Wordgag ツ

Commentary:
"Finally free from the shackles of responsibility, I'm embarking on a new journey of profound laziness and unapologetic relaxation! 🛋️💤 Who knew my true passion was just lounging around all day? Here's to a future full of naps and Netflix binges! 🎉😆 #LivingTheDream"

career, career change, change, humor, job, laziness, not working, passion, quitting, true, working

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Whispering to paramedic before I pass out: save me, but not enough that I have to go to work tomorrow.

1 month ago
before, enough, health, humor, i, me, paramedic, pass, pass out, reluctance, save, tomorrow, work, workplace
I feel bad for those that don’t enjoy their own company. I be having a ball by myself.

3 months ago
alone, bad, ball, company, enjoy, enjoyment, feel, feeling, feeling bad, fun, having, having fun, i, myself, own, self, self company, self enjoyment
Why call it a “step dad” when you could have called it a faux pas?

1 month ago
call, dad, family, faux, faux pas, humor, jokes, parenting, pas, play, relationships, step, step dad, why, word, word play
I have poor night vision so I upgraded to LED headlights because it’s important to me to ensure nobody else can see either.

1 month ago
driving, else, headlights, humor, i, important, irony, led, LED headlights, me, night, night vision, nobody, poor, safety, visibility, vision
Never trust people who smile constantly. They’re either selling something or not very bright.

2 months ago
bright, humor, people, sarcasm, selling, smile, trust
My sleeping pattern isn’t even a pattern anymore. It’s a lifestyle.

2 months ago
habits, humor, insomnia, lifestyle, pattern, rest, sleep, sleep habits, sleeping

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Someone from 🇲🇪 has bookmarked:

If I’m too much, go find less. I’m not running a clearance sale.

Someone from 🇦🇲 has viewed:

The key to a healthy relationship is taking turns being the sad one.

Someone from 🇼🇸 has copied:

Welcome to your 40s. You now pay for 7 streaming services, only use 4 and can’t remember the password to any of them.

Someone from 🇫🇲 has copied:

You know you’re over 50 when you have “upstairs Ibuprofen” and “downstairs Ibuprofen”.

Someone from 🇸🇱 has bookmarked:

Skin coloured leggings should be illegal.

Someone from 🇰🇲 has shared:

What do you call it when everything pisses you off but you’re good at not murdering people?

Someone from 🇪🇷 has copied:

If I could go back in time, I’d probably stop Bruce Willis from saving us from that asteroid.

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Reddit:

If you can’t say anything nice, say something funny.

Seen just now on Slack:

That was a nice hour long Twitter scroll. Feel much worse as always. See you guys tomorrow.

Live now on Snapchat:

Some people stay in the past because that’s where they peaked.

Trending via WhatsApp:

You don’t scare me, I was married once.

Just landed via Messenger:

No kids at my wedding. Gonna Uber the flower girl home when she’s done.

Just shared via Pinterest:

Having a conversation with me is kind of like taking the scenic route.

Freshly posted on Instagram:

Nobody is more stressed than a person who has a lot of interests or passions and is still confused about their career.

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Quitting my job to pursue my true passion: not working.

Whispering to paramedic before I pass out: save me, but not enough that I have to go to work tomorrow.

I feel bad for those that don’t enjoy their own company. I be having a ball by myself.

Why call it a “step dad” when you could have called it a faux pas?

I have poor night vision so I upgraded to LED headlights because it’s important to me to ensure nobody else can see either.

Never trust people who smile constantly. They’re either selling something or not very bright.

My sleeping pattern isn’t even a pattern anymore. It’s a lifestyle.

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

If they cancel the Simpsons, we will no longer be able to see into the future.

One thing I miss about the pandemic is getting to rip my mask off like I just botched a surgery.

What if we kissed while watching the decay of our society?

Note: Press the button on the elevator as often as possible to activate the secret express function and speed up the thing.

When you want to feel at your thinnest, walk through Walmart at any time of day.

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Source? It was revealed to me on a walk.

I caught my husband eating the last of the ice cream last night. First of all, we are supposed to be dieting together. Second of all, I was going to eat that.

People say “I would never,” then here they come nevering like they never nevered before.

God ate when he created sleep, what a beautiful concept.

You know how a dog tilts his head and looks confused when he hears a strange sound? Yeah, that’s how I feel when some people are talking.

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Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Just eating the emotional support snickers bar in my purse. How about you?

I want to be like a caterpillar. Eat a lot, sleep for a while, and then wake up beautiful.

Not to brag, but I’ve seen Barbie naked.

Growing up, I didn’t think the expensive addiction that would ruin me would be Heinz ketchup, but here we are.

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Finally got around to emptying the vegetable drawer of the fridge before something started its independence movement in there.

I don’t have a welcome mat at my front door because I’m not a liar.

Receipts are like: Take this tiny piece of paper home with you and throw it away.

Much like lasagna, I’m just held together by cheese at this point.

Golf is a great way to learn all of the new curse words your subconscious has been cooking up in the lab.

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Quitting my job to pursue my true passion: not working.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

Whispering to paramedic before I pass out: save me, but not enough that I have to go to work tomorrow.

I feel bad for those that don’t enjoy their own company. I be having a ball by myself.

Why call it a “step dad” when you could have called it a faux pas?

I have poor night vision so I upgraded to LED headlights because it’s important to me to ensure nobody else can see either.

Never trust people who smile constantly. They’re either selling something or not very bright.

My sleeping pattern isn’t even a pattern anymore. It’s a lifestyle.

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

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