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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇵🇪 has bookmarked:

Twitter is diarrhea of the mouth at its finest. Everyone is just going around vomiting whatever is in their brains.

Someone from 🇦🇹 has shared:

Beware. There are people in the grocery store that you know who want to chat with you. Stay vigilant.

Someone from 🇭🇺 has viewed:

Some days you’re the bat, some days you’re the ball.

Someone from 🇸🇳 has shared:

The potholes in my city will change your radio station and unlock the doors.

Someone from 🇾🇪 has downloaded:

Why do they call it rush hour when nothing moves?

Someone from 🇺🇦 has downloaded:

So annoying that in order to meet new people you need to go out and meet new people. Ideally, I would have known you in a past life.

Someone from 🇬🇾 has copied:

The older I get, the more I understand why people live in the woods and talk to squirrels.

Someone from 🇲🇱 has viewed:

I do believe TikTok saves the funniest videos for late at night. There’s no way.

Someone from 🇮🇶 has viewed:

Thinking of telling my extra weight that I love it so that it can leave me too.

Someone from 🇬🇶 has copied:

Let me seduce you with my knowledge on useless things.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

431 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,700

Funny Quotes Topics

17,718

Funny Quotes Images

15,700

Updated

Jan 13, 2026

Users Online

3,617

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Telegram:

One man’s worst nightmare (me) is another man’s peace (also me).

Breaking via Pinterest:

Parents be like, “I gave you everything I had,” and by everything, they meant the collector’s edition boxed set of mental illness.

Going viral on YouTube:

People who say “teamwork makes the dream work” are the reason that some people want to punch other people in the face.

Just landed via LinkedIn:

Think about how many more lovers you’d have if a cross country high-speed rail existed. That’s what they are taking away from you.

Seen just now on Slack:

Just washed my windows and not a single bloke came out and said ‘You can do mine next!’ This used to be a real country.

Live now on Slack:

Unfortunately, I could never be nonchalant because I am not well in the head, and also my soul is on fire.

Seen just now on Pinterest:

If we start flirting now, we could be in matching pajamas on a Christmas card before the holidays.

People said follow your dreams, so I went back to bed.

3 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Who needs reality when dreaming is much cozier? 💤😄 #DreamBigButNapHard"

back, bed, dream, dreams, follow, humor, i, motivation, people, procrastination, sleep

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

“Stop thinking about it.” Wow, thank you, I am cured. You should write a book.

2 months ago

advice, am, book, cure, frustration, humor, i, sarcasm, should, stop, thank, thinking
I stopped adding “Let me know if you have any more questions!” to my emails because don’t email me again.

4 months ago

again, communication, email, email etiquette, emails, etiquette, humor, i, know, let, life, me, office, office life, questions, sarcasm, stopped, work, work email
When a door closes in life, sometimes it’s better to grab a hammer and nails and make sure the damn thing stays shut.

2 months ago

better, door, hammer, humor, life, nails, resilience, shut, sometimes, stay, stay shut, sure, thing
It sucks when you realize it’s only Thursday, until you realize it’s only Wednesday.

2 months ago

expression, humor, humor expression, midweek, only, realization, realize, starting, sucks, Thursday, Wednesday, week, week starting, weekday, workweek
Sorry, I would love to, but I just made a bunch of rules for myself, and I’m actually not allowed to do that.

5 months ago

actually, allowed, boundary, excuse, humor, i, just, love, myself, rule, rules, self-control, sorry
Donating blood today to make room for more food.

2 months ago

blood, diet, donating, food, health, humor, joke, room, sacrifice, today

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

53 shares on Slack this month:

Going out with 38% battery and no boyfriend.

79 shares on Twitch this month:

If you break up with the same person enough times, you eventually get married. Never give up.

86 shares on X this month:

Candy companies will look you straight in the eye and lie about how they know what a banana tastes like.

100 shares on Snapchat this month:

Tonight I will make history, by turning off incognito mode.

69 shares on Twitch this month:

To anybody I hurt this year, I just wanna say you deserve it. Stop playing with me.

68 shares on TikTok this month:

When someone asks me what my dream job is, it’s just like “I don’t know dude, I don’t dream about jobs”

64 shares on Pinterest this month:

Don’t ring my doorbell unless you’re accompanied by a camera crew and holding balloons and a big check.

32 shares on WeChat this month:

I welcome change as long as nothing is altered or different than before.

20 shares on Snapchat this month:

Damn girl, are you a plate of microwaved leftovers? Because you’re hot on the outside and cold on the inside.

85 shares on TikTok this month:

I’m not bossy, I just know exactly what you should be doing.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇵🇱 has downloaded:

The longest drum solo was 10 hours and 26 minutes and was performed by the child sitting behind me on a flight from LA to Tokyo.

Someone from 🇿🇦 has downloaded:

Why talk to bots when my plants listen just fine?

Someone from 🇹🇷 has copied:

I miss them days if you couldn’t rap, you didn’t.

Someone from 🇨🇦 has copied:

Weird me out? No. You’ve weirded me in. Let’s merge souls.

Someone from 🇨🇲 has downloaded:

The thing about being 50+ is that whenever an opportunity to pee is available – you’re wise to take it.

Someone from 🇨🇿 has shared:

“You’re so quiet!” Thanks! I actually tried to speak twice but you kept talking over me.

Someone from 🇧🇾 has viewed:

Female rage is your handbag continuously slipping off your shoulder.

Someone from 🇰🇪 has copied:

I prefer the Easter Bunny, for starters, he’s not making a list and checking it twice, and more importantly, he’s not watching me when I’m sleeping.

Someone from 🇵🇼 has copied:

We all need to put the phone down, or it’s over for civilization.

Someone from 🇰🇼 has viewed:

At 30+, I’m like an old phone battery. Even when you charge me overnight for 10 hours, by midday I’m at 60%.

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via WhatsApp:

Word on the street is that the fire in your heart is out.

Freshly posted on Instagram:

If you’re sleep-deprived and type the symptoms into Google, you’re as good as dead.

Broadcasted on Messenger:

Welcome to Netflix. We have every movie but the one you actually want to watch.

Going viral on Facebook:

If there was a pill for procrastination… I’d probably take it tomorrow.

Spotted on WhatsApp:

Skinny people are easier to get blown around by storms. These donuts are for my safety.

Just landed via Messenger:

Dentists get rich by staring into your mouth for 30 seconds, playing sinking ships with their assistant, and then telling you to brush better.

Spotted on Instagram:

Men be like: I would love the opportunity to give you the bare minimum.

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

I feel bad for Slash. He bought a goofy hat in like 1986 and now he has to wear it until the day he dies.

Freshly posted on Facebook:

I love Fleetwood Mac, but “thunder only happens when it’s raining” is just not true.

Spreading quickly via Telegram:

My brain has too many tabs open.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

People said follow your dreams, so I went back to bed.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

“Stop thinking about it.” Wow, thank you, I am cured. You should write a book.

I stopped adding “Let me know if you have any more questions!” to my emails because don’t email me again.

When a door closes in life, sometimes it’s better to grab a hammer and nails and make sure the damn thing stays shut.

It sucks when you realize it’s only Thursday, until you realize it’s only Wednesday.

Sorry, I would love to, but I just made a bunch of rules for myself, and I’m actually not allowed to do that.

Donating blood today to make room for more food.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨