My real introduction to classical music came from watching Tom & Jerry cartoons as a kid. Also how I got into sadism.

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Elections make you feel like we’re all in divorce court waiting to see who gets custody of us.

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I found there was only one way to look thin: hang out with fat people.

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Just because I can’t sing doesn’t mean I won’t sing.

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Before the internet, people thought that there was only one idiot per town. We were so wrong.

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I’m going to need to speak with the flowers about this.

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I hope whoever came up with the spelling for Wednesday was punished for their actions.

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Is everything expensive or am I just poor?

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Are oranges called oranges because they are orange, or is the color orange called orange because an orange is orange?

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Twitter sucks so much, but randomly there are such funny tweets, so I wait, like a frog, for one delicious fly.

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Sorry about my behavior as of late. I have plastic in my brain.