Writing cover letters feels soooo “Ever since I was a little boy, I knew I wanted to be an administrative assistant when I grew up.” Posted onMay 29, 2026
Brother: What are you bringing to Thanksgiving dinner? Me: Wine and unresolved issues. They pair nicely. Posted onMay 29, 2026
It’s the perfect time of year to focus on my indoor hobbies, like lying down in a dark room and feeling insane. Posted onMay 29, 2026
Winter is actually awesome because if you put on a couple of movies at 5 p.m., it’s already pitch black and the evening is super long, so it feels like you’re staying up til 2 a.m., but in reality, it’s only 11 p.m. 10/10! Posted onMay 29, 2026
Y’all aren’t taking beautiful women to jazz clubs anymore, and that’s the problem. Posted onMay 29, 2026
I’m so single right now that I stood on a cliff and shouted, “I love you,” and my echo replied, “I just wanna be friends.” Posted onMay 29, 2026
You can generate images with your mind whenever you want. You don’t even need AI. Posted onMay 29, 2026
I talk to one guy, and he wants to break my heart. I talk to five guys, and they all wanna take me seriously. Posted onMay 29, 2026
Nosferatu 2024, Frankenstein 2025, and Werwulf 2026. I was born at exactly the right time. Posted onMay 29, 2026
SHEIN does entirely too much on their app. Feels like a freaking casino every time you open it. Posted onMay 29, 2026
I get so flattered when butterflies or bees buzz around me. Like, sorry ladies, I’m not a flower, but it’s so sweet that you thought I was. Hehe. Posted onMay 29, 2026
I love that retail therapy works on me. I am so much happier and at peace when I’m buying things for myself. Posted onMay 29, 2026
This site could use some more people who like to argue about literally anything. Posted onMay 29, 2026
Only in America can a kid wear $150 shoes, sip a $8 coffee, and post from a $1,200 phone about being oppressed and claiming capitalism has failed them. Posted onMay 29, 2026
I automatically assume everyone finds me unattractive until they tell me otherwise, and then I assume that they are lying to make fun of me. Posted onMay 29, 2026
“You’re overthinking this!” Bro, I have anxiety. I have no other type of thinking available. Posted onMay 29, 2026
Twitter needs a button that’s “bring back that tweet I was just starting to read before you automatically refreshed.” Posted onMay 29, 2026
I forgot how weird November is. There’s no afternoon; it’s just night after 3 p.m. Posted onMay 29, 2026
Few things in life are as disappointing as having to poop right after a shower. Posted onMay 29, 2026
The sexual tension between me and not finishing the last 2 episodes of a drama. Posted onMay 29, 2026
“Why do I feel like shit all the time?” I ask myself, while staring into the flashlight that tells me bad news. Posted onMay 29, 2026
When someone sits in the empty seat beside you: flattered yet annoyed. When no one sits in the empty seat beside you: offended yet relieved. Posted onMay 29, 2026