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Commentary:
"Note to self: Before critiquing that questionable IKEA furniture, make sure to first visit their house and assess the situation… You might just find a gem hidden behind those assembly nightmares! 💎🪑😂"

bitching, furniture, home, IKEA, note, people, self, ugly

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

My wife almost fell down the stairs today and that got us into a heated argument whether my gasp was out of concern or excitement.

1 month ago
argument, concern, excitement, funny moment, gasp, humor, moment, relationship, stair, today, wife
Can I sell my feelings on ebay, I don’t want them anymore.

2 months ago
ebay, emotions, feelings, humor, i, sell, unwanted, want
If GPT-5 will have ‘Ph.D.-level intelligence’, then GPT-6 will have the intelligence of someone who decided not to get a PhD.

1 month ago
AI, comparison, education, GPT-5, humor, intelligence, joke, Ph.D., PhD, someone, wit
Establish dominance by dropping your panties first.

3 months ago
confidence, dominance, dropping, flirting, humor, panty, relationship
In a parallel universe, there’s a happy me.

1 month ago
alternate, alternate reality, happiness, happy, humor, imagination, me, parallel, parallel universe, reality, self, universe
Architects should try and design a house with no yelling.

2 months ago
architect, design, house, humor, yelling

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Someone from 🇬🇲 has copied:

The idiot’s diet is just biting your tongue.

Someone from 🇨🇺 has bookmarked:

Men don’t chew on toothpicks all day anymore.

Someone from 🇷🇸 has copied:

Why’s it always “NYC smells like pee” and never “my pee smells like the greatest city in the world”?

Someone from 🇮🇸 has copied:

The first Humans saw the sun go up and then back down, and so they decided to call it a day.

Someone from 🇹🇳 has downloaded:

At my age, a trail of clothes leading to the bedroom, means I dropped them on the way from the dryer.

Someone from 🇱🇹 has shared:

I figured out how they built the pyramids. No internet.

Someone from 🇰🇬 has copied:

Pretending you don’t notice people staring at you is a skill.

Social Media Log 💫

Going bananas on WeChat:

About four minutes into my run, I’ve decided I want to work on my personality instead.

Live now on Telegram:

Attempted to exercise this morning. Didn’t work out.

Just landed via Threads:

The oceans are rising because no one is drinking their recommended 8-12 glasses of water per day.

Trending via WeChat:

Bob is my nickname. Robert is my nicholasname.

Spotted on WeChat:

The human body is amazing. One half-open eye and the brain under emergency power are enough to make coffee.

Making waves on Pinterest:

The good news: once you get a PhD, friends and family will refer to you as doctor. The bad news: They will only do it when you’re wrong.

Spotted on YouTube:

Day number 3 without coffee: Lost hearing in my left eye.

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Activity Log ✨

Note to self: No more bitching about ugly furniture with people at IKEA whose home you haven’t been to yet.

My wife almost fell down the stairs today and that got us into a heated argument whether my gasp was out of concern or excitement.

Can I sell my feelings on ebay, I don’t want them anymore.

If GPT-5 will have ‘Ph.D.-level intelligence’, then GPT-6 will have the intelligence of someone who decided not to get a PhD.

Establish dominance by dropping your panties first.

In a parallel universe, there’s a happy me.

Architects should try and design a house with no yelling.

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

I wonder if the guy who came up with the term “One Hit Wonder” came up with any other phrases?

Straighten your back and drink some water, you dehydrated banana.

Tired of my landlord depending on my rent. Bro, get a job.

Guys with grey in their beards will do that thing you like.

Ever thought about centaurs and how the bottom half would start walking immediately after birth but the top part would be baby-like and flop around for a while.

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

The people that sing their heart out, but terribly, are my people.

Babe, are you okay? You’ve barely responded to my telepathic messages.

I admire how time manages to quickly heal wounds but takes forever to remove awkward tan lines.

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Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Getting an extra 20 minutes in the day when someone cancels a meeting is like finding a penny on the ground. Not gonna use it for anything, but wow, am I excited.

Let’s see how long my Monday slump lasts this time. Last week it was until Friday.

Not to brag, but I’ve seen Barbie naked.

Nothing is smaller than the X on ads to click them away.

A perfect metaphor for my life would be “Someone trying to stand up in a hammock.”

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

I used to be able to eat whatever I wanted without gaining weight. Now I pick up a fork and gain seven pounds.

All kids are born with a sixth sense that lets them know the absolute worst time to ask for something.

When did making sense stop making sense?

My DNA came back saying I come from a wide selection of cheeses.

If history repeats itself, I’m getting a pet dinosaur.

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Note to self: No more bitching about ugly furniture with people at IKEA whose home you haven’t been to yet.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

My wife almost fell down the stairs today and that got us into a heated argument whether my gasp was out of concern or excitement.

Can I sell my feelings on ebay, I don’t want them anymore.

If GPT-5 will have ‘Ph.D.-level intelligence’, then GPT-6 will have the intelligence of someone who decided not to get a PhD.

Establish dominance by dropping your panties first.

In a parallel universe, there’s a happy me.

Architects should try and design a house with no yelling.

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

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