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Commentary:
"Alright, integrity, we see you out here flexing 💪 No compromises allowed in this VIP zone! 😎 Keep shining, you sassy little virtue! ✨"

compromise, going, humor, integrity, irony, okay, self, wit

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Marriage is for life. But when that was first said, life was shorter.

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2 months ago

commitment, humor, irony, life, longevity, marriage, relationship, said, shorter
The only function of a middle name is so a child can assess how much danger they’re in.

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2 months ago

assessment, child, danger, function, humor, middle, middle name, much, name, only, parenting
Nothing prepared me for how much of my adult life would be spent hiding from people I know at the grocery store.

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2 months ago

adult, adult life, anxiety, everyday, everyday life, funny observation, grocery, grocery store, hiding, i, know, life, me, much, nothing, observation, people, prepared, social, social anxiety, spent, store
Asking the pharmacy if they have a secret menu.

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2 months ago

ask, asking, conversation, humor, joke, menu, pharmacy, secret, secret menu
I’m willing to do anything for a job except write a cover letter.

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2 months ago

anything, cover, cover letter, effort, except, humor, job, job search, letter, procrastination, search, willingness
You can fake a smile, but you can’t fake jazz hands.

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2 months ago

dancing, expression, fake, hand, hands, humor, jazz, jazz hand, performance, smile

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

14 shares on Pinterest this month:

Where do cicadas go when they’re not screaming? I’d like to go there and scream.

82 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Everyone is all “love is patient” during the wedding, but when there’s a long line for the open bar, not so much.

26 shares on Discord this month:

By the time my CVS receipt finished printing, I was eligible for another prescription refill.

52 shares on Slack this month:

I held the door for an old person today and he was like, “didn’t we go to high school together” and we did.

64 shares on Discord this month:

God, please, for once in my life, let me get what I want.

78 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Stretching isn’t enough. I need to be able to disassemble my body like Legos.

38 shares on Slack this month:

When planning dinner, remember that ice-cream has both calcium and protein.

16 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Nothing you want to do has a timeline.

13 shares on Pinterest this month:

My workout goals are simple: I’d just like to be able to get up off the floor without looking like a turtle trying to flip itself back over.

62 shares on Twitch this month:

Some parents are blessed with amazing kids and others have kids that decide to learn the trumpet.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇿 has shared:

Unfortunately for the haters, I will continue to keep being me.

Someone from 🇵🇾 has bookmarked:

The sexual tension between me and not finishing the last 2 episodes of a drama.

Someone from 🇳🇪 has viewed:

My bank account may not be full but my sink, laundry basket and arteries sure are.

Someone from 🇩🇴 has viewed:

Welcome to your 50’s; you can have a really good laugh at everyone moaning about their aches and pains in their 30’s.

Someone from 🇱🇸 has viewed:

Oh, to be a rich, beautiful woman in her big car, driving to buy overpriced groceries to stock up her breathtaking kitchen in her gorgeous house.

Someone from 🇭🇳 has copied:

I’m basically the human version of tangled up Christmas lights.

Someone from 🇹🇲 has bookmarked:

You know you’re getting old when you clean the house to the music you used to go out to.

Someone from 🇭🇳 has copied:

Science can’t explain it, but some hairs can grow up to a quarter inch overnight. Never in a good spot though.

Someone from 🇦🇪 has bookmarked:

Going viral on X is like winning a lotto during the apocalypse.

Someone from 🇦🇱 has downloaded:

I told you so. Kind regards, your gut feeling.

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Snapchat:

If you ever go backpacking in the wilderness, be sure to wear corduroy pants, so you can start a fire if needed.

Just shared via Messenger:

Someone yelled “hey, retard!” and I looked back.

Spotted on Telegram:

I avoid drama by being unpopular.

Breaking via TikTok:

Spiraling out of control if anyone wants anything.

Just shared via Twitch:

Grateful for independence mostly because British food is gross.

Trending via YouTube:

I don’t hate you. I just don’t like that you exist.

Seen just now on Twitch:

It’s okay to get rid of the boxes for the electronic things you’ve had for the past couple of years.

Breaking via Messenger:

How many jokes about lightbulbs does it take to change us?

Freshly posted on X:

Curly fries are my favorite as they’re salty and spiraling, like me.

Just shared via Slack:

I asked my doctor if I’m healthy enough for sex and he told me I’m not even sexy enough for health.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Okay, this integrity isn’t going to compromise itself.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

Marriage is for life. But when that was first said, life was shorter.

The only function of a middle name is so a child can assess how much danger they’re in.

Nothing prepared me for how much of my adult life would be spent hiding from people I know at the grocery store.

Asking the pharmacy if they have a secret menu.

I’m willing to do anything for a job except write a cover letter.

You can fake a smile, but you can’t fake jazz hands.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨