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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇩🇪 has copied:

One day you’ll find someone who’s obsessed with you. It’ll probably be a demon but that’s what it is.

Someone from 🇸🇰 has bookmarked:

My tombstone will read “Hey there, I’m using WhatsApp!”.

Someone from 🇰🇭 has viewed:

I’ve decided to cut my carbs… into smaller pieces before eating them.

Someone from 🇿🇲 has copied:

One week without chocolate. I can no longer hear anything in my left eye.

Someone from 🇵🇾 has shared:

Can you lose weight by running away from your feelings?

Someone from 🇫🇷 has bookmarked:

I love tennis but never really been clear why they need a lifeguard.

Someone from 🇱🇦 has downloaded:

Unfair that the older I get, the clearer photo quality gets.

Someone from 🇰🇼 has shared:

Wow, this person is full of shit. Oh, I’m on my own page.

Someone from 🇬🇾 has copied:

US etiquette question: Do you need to tip the guy at the border who reads your last five years of social media history?

Someone from 🇲🇻 has shared:

When pregnant women are around, watch what you say. Nowadays, anything will be used as a name.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

216 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,485

Funny Quotes Topics

17,557

Funny Quotes Images

15,485

Jan 5, 2026

3,644

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Snapchat:

Whenever I’m not eating a breakfast sandwich I wish I was eating a breakfast sandwich.

Shared recently on Messenger:

I see from the back of your car that you have found Jesus, but not your turn signal.

Spreading quickly via YouTube:

Stop trying to be liked by everybody. You don’t even like everybody.

Just landed via Threads:

Still hard to believe that access to infinite information made us dumber.

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

The difference between coffee and your opinion is that I asked for coffee.

Trending via Telegram:

The main problem is that far too many people have far too easy access to podcast equipment.

Making waves on Slack:

An adult is a person who makes noise when they stand up.

Freshly posted on Telegram:

That moment when you finish watching a TV series and you don’t know what to do with your life any more.

Shared recently on WeChat:

Scratching the mosquito bite on my foot? Literally orgasmic. This is the kind of stuff that the government doesn’t want you to know.

Seen just now on Telegram:

Twitter sucks so much, but randomly there are such funny tweets, so I wait, like a frog, for one delicious fly.

Not to brag, but I skipped my mid-life crisis and went straight to cranky old man.

2 months ago

0

Not to brag, but I skipped my mid-life crisis and went straight to cranky old man.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Oh, to bypass the mid-life crisis and dive right into perfecting the art of crankiness! 🙄👴 No time for flashy sports cars or questionable fashion choices, just pure unadulterated curmudgeonliness ahead! 😂 #AgeBeforeCrankiness"

age, brag, cranky, crisis, humor, i, life, life stages, man, mid-life, mid-life crisis, midlife, old, old man, stages, straight

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Just be good and kind to your children. Not only are they the future of the world, they’re the ones who can sign you into a home.

0

2 months ago

children, future, good, home, humor, just, kindness, parenting, sign, wisdom, world
“Left alone” would have been the right answer as a child to the question of what I wanted to be when I grew up.

0

2 months ago

alone, answer, aspiration, child, childhood, grow, grow up, humor, i, left, question, right, wanted
Nothing humbles you faster than your phone slipping out of your hand and hitting your face.

0

2 months ago

clumsiness, embarrassment, face, fall, faster, hand, humble, humor, nothing, phone, slip, slipping, technology
Silence is my favourite form of communication in the morning.

0

3 months ago

communication, favourite, form, humor, introvert, morning, silence
I just really hope The Weeknd’s real name isn’t Mnday.

0

2 months ago

celebrity, hope, humor, i, joke, just, music, name, real, The Weeknd, Weeknd, wordplay
If you ask him what he admires most about a woman and he says brains, you’ve got yourself a zombie.

0

2 months ago

admire, brains, humor, joke, relationship, woman, yourself, zombie

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

23 shares on TikTok this month:

I don’t dress for women. I don’t dress for men. I dress for the weather, mainly.

35 shares on Reddit this month:

Everybody boo’d up, and I’m getting treated like celery on a hot wing plate.

23 shares on X this month:

These days I just accept the website cookies without any protest. Website is like Grandma, I’m not gonna fight with you.

56 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Women don’t apologize. They sleep naked and let you decide whether you are still angry or not.

71 shares on Instagram this month:

I love unplanned fun.

57 shares on Threads this month:

I can still drop it like it’s hot. It’s just a lot harder to pick it back up.

97 shares on Reddit this month:

Call me old, but these days I just get excited to go home and lay down.

100 shares on X this month:

What would you do if you were in my situation right now? The situation being that I’m drunk.

27 shares on Facebook this month:

“I’d rather hurl myself into an active volcano!” -me, politely declining dates.

64 shares on YouTube this month:

I ordered a new umbrella on Amazon and had it delivered straight to the lost and found office to maximize efficiency.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

17 folks are currently checking 👀

Sometimes I think I’m too old to make a career change. But then I remember how Walter White went from high school teacher to drug kingpin. Anything is possible!

23 folks are currently checking 👀

Harry Potter is sort of crazy. I would have never fought a war for my high school.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

I hate when my kids ask me impossible questions like: What day is it?

23 folks are currently checking 👀

My dream is to buy a horse and race it. The horse will probably beat me but it’ll still be fun.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

How do I get my glasses prescription placed in my windshield?

14 folks are currently checking 👀

Only a fool would use the toothbrush the dentist gives you. You think the dentist would freely hand you the tools that would keep them away?

11 folks are currently checking 👀

Everybody is fighting a battle that you don’t know about, because of the first rule of Fight Club.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

I wish pets lived longer, and life wasn’t so expensive, and cake didn’t make you fat, and people weren’t twats.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

“Each to their own!” Translation: You’re wrong, but never mind.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

With great power comes a great electricity bill.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

216 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,485

Funny Quotes Topics

17,557

Funny Quotes Images

15,485

Updated

Jan 5, 2026

Users Online

3,556

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇲 has copied:

My doctor no longer prescribes me Viagra. He just left me hanging.

Someone from 🇱🇸 has bookmarked:

Kind of miraculous how much love can be summoned and how much your day can be improved by just looking at an animal and saying stuff in a weird voice.

Someone from 🇵🇹 has viewed:

People who don’t talk to themselves are the weird ones.

Someone from 🇲🇽 has shared:

To get my cat to eat, I tell him about all the hungry cats in Catfrica.

Someone from 🇲🇿 has shared:

I’m slowly becoming an adult. Please make it stop.

Someone from 🇱🇧 has copied:

Fun fact: If Celine Dion sang only the vowels in her name, it would be the lyrics to Old McDonalds Farm.

Someone from 🇸🇬 has shared:

Life so stupid, I just want a burger and to be held.

Someone from 🇲🇲 has bookmarked:

Welcome to your 50s… you can now fall asleep sitting up on the couch at any given moment.

Someone from 🇺🇾 has bookmarked:

I always carry a knife with me in case I run into someone with 10,000 spoons.

Someone from 🇦🇸 has bookmarked:

Diet hack: Spend your money filling up your gas tank so you won’t have money for groceries.

Social Media Log 💫

Breaking via Telegram:

Have you ever just restarted the dryer because you didn’t feel like folding the clothes yet?

Spotted on Telegram:

I will sit in the rain about this.

Just shared via Twitch:

That moment when you’ve gone through Insta, Facebook, X and the new emails and you know you should start working now. Luckily, there’s YouTube.

Trending via Discord:

I’m either at work, going to work, coming home from work, getting ready for work, getting some sleep for work, or thinking about not wanting to go to work.

Shared recently on WhatsApp:

Can’t stand British posts on my timeline. “I bought this for four squids and a halfpenny!” What the hell are you talking about?

Breaking via Pinterest:

According to a new study, people who often trail off in the middle of a sentence are 30% more likely to

Spotted on Messenger:

Normalise following up to an ignored email with “helllooooooo?”

Breaking via Slack:

Ants can be found on every continent except Antarctica, which is weird considering their name.

Just shared via Discord:

Tuesday is just another Monday, but reheated.

Going bananas on Facebook:

Being excited to get in bed is a different level of adulting.

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