Trendy Funny Quotes

  • The price of groceries has gotten me thinking about what acorns taste like.
  • Just did my own taxes, I should be in jail by Friday.
  • Job interview: Where do you see yourself in five years? Me: Hopefully on a sabbatical.
  • Everybody thinks “Free Hugs” signs are cute, unless you’re a boa constrictor.
  • As a dad, you’re required to ask your neighbor “You gonna do mine next?” when you see them raking leaves.
  • I be skipping everyone’s stories but watch mine like 20 times.