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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇱🇹 has downloaded:

Maybe the reason we weren’t that affected by all the violence we saw in cartoons as kids is because it was offset by classical music.

Someone from 🇵🇾 has bookmarked:

I slept like a baby, knowing I’m a burden to everyone around me.

Someone from 🇮🇶 has copied:

Them: Money doesn’t bring happiness. Me: Pass the money over here, I like to be sad.

Someone from 🇧🇯 has viewed:

The phrase “Treat yourself” has ruined my bank account and waistline.

Someone from 🇲🇽 has copied:

Do you enjoy addiction, anxiety, and urinating? Then coffee may be the beverage for you.

Someone from 🇦🇸 has copied:

Sometimes I just want a man to talk to me in the same voice he uses to talk to his dog.

Someone from 🇱🇷 has shared:

Apologies for the late response, instead of spending three minutes answering your email, I ignored it and felt anxious for two weeks.

Someone from 🇸🇾 has bookmarked:

Where do cicadas go when they’re not screaming? I’d like to go there and scream.

Someone from 🇫🇯 has bookmarked:

When you’re using Grok, the A in Al just stands for Adolf.

Someone from 🇲🇩 has bookmarked:

Seems like the ‘how to use a fire extinguisher’ video on YouTube shouldn’t have a 30-second ad before it.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

334 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,603

Funny Quotes Topics

17,660

Funny Quotes Images

15,603

Updated

Jan 12, 2026

Users Online

3,501

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

Can’t, trying to piece together today’s news from social media posts.

Spotted on Reddit:

A tip for your next salary negotiation: simply tell your boss “either I get a pay rise or I go out and tell everyone I got one!”

Shared recently on Reddit:

My hair dryer is so powerful that it doubles as my leaf blower.

Just shared via Instagram:

Actors in black and white movies were often putting their lives in danger during driving scenes, as they weren’t able to tell if the traffic light was red or green.

Live now on LinkedIn:

If they stole your post, they probably need it more than you do.

Freshly posted on Threads:

Me: Maybe it’s the weed talking but your apartment seems enormous. IKEA Manager: Sir.

Just shared via Discord:

Professor: Most of you won’t pass this course. Me: Cool, so you’re like, real shitty at your job.

Breaking via WeChat:

On my way to Mordor. You nerds need anything?

Just landed via YouTube:

Falling off academically is worse than a heartbreak.

Spotted on Pinterest:

Drilling for oil is well boring.

Not looking for a sugar daddy, but something more of a pay pal.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Seeking a pay pal over a sugar daddy – because who needs roses when you can have direct deposits? 💰💸 #SecureTheBag #ModernLove"

daddy, dating, finance, humor, looking, money, online, online dating, pal, pay, pay pal, relationship, something, sugar, sugar daddy

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

I hope your day is as nice as my ass.

2 months ago

ass, compliment, day, hope, humor, i, nice, positivity
“I’d rather hurl myself into an active volcano!” -me, politely declining dates.

2 months ago

date, decline, exaggeration, humor, ID, me, myself, politely, relationship, self-deprecation, volcano
Not to brag but I always pick the slowest moving checkout line at the grocery store.

2 months ago

always, brag, checkout, checkout line, funny observation, grocery, grocery store, humor, i, line, moving, observation, pick, shopping, slow, store
My kids and I have this bit where I say something and they ignore me.

2 months ago

bit, family, humor, i, ignore, kids, me, parenting, say, something, where
The easiest way to bundle your home and auto insurance is to live in your car.

2 months ago

auto, bundle, car, home, insurance, live
Adult friendships are difficult. The people I get on best with never want to leave the house either.

2 months ago

adult, adult friendship, best, best friend, difficult, friend, friendship, get on, homebody, house, i, leave, never, people, socializing, want

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

47 shares on Pinterest this month:

Everyone’s worried about a recession, but babes, we’re heading for a dark age.

72 shares on Messenger this month:

Your future doctor is using ChatGPT to pass med school so you better start eating healthy.

59 shares on WeChat this month:

Thanksgiving and Christmas should be six months apart. Absurd to see those people again so soon. Insane.

42 shares on Snapchat this month:

I hope this email finds you at relative peace with the paradox of existence.

53 shares on Snapchat this month:

Climbing Mount Everest looks super boring and dumb. You just walk uphill, are cold and at the brink of death. No thanks.

40 shares on TikTok this month:

Everyone’s gangsta until grandma grabs that wooden spoon.

42 shares on Slack this month:

We hate the same people and it’s so romantic.

43 shares on Facebook this month:

You ever met someone so dumb you gotta take a deep breath before responding to them?

58 shares on X this month:

Professor: Most of you won’t pass this course. Me: Cool, so you’re like, real shitty at your job.

70 shares on Instagram this month:

Life is just a sequence of missed opportunities.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇺🇸 has copied:

Waiting patiently for the alien invasion.

Someone from 🇶🇦 has bookmarked:

I caught two kids smoking pot outside my office. Fifteen minutes later, my boss caught me and two kids smoking pot outside my office.

Someone from 🇸🇴 has copied:

Being informed is the worst thing I’ve ever done for my mental health.

Someone from 🇲🇰 has bookmarked:

Whatever happened calorically this weekend can never happen again.

Someone from 🇱🇦 has copied:

They should invent a relationship that doesn’t turn into the worst experience of my entire life.

Someone from 🇬🇳 has shared:

I find as I get older it’s the little things that bring me joy. Like embarrassing my children.

Someone from 🇦🇫 has shared:

This is the dumbest apocalypse ever.

Someone from 🇧🇷 has bookmarked:

I have information that will lead to where your hug is at.

Someone from 🇹🇲 has viewed:

Stop asking me if I’m tired. Can’t I just be ugly?

Someone from 🇨🇻 has downloaded:

If you want to experience hunger, go and live with a wealthy person or family.

Social Media Log 💫

Breaking via WeChat:

Thinking the bodega owner likes you is exactly the same as thinking the stripper likes you.

Trending via Threads:

If the first thing you do in the morning is checking your emails, you’re starting your day with other people’s problems.

Going viral on Threads:

Shrimp: “When I grow up, I want to be food waste at a gala.”

Going viral on Messenger:

American Feng Shui is when the grill doesn’t wobble.

Going bananas on Threads:

My brain says “Let’s do something exciting today” but my body says “Don’t listen to that fool.”

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Not looking for a sugar daddy, but something more of a pay pal.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

I hope your day is as nice as my ass.

“I’d rather hurl myself into an active volcano!” -me, politely declining dates.

Not to brag but I always pick the slowest moving checkout line at the grocery store.

My kids and I have this bit where I say something and they ignore me.

The easiest way to bundle your home and auto insurance is to live in your car.

Adult friendships are difficult. The people I get on best with never want to leave the house either.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨