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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇲🇱 has shared:

The Pope is the only employee who never gets to see his boss. Not even at the Christmas party.

Someone from 🇿🇼 has copied:

A drone, but for seeing which fast food drive-thrus have the shortest line.

Someone from 🇱🇸 has viewed:

Some folks go to college to delay being a bum.

Someone from 🇵🇦 has bookmarked:

I’m not moody; I’m just on shuffle.

Someone from 🇹🇹 has viewed:

I wonder if Mary and Joseph hated putting away the Christmas stuff as much as I do.

Someone from 🇨🇻 has shared:

It should be socially acceptable to just face the wall at a party when you need a break from talking.

Someone from 🇹🇹 has bookmarked:

The amount I’m sighing these days could fuel a small wind farm.

Someone from 🇪🇨 has viewed:

Santa baby, slip some mental stability under the tree, for me.

Someone from 🇷🇸 has downloaded:

A hostile alien invasion sounds like a nice change of pace.

Someone from 🇲🇼 has copied:

You guys know your secrets are safe with me. It’s the people I share them with you can’t trust.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,545

Social Media Log 💫

Breaking via YouTube:

In retrospect, I guess “one drunken night of stupidity” isn’t the best response when a child asks you where babies come from.

Making waves on Telegram:

Get a Ring camera so you can yell at your kids when they’re out front and freak them out.

Just shared via Threads:

“I thought it might be nice to go around the room and have everyone introduce themselves, including a fun fact.” You thought wrong.

Making waves on Twitch:

British people never go downstairs; they just jump out of a window and open an umbrella like Mary Poppins.

Trending via Twitch:

Cars should have two horns, one for “excuse me, kind friend,” and another for “curse you and your family for generations.”

Going viral on Discord:

I don’t need a midlife crisis. My whole life is a crisis.

Breaking via TikTok:

We went out on a boat to see whales and the crew encouraged us to clap and cheer for the whales and boo at the regular fish.

Just shared via Discord:

We can do things two ways. My way or the right way.

Seen just now on TikTok:

I will marry a man who treats me delicately as if I’m a gift straight from heaven.

Just shared via Messenger:

When your electric toothbrush dies, it becomes a regular toothbrush. Don’t freak out. Just calm down and remember your training.

Not looking for a sugar daddy, but something more of a pay pal.

1 week ago

Funny Quotes

Playful witty text about preferring PayPal over a sugar daddy.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Seeking a pay pal over a sugar daddy – because who needs roses when you can have direct deposits? 💰💸 #SecureTheBag #ModernLove"

daddy, dating, finance, humor, looking, money, online, online dating, pal, pay, pay pal, relationship, something, sugar, sugar daddy

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Still writing the old year on all my ransom notes.

2 weeks ago

date, funny observation, humor, new, new year, note, notes, observation, old, old year, procrastination, ransom, ransom note, still, writing, year
Can we not just call it Zealand now?

3 weeks ago

call, humor, just, suggestion, wordplay, Zealand
That awkward moment when someone you hate is breathing.

1 week ago

awkward, awkward moment, breathing, discomfort, hate, irony, moment, someone
“Thug life,” I whisper to myself as I check out my sunglasses in the mirror.

1 week ago

check, confidence, humor, i, life, mirror, myself, self-quote, sunglasses, thug, thug life, whisper
At least men and women can agree on one thing: it feels amazing to take a bra off.

2 weeks ago

agree, agreement, amazing, bra, clothing, comfort, feeling, humor, least, men, relief, take, thing, women
The 10 minutes I spend on my mobile before I go to sleep are the best 3 hours of my day.

3 weeks ago

before, best, day, hours, humor, i, minutes, mobile, procrastination, relaxation, sleep, spend, time

Funny Quotes Collections

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Social Media Stars ⭐

74 shares on Pinterest this month:

If I was Snow White, you wouldn’t get me with an apple. You’d have to poison a taco or something.

81 shares on Pinterest this month:

I love saying “sounds good” at work, and no shit be sounding good.

30 shares on TikTok this month:

Literally no one understands something more completely than a woman in a meeting who starts a question with “Just so I understand …”

31 shares on Pinterest this month:

I don’t like this new trend of old people wearing shirts of bands I listened to when I was a kid.

12 shares on YouTube this month:

“I’m just a girl!” No, you are a monster.

17 shares on Slack this month:

Never get in between a girl and her fries. It’s just common sense really.

13 shares on Slack this month:

Why did they call it K-pop and not Seoul music?

18 shares on YouTube this month:

When I retire, I’m going to run for office.

55 shares on Pinterest this month:

Doesn’t matter, Your Honor! I, for one, found it very funny.

34 shares on Slack this month:

A credit card is kind of like a gift card to every store.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇫 has bookmarked:

I’ve just told my doctor I have all the Monkey Pox symptoms. He asked me to swing by tomorrow.

Someone from 🇵🇬 has viewed:

My plumber asked me for a Google review. I said I thought it was a really good search engine and I’d give it 8/10.

Someone from 🇸🇿 has downloaded:

Adulthood means trying to convince yourself that the font is just too small and that it isn’t your eyesight going bad.

Someone from 🇸🇳 has shared:

My husband thinks he can just order me around like he’s one of the cats.

Someone from 🇸🇿 has viewed:

Statistically, 6 out of 7 dwarfs aren’t happy.

Someone from 🇮🇱 has viewed:

Moms will vacuum the ceiling, alphabetize the spice rack, reorganize your socks, then say, “No one helps me around here!”

Someone from 🇸🇬 has copied:

Humble enough to know I can be replaced, but wise enough to know ain’t nobody else like me.

Someone from 🇲🇪 has shared:

The goose: Canada’s most violent saxophone.

Someone from 🇹🇼 has viewed:

Tomorrow isn’t promised, so make sure you tell bad people they’re bad.

Someone from 🇵🇾 has downloaded:

Tried online dating, and it turns out my soulmate is a Nigerian prince who needs my bank details to escape his kingdom.

Social Media Log 💫

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Not looking for a sugar daddy, but something more of a pay pal.

Keep the laugh going 😂

Still writing the old year on all my ransom notes.

Can we not just call it Zealand now?

That awkward moment when someone you hate is breathing.

“Thug life,” I whisper to myself as I check out my sunglasses in the mirror.

At least men and women can agree on one thing: it feels amazing to take a bra off.

The 10 minutes I spend on my mobile before I go to sleep are the best 3 hours of my day.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

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