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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇻 has bookmarked:

I don’t like violence, but I don’t mind if I get hit by luck.

Someone from 🇧🇮 has copied:

Just checked my bank account. Looks like everyone’s getting a hug for Christmas.

Someone from 🇻🇨 has bookmarked:

Bartenders be like “here’s that receipt, I’ll go ahead and put it on the wettest part of the bar”.

Someone from 🇲🇽 has shared:

Saying “shut up” before skipping the YouTube ad is literally necessary.

Someone from 🇳🇬 has shared:

Don’t be ashamed of who you are, that is your parent’s job.

Someone from 🇹🇹 has viewed:

Within a week, we’ve had a major jewel heist, a mafia-involved poker ring, and sports gambling corruption. We’re living in the 1920s.

Someone from 🇹🇳 has downloaded:

I no longer need an alarm clock because I’m over 40 and have a bladder.

Someone from 🇲🇲 has viewed:

A girl can casually just say something, and you already know you’re not going to date or marry her.

Someone from 🇱🇻 has viewed:

I really can’t wait until it all works out.

Someone from 🇦🇩 has copied:

Men make money to be with a woman, but women make money to not have to be with a man. Clock it!

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,689

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Reddit:

Sometimes I delay my haircut intentionally to look rugged just to make that glow-up more iconic.

Spotted on X:

I finally became a butterfly, and everyone’s already asking what’s next.

Breaking via TikTok:

This Thanksgiving, don’t ask me questions about my life, just pass the mashed potatoes.

Trending via Pinterest:

I’ve decided to cut my carbs… into smaller pieces before eating them.

Just shared via Slack:

Maybe one day a street will be named after me. Or a school. Or a mental hospital.

Spotted on Facebook:

Just thinking how many animals we had to ride on before we realized horses were ok with it.

Just shared via X:

Back then, my parents were afraid of what I would do on the Internet. Today, I’m afraid of what my parents do on the Internet.

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

Why do plane tickets have to be so expensive? You’re literally going that way anyway. Just give me a ride.

Breaking via LinkedIn:

Eating cold ravioli counts as breakfast if you’re still wearing yesterday’s clothes.

Just shared via X:

That’s kind of sexy of you to be a little weird.

Please, if you ever offer me a snack and I say no, ask me again, I didn’t mean it the first time.

Playful text about stubbornness and snacks, humorous and relatable.
Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Note to friends: when offering snacks, remember the golden rule – persistence is key! 🍿🍫 Don't take no for an answer, because deep down we all secretly want that second helping 😄 #SnackAttack"

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Keep the laugh going 😂

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Social Media Stars ⭐

77 shares on Discord this month:

Dear unsuccessful applicant, we ultimately decided to split the role between existing staff without paying any of them extra.

19 shares on Instagram this month:

Food is like sex: When you abstain, even the worst stuff begins to look good.

58 shares on Pinterest this month:

You don’t need a therapist, you need an exorcist.

50 shares on Snapchat this month:

Girls want a bad boy to fix. Boys want a good girl to corrupt. Me? I just want a rumbustious monkey as a butler.

100 shares on Snapchat this month:

Whoever first said, “I’m in a pickle,” must have had the weirdest day.

44 shares on X this month:

Don’t forget to tell yourself more lies today.

50 shares on Threads this month:

I do not want to have a career. I want to sit on the porch.

24 shares on TikTok this month:

Gave my family the wrong address for our beach rental. Hoping to get a couple days in before they find me.

100 shares on WeChat this month:

I think my type is a nice person.

77 shares on TikTok this month:

In a job interview, you can always respond to an awkward question with a deep gaze and parted lips, followed by “You complete me.”

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

13 folks are currently checking 👀

Offering friendship as a consolation prize for a failed romantic connection attempt is absolutely cruel.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

The advantage of being an identical twin: you only need one gym contract.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

Men, why do you still have the boxes your electronics came in?

23 folks are currently checking 👀

Just told my cat I’d give her 500 bucks to stop meowing.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

If you’re doing Dry January, please, please, keep it to yourself. Nobody cares, and you’re probably even more boring without alcohol.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

Why are there people outside at the same time as me? It’s my turn.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

Politics top tip: Gain people’s trust by telling them that everyone is lying to them.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

I think my wife has got early Alzheimer’s. Every day she tells me that she has no idea what she first saw in me.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

Me, when a 25-year-old talks to me: please be patient with me, I’m from the 1900s.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m busy watching the vegan couple next door arguing about the Big Mac wrapper I hid in their trash can.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,291

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇵🇱 has downloaded:

If I were karma, I’d watch my back.

Someone from 🇬🇦 has shared:

Girls will be like “it’s fine” and then go and curse your whole bloodline.

Someone from 🇲🇷 has shared:

Seriously, how sexy was Freud’s mom?

Someone from 🇲🇨 has bookmarked:

Hey there, Delilah, we know you broke that dude’s heart.

Someone from 🇯🇲 has bookmarked:

Had chicken and egg for dinner because I wanted to eat the whole family.

Someone from 🇺🇬 has bookmarked:

My first rodeo and my last rodeo were the same rodeo.

Someone from 🇰🇷 has viewed:

My ex thinks I’m with someone else, someone else thinks I’m with my ex, everyone wonders where I am. Here I am. Just enjoying my own life.

Someone from 🇰🇭 has copied:

Packed all my meds into one bottle for a trip and accidentally invented the best trail mix.

Someone from 🇲🇭 has shared:

The worst part about going to work is the part where you have to go to work.

Someone from 🇺🇬 has bookmarked:

In my retweeting era, because I’m just speechless.

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Slack:

Sorry for widening my eyes and whispering “The prophecy” when we first met.

Broadcasted on X:

People just don’t stop, collaborate, and listen like they used to.

Spotted on YouTube:

I don’t understand, but I also don’t care… so it works out.

Live now on LinkedIn:

Painted all of my red flags orange for fall.

Trending via Facebook:

Idea: An app that tells you where that bruise came from.

Shared recently on Telegram:

Gutted to report that spending a day offline, touching grass with my friends, was phenomenal for my mental health.

Making waves on Discord:

Every grocery store becomes an escape room if you see someone you know.

Going bananas on Facebook:

Changing my passwords regularly has certainly helped protect my accounts. Against me.

Shared recently on WhatsApp:

I love staying in a hotel. I’m eating room service in bed while I watch the worst TV show of all time on cable television. I’m working out in the gym and swimming in the pool. I’m using the amenities. To hell with Airbnb.

Just shared via Messenger:

Letting my wife sleep in a little longer for Mother’s Day before we wake her up and ask what’s for breakfast.

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