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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇵🇹 has viewed:

If you have an old house, but you haven’t got a ghost, you should complain to the estate agent.

Someone from 🇧🇼 has downloaded:

The greatest allies fascism and genocide have are the people who say, “I don’t follow the news, it’s too depressing.”

Someone from 🇷🇸 has bookmarked:

Sometimes I can’t tell if I’m in preschool or school… Oh wait, I’m at work.

Someone from 🇰🇪 has downloaded:

Don’t donate your plasma. It’s a big scam, and they’re just using it to make TVs.

Someone from 🇧🇾 has bookmarked:

Just did a seductive hair flip and an onion ring flew out.

Someone from 🇹🇴 has viewed:

Girls want a bad boy to fix. Boys want a good girl to corrupt. Me? I just want a rumbustious monkey as a butler.

Someone from 🇫🇯 has viewed:

We’ve had far more storms since we started naming them. We’re giving them the attention they crave. Just call it needy wind.

Someone from 🇵🇰 has bookmarked:

Another beautiful day, ruined by responsibility.

Someone from 🇸🇦 has shared:

I’m already ready to clock out from work tomorrow.

Someone from 🇳🇦 has shared:

It’s so funny how every true crime documentary eventually devolves into a story about how the police botched the entire investigation.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Dec 31, 2025

3,402

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Pinterest:

You ever met someone so dumb you gotta take a deep breath before responding to them?

Seen just now on TikTok:

AirBnB is fun for when you want to be financially abused by a stranger with a binder filled with rules.

Going viral on Instagram:

Why can’t you just be happy for me and then go home and talk behind my back later like a normal person?

Just landed via Slack:

All day I think about sleep but when it’s time to go to bed I don’t wanna.

Going viral on WeChat:

Hate it when my mouth says something my brain was trying to keep quiet.

Just landed via WhatsApp:

Stop blaming others for your mistakes. Study Feng Shui and blame the furniture.

Trending via Telegram:

Nothing has paid off less than learning to do the Macarena.

Just shared via Snapchat:

I don’t need the audio tour at the museum, I have my teen to provide critical commentary the entire time.

Going bananas on Twitch:

If we ever make eye contact, just know I imagined way too much already.

Live now on WhatsApp:

Since I’ve stayed away from most people, I get on much better with people.

Quitting my job to pursue my true passion: not working.

2 months ago

0

Quitting my job to pursue my true passion: not working.

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Commentary:
"Finally free from the shackles of responsibility, I'm embarking on a new journey of profound laziness and unapologetic relaxation! 🛋️💤 Who knew my true passion was just lounging around all day? Here's to a future full of naps and Netflix binges! 🎉😆 #LivingTheDream"

career, career change, change, humor, job, laziness, not working, passion, quitting, true, working

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

There’s a cougar warning in my neighborhood, but apparently it’s just a big cat. I bought a case of wine coolers for nothing.

0

2 months ago

apparently, big, big cat, case, casual, cat, coolers, cougar, cougar warning, humor, i, just, misunderstanding, neighborhood, neighborhood safety, nothing, safety, warning, wine, wine coolers
I don’t wanna start the year with any negativity so if you and I have had issues in the past, apologize to me immediately.

0

2 months ago

apologize, humor, i, issues, me, negativity, new, new year, past, relationships, resolution, start, year
When the grocery store moves the aisles around, you should be able to call the cops.

0

2 months ago

able, aisle, aisles, around, call, confusion, cops, frustration, grocery, grocery store, humor, joke, moves, navigation, police, shopping, should, store
I used to be a night owl, but as I’ve gotten older, I’ve become more of a person who doesn’t function at any time.

0

3 months ago

aging, energy, function, humor, i, lifestyle, night, night owl, older, owl, person, sleep, time, tiredness, used
Some people’s laughs are funnier than the joke.

0

2 months ago

amusement, entertainment, funnier, humor, joke, laughs, laughter
Nighty night! Don’t let the horror of existence bite.

0

2 months ago

bite, existence, existential, horror, humor, irony, let, night, sleep

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

90 shares on Slack this month:

I crashed my bike in 1989 and hurt my knee real bad. We didn’t have social media back then so I’m telling you guys now.

22 shares on Facebook this month:

I’ve learned a lot over the years, but the best advice I can ever give someone is never buy a used harmonica.

69 shares on Messenger this month:

I keep my mind active by worrying.

37 shares on YouTube this month:

I don’t need the web for attention, I jog in a wedding dress.

95 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Tech bro obsessed with “storytelling,” but hasn’t read a book in the last 5 years.

98 shares on Threads this month:

Saving on divorce lawyers by staying single.

17 shares on Messenger this month:

Adding geologist to my resume after hitting rock bottom.

91 shares on Reddit this month:

Instead of saying “Good morning,” my wife and I go straight into explanations of how badly we each slept.

55 shares on Facebook this month:

The only recipes they have online are where I’m the one who’s supposed to buy all this stuff and then make it. That’s not what I’m looking for.

15 shares on Threads this month:

This place was really tidy yesterday. It’s a shame you missed it.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

13 folks are currently checking 👀

Seeing people exercising outside my house really motivated me to get up and close the blinds.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

Most of your problems emanate from assuming that you are intelligent. Ease into your stupidity, and be free.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

If you wave your keys in front of a giant house, people will think you own it.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

Even though he murders a lot of people, you can tell Freddie Kruger is a fun loving guy cause he goes by Freddie and not Fred or Frederick.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

The class: “You want us to do what?” Super Mario: “Jump around, catch and eat the giant mushroom, bang your head against the crates and, if necessary, crush all the critters. It’sa easy!”

5 folks are currently checking 👀

Deleting tweets like a writer who burns his manuscripts.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

The best part of being a bomb technician is that you can never have a bad day at work. The worst part of being a bomb technician is that you can never have a bad day at work.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

The government always waits until the last minute to prevent a shutdown, much like my approach to paying taxes.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

Traded my Fitbit in for a Sitbit.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

I wish people would stop holding back and use social media to tell us how they really feel.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,678

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇹 has downloaded:

Good morning to everyone except people who sit right next to you when there’s a whole room full of empty seats.

Someone from 🇩🇲 has bookmarked:

I wish other jobs let us solve issues by releasing diss tracks. Got some sick rhymes about Debbie from accounting and her poorly structured invoicing.

Someone from 🇧🇫 has shared:

Two mysterious people live in my house. “Somebody” and “Nobody.” Somebody did it and nobody knows who.

Someone from 🇭🇳 has bookmarked:

My summer body has been pending for about ten years.

Someone from 🇬🇩 has downloaded:

The feminine urge to open a coffee shop that’s also a library, a bakery, and a flower shop.

Someone from 🇰🇮 has copied:

How come all the single people don’t need no one, and all the married ones need two?

Someone from 🇵🇦 has downloaded:

The human brain is great. It works from the second you are born and stops as soon as you start liking someone.

Someone from 🇿🇼 has downloaded:

Not many things sadder than an untickled fancy.

Someone from 🇰🇼 has downloaded:

There’s nothing better than knowing that you don’t have to set an alarm clock for the next day.

Someone from 🇹🇼 has downloaded:

According to the web, caffeine deficiency is a life threatening condition for people around you.

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Facebook:

I voted for the candidate on the last yard sign I saw before pulling in. Slow children at play will lead us into the future.

Just shared via Facebook:

I miss when there were so many episodes of every show that they all eventually did one where it was hot, and the air conditioning went out.

Spotted on WeChat:

The best part of my kid graduating was unsubscribing from the school’s text messages.

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

You don’t know a person until you’ve seen them eat popcorn.

Just landed via Facebook:

I’m already ready to clock out from work tomorrow.

Seen just now on Messenger:

A poorly timed two-factor authentication request will be the thing that finally kills me.

Just shared via X:

Vegans will look you dead in the eye and tell you cauliflower tastes like ribs.

Going viral on Slack:

I’d rather you don’t watch me while I’m liking my own post.

Going bananas on TikTok:

Humanity was engineered as a biological weapon but left abandoned early in its development.

Shared recently on Instagram:

“Grey’s Anatomy” but it’s told entirely through the lens of the hospital’s HR department.

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