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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇳🇪 has viewed:

I like people who make eye contact like they know something I don’t.

Someone from 🇹🇹 has copied:

If I was a mythical creature, I’d be a Sighclops.

Someone from 🇸🇩 has viewed:

When you have the money, you can go a whole day without eating. But when you’re broke, the dizziness starts at 6 a.m.

Someone from 🇦🇲 has downloaded:

Please don’t buy my book on reverse psychology.

Someone from 🇲🇲 has shared:

School reunion is a scam… nobody is missing anyone, they just want to know whether you have made it in life or not.

Someone from 🇱🇷 has viewed:

Watching as gravity slowly unfriends you.

Someone from 🇵🇬 has viewed:

Can’t sleep because I keep finding exciting opportunities to get pissed off.

Someone from 🇰🇼 has downloaded:

How soon into a new relationship should you let her know you’re an idiot?

Someone from 🇹🇬 has copied:

Never understood why people train their dogs to sit pretty or roll over when there are useful tricks like empty the dishwasher or fold the laundry.

Someone from 🇨🇭 has viewed:

They should let me go inside everyones house just to see.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Jan 31, 2026

3,738

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on WeChat:

The world is such a beautiful place when you don’t think too hard about it or look around.

Just landed via LinkedIn:

The worst thing is finding out the “sweet guy” is just a lustful loser.

Making waves on Telegram:

After ejaculation, men automatically realize that everything is vanity upon vanity.

Spotted on LinkedIn:

I have consumed so much potato salad the last couple of days, I’m sweating mayo.

Broadcasted on LinkedIn:

I want a girlfriend so hot that people walking down the street know that I am funny.

Spotted on TikTok:

Twitter hits different, cause it’s like the only social media app you can use effectively while playing music.

Seen just now on TikTok:

“I’ll just iron my clothes for work in the morning,” he thought in stupid bachelor.

Freshly posted on Slack:

If I’m too quiet you can rest assured I’m in the process of planning my sweet escape or your equally sweet demise.

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

It’s perfectly normal if you want to watch an actor’s entire filmography because you find them attractive. Don’t let anyone stop you.

Trending via X:

On the whole, people are getting smarter. I remember when they had to put “The End” on the screen, so people would know the movie was over.

Naked and Afraid because there’s a spider in the shower with me.

2 days ago

Funny quote about fear of shower spiders, with a playful and humorous vibe.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Looks like it's arachnophobia vs. personal hygiene – a true battle of wills! 🕷🚿 Who knew that a tiny spider could turn a regular shower into a survival challenge? 😅 Hang in there, you're not alone in this (unwanted) adventure!"

afraid, discomfort, fear, humor, me, naked, shower, spider, survival

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

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Social Media Stars ⭐

73 shares on Discord this month:

Yesterday, my boss asked me what I did for a living.

25 shares on Discord this month:

What career is most compatible with the unemployed lifestyle?

20 shares on YouTube this month:

English is so fake. How can you drink a drink, but you can’t food a food?

65 shares on Twitch this month:

I like that blood pressure kits come with a free, handy zip-up bag that your stuff will never fit in again once you take it out.

92 shares on LinkedIn this month:

See you when you get home from school, I whisper to my kid’s apple.

21 shares on Facebook this month:

I’m so sick of these little 30-minute weekends.

33 shares on TikTok this month:

The concept of hot water showers feeling so good but not actually being good for your hair or skin is disgusting.

37 shares on Pinterest this month:

And then there are those dates after which you think: “Have I really shaved my legs for this?”

51 shares on X this month:

Piñatas are a fun way to intentionally maim the guests at your party.

32 shares on Twitch this month:

Shampoo companies need to be clearer when they say “repairs damage”. I cancelled my therapy for nothing.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

25 folks are currently checking 👀

There’s going to be a full moon this Christmas! Because mixing family and alcohol together wasn’t enough…

8 folks are currently checking 👀

Skinny people are easier to get blown around by storms. These donuts are for my safety.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

I love that retail therapy works on me. I am so much happier and at peace when I’m buying things for myself.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

My daughter asked me what it’s like to be a parent, so I woke her up at 3 AM to let her know that I couldn’t sleep.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

Thought getting captured by cannibals would be terrifying, but they’re actually feeding me really well.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

That moment when a zombie out for brains walks past you.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

Hello taxi, off to Friday please. Money doesn’t matter!

6 folks are currently checking 👀

Instead of cleaning my house, I just watch episodes of hoarders on TV and then I think “Wow, my house looks awesome!”

8 folks are currently checking 👀

If my cats are going to insist upon me getting up early, they’re going to have to learn how to make coffee.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

Relationship status: nobody is cheating on me so that’s pretty neat.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Jan 31, 2026

Users Online

3,271

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇵🇰 has shared:

Your 20s should be spent nervously sitting on the edge of the bed with rigid posture.

Someone from 🇹🇯 has bookmarked:

Drugs and alcohol take years off your life and give them to Keith Richards.

Someone from 🇲🇪 has bookmarked:

Commenting “Obviously AI” on pictures of happy couples.

Someone from 🇲🇩 has shared:

Scams used to be like “free money!” and now they’re like “hello, we have a job for you”, which seems to be a bad sign.

Someone from 🇰🇼 has copied:

Can I come over and figure you out?

Someone from 🇱🇨 has shared:

They’re putting me through the penny flattening machine at the zoo.

Someone from 🇵🇾 has copied:

It’s crazy that you don’t really argue with a baby for the first year of its life and then you have to argue with the baby every day.

Someone from 🇱🇰 has downloaded:

I miss when The Weeknd made haunted strip club music. Didn’t know how good I had it.

Someone from 🇨🇺 has copied:

When I worked as a restaurant critic, I wrote under a nom nom nom de plume.

Someone from 🇱🇧 has viewed:

My love language is caffeine and being left alone until I’m kind again.

Social Media Log 💫

Breaking via WhatsApp:

Please stop fighting with each other on the internet and start fighting with each other in real life. Life is short.

Making waves on Discord:

A police lineup, but you have to recognize your dad’s sneeze.

Just shared via Discord:

Due to personal reasons, I’ll be getting stronger every day.

Making waves on LinkedIn:

I love sarcasm. It’s like punching people in the face, but with words.

Breaking via YouTube:

If stress burned calories, I’d be a supermodel by now.

Spotted on Telegram:

The person opposite me has a donut. I do not have a donut. That should be my donut. This person is now my arch nemesis.

Spotted on Telegram:

Your honor, I was in my villain era at the time of those incidents.

Spreading quickly via Threads:

My girlfriend just had a go at me for not glistening, whatever that is.

Breaking via Discord:

The secret to being a private person is to overshare dumb shit so people think you are an open book but then not tell them any of the important details of your life.

Making waves on LinkedIn:

I’m so glad I cleaned the house so the kids have a clean canvas to drop their stuff everywhere.

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