.

Someone from 🇳🇱 has shared:

Wait, some of you are actually seeing for free? No glasses, no contacts? Wow!

Someone from 🇳🇮 has copied:

Me at a nightclub: Where are the chairs?

Someone from 🇲🇹 has copied:

Met my soulmate again today: mashed potatoes and gravy.

Someone from 🇺🇿 has downloaded:

I think I’ll just sit here and waste oxygen all day.

Someone from 🇧🇪 has bookmarked:

Self-help books are brain rot. Return to fiction.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Jan 2, 2026

3,275

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Pinterest:

I’m sorry, but I already have an A.I. boyfriend.

Going viral on Discord:

It’s too bad he never woke up and chose violence. “Bob Ross, mob boss” has a nice ring to it.

Shared recently on WeChat:

If you were the birthday gift I bought my wife some months ago, where would you be hiding?

Seen just now on Facebook:

Sorry, I had feelings. I’ll replace them with jokes right away.

Spotted on Slack:

Remember when you were a kid, you slept on the couch and without saying anything you found yourself in your bed. Now you sleep in your bed and if you say anything, you end up on the couch.

Trending via TikTok:

The thing about Pink Floyd is they take a little while to start singing.

Just shared via Facebook:

The Angry Birds assaulted me and made me rip their disgusting bong.

Trending via WhatsApp:

Reincarnation, in this economy?

Shared recently on YouTube:

Just got my test results back and my cholesterol level is a cheese bratwurst.

Trending via Instagram:

Me watching any modern ad: How is this ad an ad for the thing it’s an ad for?

My only knowledge of animals is that turtles like pizza and cats like lasagna.

2 months ago

0

My only knowledge of animals is that turtles like pizza and cats like lasagna.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Ah, the timeless wisdom of the Ninja Turtles and Garfield 🐢🍕🐱🍝 Who needs zoology when pop culture teaches us everything we need to know about animals and their favorite foods? Maybe next we'll discover that unicorns have a sweet tooth for cotton candy 😉🦄"

animals, cat, cats, food, humor, knowledge, lasagna, pizza, turtle, turtles

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

I miss when there were so many episodes of every show that they all eventually did one where it was hot, and the air conditioning went out.

0

2 months ago

air, air conditioning, conditioning, episode, episodes, every, heat, hot, humor, i, inconvenience, miss, nostalgia, show, sitcom, summer, TV, TV Show, where
Due to personal reasons, I’ve decided to become your problem.

0

2 months ago

decision, due, humor, personal, personal reason, problem, reason, reasons
Nothing bad can happen while you’re under a blanket. Just remember that.

0

1 month ago

bad, blanket, comfort, cozy, happen, humor, just, nothing, protection, remember, safety, under, while
I’m at the age where an uncomfortable bed will have me injured for a couple of days.

0

5 months ago

age, bed, couple, days, discomfort, injured, injury, me, recovery, sleep, uncomfortable, where
Іf you’re sad about being alone on Valentine’s Day, just remember that nobody loves you on any other day of the year either.

0

2 months ago

alone, being, day, humor, irony, joke, just, loneliness, love, nobody, relationship, remember, sad, single, Valentine, year
I wish I could just drop my body off at the gym and pick it up later.

0

2 months ago

body, drop, drop off, exercise, fitness, gym, humor, i, just, later, pick, pick-up, wish

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

85 shares on Telegram this month:

I used to love going out with people. Now I weigh the pros and cons of human interaction, like it’s a business decision.

11 shares on Slack this month:

Yeah, sex is cool, but have you ever crawled out of the worst depression of your life and got your spark back?

79 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Billionaires didn’t get rich by working harder. They got rich by making sure you work harder, get paid less, and spend more.

37 shares on Discord this month:

You try to fart in the toilet in the morning without waking the whole house and thanks to the brilliant acoustics of the toilet bowl, the horn of Gondor sounds.

78 shares on Instagram this month:

I like my Jims slim and my chances fat.

45 shares on YouTube this month:

Went for a walk. Very pleasant evening. The squirrels and rabbits kept running away from me. That stung a little. I will remember their faces.

94 shares on Messenger this month:

My grandfather tried to warn them about the Titanic. He screamed and shouted about the iceberg and how the ship was going to sink, but all they did was throw him out of the theater.

49 shares on Snapchat this month:

The reason I don’t trust polls is because the people being polled are people who willingly answer the phone when an unknown number is calling them.

73 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Your childhood wasn’t complete unless you were chased by a dog… or a goat… or even worse, a chicken.

79 shares on Threads this month:

This is not an empty room, this is a very successful anti-party.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

13 folks are currently checking 👀

I like my mornings to be slow and quiet. I want the day to romance me a bit before it tries to mess me up.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

They expect me to work at work.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

Mr. Mixed Signals decided he likes me today.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

Me: God, please stop giving me your toughest battles. God: You just have to empty the dishwasher.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

If I go missing and you put my weight on that poster, I swear I’m not coming back.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

Thanksgiving ain’t been the same ever since my uncle pulled that gun out on everybody.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

When I die, I want to come back as a speed bump so I can piss people off.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

No, I don’t like nature. I can’t respect anything that would so flippantly turn dinosaurs into birds.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

If Twitter has taught me anything, a lot of us aren’t ready for a spelling bee.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

Software engineers are the dumbest smart people I’ve ever met.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,557

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇩 has downloaded:

Adulthood – a never-ending story of shit you have to do.

Someone from 🇧🇴 has copied:

Thank you two-step authentication codes that expire after 60 seconds for providing Mission Impossible-type drama into my mundane suburban existence.

Someone from 🇪🇪 has shared:

I’m begging for a day to be added in between Saturday and Sunday.

Someone from 🇧🇾 has shared:

I passed my genetic engineering exam with flying koalas.

Someone from 🇰🇿 has bookmarked:

I can’t date until the curse is lifted.

Someone from 🇱🇹 has copied:

If I got $5 every time I thought of you, I would start thinking of you.

Someone from 🇫🇯 has viewed:

Crazy that caffeine has no short or long-term negative side effects. Just a super drug from God.

Someone from 🇬🇧 has copied:

“23 and Me” is how Leonardo DiCaprio RSVPs for events.

Someone from 🇮🇪 has bookmarked:

Adulting is realizing Monday is a better ‘off day’ than Friday.

Someone from 🇮🇪 has copied:

“I asked ChatGPT,” “I asked Grok,” yeah, well, I wipe away the hours conversing with the flowers.

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on X:

Making waves on WeChat:

I accidentally take a screenshot of my phone background at least once a week.

Going viral on Discord:

The worst part of a fender bender is having to get out of your car and meet a new person.

Making waves on Discord:

Folding laundry is like packing to stay home.

Just shared via YouTube:

I found out why my computer keeps freezing. Apparently, I’ve got too many windows open.

Just shared via WhatsApp:

I will always be hotter than everyone who hates me.

Making waves on Twitch:

I’m looking for a moisturizer to hide the fact that I’ve been tired since 2010.

Just landed via LinkedIn:

Windmill? Big fan.

Seen just now on X:

No thanks, social media influencers. I prefer making decisions the old-fashioned way: under the influence of alcohol.

Just shared via YouTube:

I really cannot be friends with picky eaters because it somehow always correlates to bigger problems and character flaws.

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