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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇱🇸 has downloaded:

Aging is the worst. I miss the good ol’ days when my pain was strictly emotional.

Someone from 🇷🇼 has bookmarked:

I’m equally comfortable holding a guitar as I am holding a baby, I just hold them both by the neck.

Someone from 🇫🇷 has viewed:

No, I’m not depressed. I’m sure there’s just something wrong with the planets or stars or something.

Someone from 🇦🇷 has viewed:

Therapy is life letting you speak to the manager.

Someone from 🇳🇦 has shared:

My addiction to buying things I don’t need started at the school book fair.

Someone from 🇪🇹 has viewed:

I took some free community martial arts lessons for self-defense, but I’m starting to think Tai Chi is too slow for most muggers.

Someone from 🇰🇮 has viewed:

“You’re always sleeping,” God forbid a woman wants to be unconscious.

Someone from 🇵🇹 has viewed:

If I was on Love Island, I wouldn’t be fighting anyone or starting drama. I would just be playing mermaids in the pool the whole time. They’ve got that giant, beautiful pool, and nobody’s using it.

Someone from 🇧🇸 has copied:

All the fruit flies are well-behaved near the garbage, only one is constantly nagging somewhere else because it thinks it has to discover new lands.

Someone from 🇦🇬 has bookmarked:

My mom: sure use any towel. Also my mom: not that one.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

2437 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

12,599

Funny Quotes Topics

15,267

Funny Quotes Images

12,599

42 minutes ago

3,449

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on WhatsApp:

We use our phones to watch videos that remind us of what life was like before we had phones.

Seen just now on Discord:

You ever meet an all-male friend group that is less a group of friends than it is “one guy and his henchmen”?

Shared recently on Snapchat:

I need a leaf blower, but for people.

Going viral on Instagram:

Social media is proof that even mental hospitals have WiFi.

Just shared via Twitch:

Since there is only one of me, does that make me limited edition?

Shared recently on Messenger:

Can we not just call it Zealand now?

Making waves on WhatsApp:

My boyfriend talks to everyone while I stand by quietly, planning my escape.

Just shared via TikTok:

Remember before social media you would have to pick up the phone and call someone to tell them how much you love bacon?

Making waves on YouTube:

Mr. Mixed Signals decided he likes me today.

Just landed via Reddit:

Welcome to adulthood. The weekend is your only time to catch up on everything, but also your only time to do absolutely nothing.

Of all the things to lose, why couldn’t it have been my appetite and not my mind?

3 months ago

Of all the things to lose, why couldn’t it have been my appetite and not my mind?

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Commentary:
😂🤦‍♂️ "Of all the things to lose, why couldn’t it have been my appetite and not my mind?" Classic case of priorities gone awry! Who needs a missing appetite when you have a wandering mind making unexpected disappearances? 🤪 Just imagine misplacing your appetite and finding it curled up with your socks in the laundry basket! 🧐 #LostAppetiteBrainStillIntact

appetite, food, humor, irony, lose, loss, mind, things, why, wit

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

2437 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

12,599

Funny Quotes Topics

15,267

Funny Quotes Images

12,599

42 minutes ago

3,468

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

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Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇸 has copied:

Will mosquitoes ever develop a pizza obsession and end their pursuit of human blood?

Someone from 🇨🇬 has downloaded:

You know who else works in mysterious ways? Me.

Someone from 🇰🇷 has copied:

Life hack: put on an apron at home and people think you’re super busy doing important stuff even when you’re not.

Someone from 🇺🇸 has copied:

What if babies had two umbilical cords and if you cut the wrong one, it exploded?

Someone from 🇲🇳 has bookmarked:

The first five days after the weekend are the worst.

Someone from 🇬🇭 has shared:

I am thick and tired.

Someone from 🇶🇦 has downloaded:

My sleeping cycle is completely backwards. In the morning I feel sleepy and at night I can’t fall asleep.

Someone from 🇸🇷 has copied:

One interesting thing I learned in my thirties is that you can leave a bar before it closes.

Someone from 🇵🇦 has copied:

King-sized beds: Because you both want to sleep on the same mattress, but not in the same zip code.

Someone from 🇹🇷 has shared:

Being awake is the worst.

Social Media Log 💫

Spreading quickly via Instagram:

The only thing worse than a nightmare is waking up from a great dream before you get to see how it ends.

Spotted on WeChat:

I’m actually pretty attractive, if you don’t compare me to anyone, ever.

Going viral on X:

Christmas decor isn’t meant to be sleek and minimalist, it is supposed to look like joy threw up in your house.

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

Funny thing about zombie movies – they never seem to go after the cameraman.

Trending via WhatsApp:

You are only young once. After that you have to think up some other excuse.

Going viral on Slack:

Some things are better left unsaid, which I certainly realize, right after I say them.

Just shared via LinkedIn:

Living with a dog is 90% following each other around, watching each other go potty, and wondering what the other has in their mouth.

Trending via WhatsApp:

When physical labor became optional, we invented the gym. We’ll need the same thing for the mind.

Freshly posted on TikTok:

Hate when anxiety gives me stomach problems. Like, baby, you are supposed to be a mental disorder, please stay in your line.

Seen just now on Threads:

Sorry, can’t. I took my bra off and threw it across the room an hour ago. There’s no coming back from that.

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