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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇳 has viewed:

The billionaires have decided that the people with nothing have too much.

Someone from 🇲🇼 has bookmarked:

My therapist said cutting people off isn’t healthy. She’s next.

Someone from 🇨🇱 has viewed:

I tried selling my soul to the devil, and he said no.

Someone from 🇾🇪 has downloaded:

You cannot trust me at a zoo because I’ll release the animals.

Someone from 🇹🇲 has shared:

I don’t want to brag or anything, but I can still fit in the earrings I wore in high school.

Someone from 🇱🇹 has downloaded:

Sex is cool but have you ever had your bed all to yourself.

Someone from 🇵🇭 has viewed:

If it doesn’t get a like in the first two years, I delete it.

Someone from 🇸🇾 has bookmarked:

My two moods are eating a breakfast sandwich or wishing I was eating a breakfast sandwich.

Someone from 🇱🇮 has bookmarked:

The list of women who haven’t slept with me is really impressive.

Someone from 🇧🇳 has bookmarked:

Washing my hands in the sink and then wiping them on my cat, like a towel.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Updated

Jan 20, 2026

Users Online

3,295

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Messenger:

Sending messages is easy. Living with them forever is the hard part.

Trending via Reddit:

I’ve never met a garlic bread I didn’t get on with.

Going bananas on X:

I pretend I don’t care about stuff, but that’s only because I have no idea what’s going on around me at any given time.

Freshly posted on WeChat:

Researchers have discovered that birthdays are healthy. People who have more grow older.

Just shared via Threads:

Please have a seat and witness my self-destruction firsthand.

Spreading quickly via Instagram:

The trick is to be born in the right place and at the right time. If you mess that up, it gets tedious.

Just shared via WeChat:

You never realize what you have until it’s gone. Toilet paper is a good example.

Shared recently on Slack:

The retirement age needs to be lowered to 40, I’ve had enough.

Freshly posted on Slack:

I have this ability where I can look at someone’s profile picture and determine whether they are evil or not.

Freshly posted on X:

I only sleep so my phone can get the night off.

Ruin a perfectly nice trip out with your child by bringing your child.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Who knew that the secret to ruining a relaxing outing was just in bringing your child along? 😂 Sorry, kids, but your unintentional mischief level is off the charts! 🙈👧🏻👦🏼 #ParentingStruggles"

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Keep the laugh going 😂

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Social Media Stars ⭐

65 shares on Snapchat this month:

I’m still waiting for the day my parents will say, “It’s all fake, we are millionaires, this was just to teach you to be humble”.

67 shares on YouTube this month:

Have to wear real clothes on Monday. Pray for me.

59 shares on Snapchat this month:

Please stop adding touchscreens to cars. Most of these idiots can barely drive as it is.

27 shares on Instagram this month:

If you have children, you can experience all human emotions before 9 a.m. on Sundays.

31 shares on TikTok this month:

Your call is very important to us, here’s six days of irritating music.

62 shares on Reddit this month:

On my phone, you’ll never see contacts saved as ‘babe’ or ‘love.’ I save full names—first and last—like a government office.

80 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Oh, how much I love a Sunday when you don’t have to work the next day.

15 shares on YouTube this month:

The person who invented autocorrect should burn in hello.

66 shares on Snapchat this month:

Petition to lower the retirement age. I’m tired now.

37 shares on YouTube this month:

Coffee is just goth water.

Trending Topics 📁

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Hot Jokes 💥

24 folks are currently checking 👀

Crossing things off my to-do list… I didn’t do them, I just don’t want them on my list anymore.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

At this point, I’m sure I’ll meet an alien or zombies before I meet the love of my life!

24 folks are currently checking 👀

You should be allowed to leave work early if you are really in love.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

If you feel depressed, go for a run. You will soon find out your physical health is far worse than your mental health.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

The possibility of monsters residing underneath your bed is negated when the mattress is positioned on the floor.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

You guys can continue with the week, I’ve stopped here.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m cosplaying as a functional adult again.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

Hello, hi. Don’t invite me anywhere until next year. The money is finished. Regards.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

Drinking coffee because hitting people over the head with a shovel is frowned upon.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

My favorite part about health insurance is how your teeth and eyeballs are add-ons.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Updated

Jan 20, 2026

Users Online

3,593

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇧 has viewed:

I’m really good at compromising as long as I get my way.

Someone from 🇮🇩 has viewed:

Men be like “I would do anything for you,” and then do nothing.

Someone from 🇧🇹 has viewed:

I don’t remember what I wanted to be when I grew up, but I’m pretty sure it wasn’t a broke, stressed-out, over-thinker with no clothes that fit.

Someone from 🇶🇦 has shared:

The world started without permission again.

Someone from 🇲🇩 has shared:

“You changed!” Yeah, I thought three days in the same outfit was kinda pushing it.

Someone from 🇹🇩 has downloaded:

If your girlfriend doesn’t go a little psycho on you from time to time, then she’s not in love with you, sweetie.

Someone from 🇹🇴 has bookmarked:

Pro tip: Invest in pasta companies. Worth every penne.

Someone from 🇹🇻 has downloaded:

Need to shave my legs again. Blow-drying takes far too long.

Someone from 🇷🇺 has viewed:

Bacon should be free for anyone having a bad day.

Someone from 🇹🇻 has downloaded:

Amazon cart: Order now and it will arrive today. Amazon confirmation email: LOL, just kidding, it’ll be a week from tomorrow.

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

I think social media is marvellous. You type your thoughts into it, and then insane people let you know if they like them or not.

Just landed via Discord:

My wife screamed “you haven’t listened to a single word I’ve said, have you?!” I was taken aback, what a weird way to start a conversation.

Just landed via Reddit:

“Careful. It’s slippery!” – Everyone, after you’ve already slipped.

Seen just now on Twitch:

Real lovers are currently single, by the way.

Seen just now on Threads:

Everyone’s a gangster until they turn a spoon the wrong way under running water.

Just landed via X:

Always remember, if you ever need me, I’m just several phone calls and unread texts away.

Breaking via LinkedIn:

Fun fact: Malcolm X was not his birth name. He was originally Malcolm Twitter.

Live now on LinkedIn:

Super excited about a brand new year full of questionable life choices.

Spreading quickly via Pinterest:

I know it hurts like hell, and you don’t think you can do it, but it’s just one push-up.

Freshly posted on Reddit:

My brain at 2 a.m.: “You up?”

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