Parents may forget many things, but they never forget who brought the noisy toys into the house.

43 shares on Snapchat this month:

I could be staring at my hand locking my front door, and I still won’t feel 100% sure my front door was locked.

86 shares on Reddit this month:

The older I get, the more I understand why witches lived alone in the woods.

84 shares on Reddit this month:

Why would I want a memory pillow? Sleep is where I go to forget.

44 shares on Messenger this month:

I don’t even want to talk about the things I had to do to that elf to get back on the nice list.

54 shares on Messenger this month:

One year closer to whatever age my obituary will say.

72 shares on Instagram this month:

I’m sorry, but when you call me ‘batshit crazy’ it’s almost starting to sound like you think it’s a bad thing!

90 shares on Telegram this month:

And then the vodka whispered, “Say what you really think.”

36 shares on YouTube this month:

I learn from the mistakes of people who took my advice.

74 shares on Threads this month:

After much deliberation, I’ve come to the conclusion that I’m an overthinker.

71 shares on Instagram this month:

My husband was unable to find his coat earlier as he’d accidentally hung it up.