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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇭 has copied:

Life is too short. Tell his mom what he did to you.

Someone from 🇮🇶 has copied:

If you’re going to be weird, be confident about it.

Someone from 🇨🇦 has downloaded:

I’d tell you to go to hell, but I work there and I don’t want to see you every day.

Someone from 🇲🇿 has bookmarked:

Cynics are – beneath it all – only idealists with awkwardly high standards.

Someone from 🇮🇱 has copied:

I went for an interview at IKEA. The manager greeted me by saying “come in, make a seat”.

Someone from 🇸🇻 has downloaded:

I always thought that aunts had a lot of money. Until I became one myself.

Someone from 🇧🇭 has bookmarked:

Wanna know a real adult life hack? Don’t tell anyone when you have a day off. Absolutely no one.

Someone from 🇩🇯 has shared:

The tragedy of my life is that I theoretically know when I shouldn’t say anything. And then I hear myself talking.

Someone from 🇻🇪 has downloaded:

Spell your crush’s name backwards, mine is yenom.

Someone from 🇬🇧 has shared:

I dreamt this night that I had died and when I woke up, a piece of me was actually already stiff.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

531 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,124

Funny Quotes Topics

17,272

Funny Quotes Images

15,124

Updated

Dec 27, 2025

Users Online

3,828

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Facebook:

Police cars should play ice cream truck music when they’re pulling you over for something minor.

Going bananas on Pinterest:

I find it hard to believe I used to just answer my phone when it rang. No caller ID. No idea who was calling. Just picked it up and said “hello” like a goddam daredevil.

Going bananas on WeChat:

I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror this morning, so I guess once again my personality will be doing all the work today.

Shared recently on WhatsApp:

I noticed you haven’t posted in a few weeks, and just wanted to thank you.

Broadcasted on WeChat:

At the doctor’s office, booing all the names being called that aren’t mine.

Making waves on Instagram:

My phone is on Do Not Disturb because I am disturbed enough as it is.

Just landed via YouTube:

Grammar is important. It’s the difference between feeling your nuts and feeling you’re nuts.

Shared recently on Pinterest:

It’s crazy I need a certificate to prove I was born when you can literally just look at me.

Spotted on Facebook:

Once I started spending my own money, I realized my mom was right. We do have food at home.

Spotted on TikTok:

Who are these people that buy unsalted butter on purpose?

Parents may forget many things, but they never forget who brought the noisy toys into the house.

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Parents may forget many things, but they never forget who brought the noisy toys into the house.
Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Parents may have selective memory, but when it comes to those noisy toys, they have a perfect recollection! 🧸🔊 Better watch out, those toys have a way of making unforgettable impressions! 😂"

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎁🎅🎄 Christmas Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

61 shares on Slack this month:

I’ve never seen anything sadder than me in a black cape under the salon lights with wet hair parted incorrectly by a solid inch.

13 shares on Reddit this month:

You know Santa isn’t real because no man over 40 is out past 9PM.

14 shares on Telegram this month:

Remember, guys, it costs zero dollars to be annoying to strangers on the internet.

16 shares on YouTube this month:

Sometimes the universe puts you in the same situations again to see if you’re still an idiot.

33 shares on Threads this month:

Massage therapist asked how I felt about chiropractics and I told her the guy who invented it says he learned it from a ghost, and that shut the conversation down pretty quick.

69 shares on YouTube this month:

Where do we acquire the ducks that we’re supposed to be putting in a row?

39 shares on Facebook this month:

The number of times I stand in a room, staring because I forgot why I walked in there, is embarrassingly high.

88 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Asking my dentist a question, but sticking my fingers in his mouth before he replies.

59 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I only squeak when I’m squoken to.

76 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Age regressing by coughing like a toddler, with my tongue out.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

13 folks are currently checking 👀

I don’t care what other people think of me, at least mosquitoes find me attractive.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

It-is-what-it-is-ing my way through the collapse of civilization.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

Every group chat has that one person who never replies, and it’s me.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

A person becomes 10 times more attractive not by their looks but by photoshop.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

“I don’t do politics.” Politics will do you, my brother and sister. Politics will do you like mad.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

All these self-driving vehicles… It’s only a matter of time before we hear a country song about his truck leaving him.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

I successfully avoided the red-eye flight and got the much milder pink eye flight.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

Full-time employment will have you making lists of thoughts to think.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

If an ice cream truck has its music on, are you supposed to pull over and let it pass like an ambulance?

22 folks are currently checking 👀

Raising a teenager is like nailing pudding to the wall.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

531 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,124

Funny Quotes Topics

17,272

Funny Quotes Images

15,124

Updated

Dec 27, 2025

Users Online

3,592

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇩🇪 has downloaded:

She got me to fall for her, like a boomer seeing an AI image on Facebook.

Someone from 🇦🇩 has viewed:

Every single bad day happened because I woke up.

Someone from 🇲🇼 has downloaded:

What would boomers do without their paper shredder?

Someone from 🇸🇮 has bookmarked:

What electric cars and diarrhea have in common is the fear of not making it home.

Someone from 🇨🇻 has downloaded:

Panties is such a weird word. Panties. I can’t say it sexy.

Someone from 🇧🇾 has copied:

I once hated my job so much that I would come home from work and watch vlogs of people quitting their jobs, wishing it was me.

Someone from 🇸🇻 has downloaded:

Sometimes I see how many vacations people take and I wonder if I’m bad with money or if they are.

Someone from 🇨🇱 has copied:

Pinterest recipe so long that it’s now a limited series on Netflix.

Someone from 🇱🇨 has copied:

It’s weird how horses can run so fast but still suck at every other sport.

Someone from 🇧🇼 has downloaded:

Please continue to leave me out of the loop.

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on X:

Please no requests for a threesome. If I want to disappoint two people at the same time, I’ll visit my parents.

Making waves on WeChat:

You look like something I drew with my left hand.

Going viral on Instagram:

Careful, “friend”. One more word about Shakira and you might find out just how fast I can draw this blade.

Just landed via Instagram:

Pilots lowkey have an aura when they walk past you in the airport.

Seen just now on Messenger:

My favorite conspiracy theory is that everything is going to be OK.

Going viral on Twitch:

“I’m not falling for that again,” I say, as I’m about to fall for whatever that is again.

Trending via Telegram:

Me going to work because I’m too honest to scam people, too shy to be an influencer, too good for a sugar daddy, and too dumb for crypto.

Going viral on Reddit:

I wasn’t made to hustle and bustle. I was made to dilly and dally.

Freshly posted on TikTok:

Ladies, if you receive flowers with no card on them today, they’re from me.

Freshly posted on X:

Establish dominance by dropping your panties first.

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