Some days I feel I’m on top of the world, and other days it feels like the world is on top of me. Posted onMay 29, 2026
Unfortunately, I do love being the only person who knows exactly what I mean and the hidden meaning behind everything I do. Posted onMay 29, 2026
In marriage, whoever has the cooler last name gets to continue their legacy. Reject tradition. Posted onMay 29, 2026
How do couples who live together get anything done? I wouldn’t leave my bed if my girlfriend was in it. Posted onMay 29, 2026
People will scroll on their phones for 6 hours a day and wonder how other people can watch a movie every day. Posted onMay 29, 2026
If I were a higher power, and people were doing evil in my name, I’d probably stop it … but that’s just me. Posted onMay 29, 2026
It really cannot be overstated how many of your problems disappear once you have a beautiful woman who is in love with you. Posted onMay 29, 2026
Donnie Darko was also ahead of its time because the guy’s haunted by a giant Labubu. Posted onMay 29, 2026
Lord, take away my suffering and give it to anyone who’s ever said, ‘Hey, Grok.’ Posted onMay 29, 2026
Sometimes life is “Eat, pray, love,” and sometimes it’s “Scroll, snack, overthink.” Posted onMay 29, 2026
You ever cleaned a room in your house so good that you walked out… just to walk back in to see your work? Posted onMay 29, 2026
Unpopular opinion: Landlords should not be able to increase rent unless they’re upgrading the apartment. Posted onMay 29, 2026
Did you know? By replacing your coffee with green tea, you can lose up to 92% of what little joy you still have left in your life. Posted onMay 29, 2026
Don’t really want to have 6-8 pints and a takeaway tonight, but it’s Friday and rules are rules. Posted onMay 29, 2026
People in 1999 were using the Internet as an escape from reality. People today are using reality as an escape from the Internet. Posted onMay 29, 2026
Achieving AGI by reducing the intelligence of the average human rather than increasing the intelligence of AI. Posted onMay 29, 2026
I hate being a wage slave. I want to be a streamer that does nothing but react to videos all day, and then complain about how hard my life is. Posted onMay 29, 2026
I don’t pay attention to the world ending. It has ended for me many times, and began again in the morning. Posted onMay 29, 2026
Life is like a penis. Sometimes it’s up, sometimes it’s down. But it’s never hard forever. Posted onMay 29, 2026
Please don’t invite me over if you have a leather chair that’s already peeling. I will peel it some more when you’re not looking. Posted onMay 29, 2026
Telling the guy next to me on the subway that I’m not even ticklish, so don’t bother trying. Posted onMay 29, 2026
The more secure you want my computer password to be, the more guaranteed I am to just write it on a very not secure post-it note. Posted onMay 29, 2026
You know you’re getting old when the radio stations and bars play music you don’t like, but the supermarket is throwing out banger after banger. Posted onMay 29, 2026
The problem with “treat yourself” is that I don’t know how to stop. I had a bad day in March, and I’ve been treating myself ever since. Posted onMay 29, 2026
Telling her parents you creampie her daily is socially unacceptable. But telling them you’re trying for a baby is a cause for celebration. Posted onMay 29, 2026
Glad I didn’t really waste any time studying international law, seeing as how it is fake and meaningless. Posted onMay 29, 2026