On the internet it’s super easy to take credit for stuff you had nothing to do with. That’s why I invented it.

Someone from 🇹🇩 has downloaded:

I regret to inform you all that I just plan on getting hotter and weirder.

Someone from 🇿🇼 has bookmarked:

The early bird gets to cry for a little bit longer in the work parking lot.

Someone from 🇦🇫 has shared:

We are gathered here today because our ancestors didn’t have condoms.

Someone from 🇨🇾 has viewed:

Tinder is a food delivery app if you’re good at it.

Someone from 🇨🇦 has bookmarked:

I fondly remember my days as a younger man when I didn’t care what the weather was going to do.

Someone from 🇧🇫 has viewed:

My plans for today? Same as always: drink coffee and be sexy.

Someone from 🇵🇪 has shared:

I have re-entered the Band of Brothers rewatch stage of male depression.

Someone from 🇧🇩 has bookmarked:

I wanna be a villain so I can just saunter everywhere. The heroes are always sprinting, always running. You ever seen Darth Vader run? Hell no. And I ain’t about to either.

Someone from 🇭🇺 has downloaded:

My son got braces today. Yay, he’s not going to be a teenage dad.

Someone from 🇧🇸 has downloaded:

There’s an app for the people who say they’re not seeking some form of validation here. It’s called a diary.