Sure, you can invite more people to the plans we made 2 months ago. The more, the merrier. Also, I’m not going now. Posted onMay 29, 2026
Why do babies cry when they are tired? Like, just go to sleep, bro, no one is stopping you. Posted onMay 29, 2026
I want Al to do my laundry and dishes so that I can do art and writing, not for Al to do my art and writing so that I can do my laundry and dishes. Posted onMay 29, 2026
Being a writer means having a story you want everyone in the world to read, except anyone who knows you. Posted onMay 29, 2026
January 1st always feels like a Sunday, regardless of what day it’s actually on. Posted onMay 29, 2026
It’s funny how everyone who was all about Christmas a week ago is suddenly into New Year’s now. Posted onMay 29, 2026
There are no adults in the room. The cavalry is not coming. Everything was built by people no smarter than you. Posted onMay 29, 2026
Dying and being reincarnated as a beetle, and crawling to my old body’s grave, and digging down and living in my old ribcage. Posted onMay 29, 2026
Type of hangover that makes you understand why normies spend $25 for a poor soul to bike a bagel to them. Posted onMay 29, 2026
My greatest flaw is that I will try any specialty lemonade. 90% of them are nearly undrinkable, but I persevere. Posted onMay 29, 2026
The funniest thing about 28 Years Later is that the rest of the world just went “Uhm, anyway!” and carried on as normal, while the Brits live in hell. Posted onMay 29, 2026
I think probably the reason some people look better at 30 than at 20 is because they’re wealthier. Posted onMay 29, 2026
Bro, you will never rewatch that 7-minute video you took of fireworks. Just live in the moment. Posted onMay 29, 2026
Someone at work is gonna suggest you download Outlook and Teams on your phone, and it’s very important that you don’t listen to them. Posted onMay 29, 2026
To be happy as a man, you simply need to replace your screen time with beautiful women time. Posted onMay 29, 2026
It’s funny how drinking 8 cups of water a day seems impossible, but 7 beers and 5 shots in two hours go down like a fat kid on a seesaw. Posted onMay 29, 2026
Someone needs to invent a theater seat that forcefully ejects you through the roof if you take your phone out during a movie. Posted onMay 29, 2026
Being smart is a curse. You see the game, the lies, the patterns, but you still gotta play dumb to survive. Posted onMay 29, 2026
I had a healthy appendix removed, just to show the other organs that I will not tolerate any bullshit. Posted onMay 29, 2026
Don’t throw a relationship away just because you don’t agree with their choices, unless they wear Crocs, then it’s okay. Posted onMay 29, 2026
For my final act of love, I will never contact you again, but think of you always. Posted onMay 29, 2026
How does a government that takes 40% of everyone’s money end up being trillions in debt? Posted onMay 29, 2026