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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇼 has bookmarked:

I travel like I’m rich, then eat like I’m broke.

Someone from 🇲🇬 has copied:

Hate when I get halfway there and have to go back for my teeth.

Someone from 🇻🇳 has copied:

Life would be so much easier if you could push a button that makes dickheads fall through a trap door in the floor.

Someone from 🇱🇨 has bookmarked:

Stop rushing in the morning. You’re starting your day in panic mode.

Someone from 🇰🇪 has viewed:

Apparently “ew no” is not an acceptable way to tell my boss I don’t want more responsibility at work.

Someone from 🇹🇿 has copied:

I’ve been blocked by better.

Someone from 🇨🇩 has viewed:

Nothing fixes your life the way deactivating Instagram does.

Someone from 🇦🇺 has bookmarked:

Doomscrolling: because who doesn’t love anxiety as a hobby?

Someone from 🇦🇪 has shared:

There are 8 billion people in the world and I only have 3 friends, and one is annoying.

Someone from 🇨🇲 has bookmarked:

My therapist is fluffy and walks on four paws.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

218 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,487

Funny Quotes Topics

17,559

Funny Quotes Images

15,487

Jan 5, 2026

3,295

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Instagram:

Hello bedtime my old friend, my brain is laughing once again.

Breaking via Slack:

Here I am, block me like a hurricane.

Going viral on Facebook:

JFK is the perfect name for this airport because it’s a bloody headache.

Broadcasted on Snapchat:

Now that I got a library card, I’m moving differently.

Spotted on Instagram:

Vanilla perfumes are so nice. It’s like walking into a bakery but you are the bakery.

Breaking via Messenger:

Just because you are unique, doesn’t mean you are useful.

Spotted on Pinterest:

Welcome to your 40s: that “teenager”over there is actually 27.

Freshly posted on Messenger:

People who have apartment windows that face the street and put their Christmas trees in them, thank you for your service.

Just shared via LinkedIn:

If buying isn’t owning, then pirating isn’t stealing.

Live now on TikTok:

Me, as a vampire: Tell me, mortal, have you had any alcohol in the last 24 hours?

Please do not ask a bookworm if they are going to finish the books they have before buying more. It is very offensive in our culture.

2 months ago

0

Please do not ask a bookworm if they are going to finish the books they have before buying more. It is very offensive in our culture.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Asking a bookworm if they'll finish their books before buying more is like asking a chef if they'll finish cooking all the meals in their recipe book before trying a new one. Let's not insult their literary appetite! 📚🐛 #BookwormCulture"

ask, before, books, bookworm, buying, culture, finish, going, humor, literature, offensive, reading

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Dear recipe websites. I don’t need your life story. Just give me the recipe.

0

2 months ago

cooking, frustration, give, humor, i, just, life, life story, me, need, recipe, simplicity, story, website
I prefer not to think before speaking. I like being as surprised as everyone else by what comes out of my mouth.

0

2 months ago

communication, humor, self-awareness, speaking, spontaneity, surprise, thinking
I start each day assuming it will be horrible and go from there.

0

2 months ago

assume, day, horrible, humor, i, morning, morning routine, optimism, perspective, routine, start
Polar bears drinking Coca Cola is my favorite holiday vibe.

0

2 months ago

bear, coca, Coca Cola, cola, drink, drinking, favorite, festive, holiday, polar, polar bear, vibe, winter
If you talk about astrology, and no one stops you, it means you must be incredibly pretty.

0

2 months ago

appearance, astrology, beauty, compliment, humor, interaction, means, pretty, social, social interaction, talk, talking
I’ve taken a long, hard look at myself. I won’t be doing that again.

0

2 months ago

again, doing, growth, hard, humor, i, introspection, myself, personal, personal growth, sarcasm, self-awareness, self-reflection, taken

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

32 shares on TikTok this month:

What doesn’t kill you gives you a twisted, dark sense of humor.

34 shares on X this month:

If you wave your keys in front of a giant house, people will think you own it.

75 shares on Pinterest this month:

At this point, I’m not sure if my house is a mess or my mess is a house.

87 shares on Reddit this month:

Just because you can connect to your neighbor’s bluetooth speaker and play ghost noises doesn’t mean you should.

69 shares on Slack this month:

God knew I would be too powerful if I had conversation skills.

56 shares on Threads this month:

My morning coffee makes me feel like I’ve got my shit together. I don’t, but it makes me feel like I do.

81 shares on Instagram this month:

The healthy food in my fridge should be grateful really. It survives much longer than everything else.

68 shares on X this month:

I have now spread out a blue tarpaulin in the garden. I want it to look like I have a pool on Google Maps.

87 shares on Threads this month:

People say nothing is impossible, but I do nothing every day.

96 shares on Slack this month:

Grocery shopping while hungry feels like online shopping while drunk.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

9 folks are currently checking 👀

Cartoons make it look like getting stabbed in the butt with a pitchfork would be no big deal, but I beg to differ.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

How many of y’all are “burn a CD” and “lime wire” old?

11 folks are currently checking 👀

My soulmate probably seen my posts and deleted me.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

I need a reasonable job. Something like $3,000 an hour. Nothing too wild.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

I did not attend his funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

Remember when we were young we wanted to stay up for New Year’s? Now we’re old and cursing because we’re staying up past 9:30 and our entire sleep routine is disturbed.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

I’ve started dating myself exclusively but it’s not working out.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

Hangman is so great. No better way for a child to learn how to spell than by having to save a man from hanging to death.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

I hate when I change the battery in the bathroom scale, and it starts telling the truth again.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

Lack of sex really gets you mad at every little thing for no reason.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

218 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,487

Funny Quotes Topics

17,559

Funny Quotes Images

15,487

Updated

Jan 5, 2026

Users Online

3,460

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇫 has copied:

For Valentine’s Day, I’m gift-wrapping a shirt my husband hasn’t worn in years. It’s the thought that counts—and technically, I thought of it twice.

Someone from 🇱🇷 has bookmarked:

This morning, like every morning, he practiced his quick draw of his finger guns in the bathroom mirror, because you just never know.

Someone from 🇺🇿 has copied:

If someone drunk texts you, appreciate it. They’ve thought of you when they can barely think straight.

Someone from 🇱🇾 has shared:

Ever since I was a kid, I always knew I wanted to live in a galaxy far, far away.

Someone from 🇳🇱 has bookmarked:

Lucky for me, I don’t have enough friends for an intervention.

Someone from 🇺🇬 has downloaded:

Started from the bottom and I’m still ain’t shit.

Someone from 🇦🇴 has viewed:

At some point in life, you graduate from Family Guy to American Dad.

Someone from 🇬🇼 has viewed:

I can understand why chickens wake up and scream.

Someone from 🇸🇷 has copied:

Game night with the family is only fun until I lose.

Someone from 🇺🇸 has viewed:

If you think swimming with dolphins is expensive, you should try swimming with sharks. It cost me an arm and a leg!

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Threads:

I’d log off, but I get so tired of hearing myself talk.

Making waves on Messenger:

The year number is getting too big, let’s do another Jesus soon.

Trending via Telegram:

I received a DM telling me that I’ve offended some of you. I’m truly sorry; I meant to offend all of you.

Just landed via Messenger:

Letting my wife sleep in a little longer for Mother’s Day before we wake her up and ask what’s for breakfast.

Spotted on Slack:

To call you stupid would be an insult to stupid people!

Making waves on Twitch:

I took the road less traveled because I was hoping not to run into anyone I know along the way.

Shared recently on Snapchat:

Life hack: Allow yourself 8–12 hours of alone time every morning to prepare for the day.

Spreading quickly via WhatsApp:

Whitening my teeth by getting a tan.

Seen just now on Discord:

In a parallel universe, I go to bed early and wake up fresh and unstoppable.

Spreading quickly via Twitch:

My wife asked me why the bottle of wine we bought yesterday was half empty. I said because she is a pessimist.

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