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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇵🇰 has copied:

Whenever someone asks me if my dog is adopted I respond with, “no, she’s biologically mine.”

Someone from 🇺🇦 has bookmarked:

Took my car to the mechanic because it was making a terrible noise. He removed the Mariah Carey Christmas CD, and now it’s fine.

Someone from 🇧🇪 has viewed:

Whoever came up with the name wallpaper really nailed it.

Someone from 🇫🇲 has shared:

Sorry for having no idea what the hell I am doing. It will happen again.

Someone from 🇨🇳 has shared:

My son just turned an everything bagel into an everywhere bagel.

Someone from 🇨🇻 has viewed:

I would be more patient if it didn’t take so long.

Someone from 🇹🇻 has downloaded:

My ex thinks I’m with someone else, someone else thinks I’m with my ex, everyone wonders where I am. Here I am. Just enjoying my own life.

Someone from 🇸🇦 has downloaded:

People who play golf don’t concern me nearly as much as the people who watch it.

Someone from 🇨🇻 has copied:

Incense sticks are just disappointing sparklers.

Someone from 🇰🇷 has bookmarked:

Third wheeling with two girls who are best friends is so much worse than third wheeling a couple.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Dec 31, 2025

3,473

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on TikTok:

No one my age is single because they’re all unhappily married.

Seen just now on TikTok:

I wish I could have a kid just to see what it looks like… and then put it back.

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

Every time I stand up, my dog gets excited as hell. He understands that I’m a real man who can make shit happen at any given moment.

Breaking via LinkedIn:

The web is the only place where you encourage strangers to follow you. What could possibly go wrong?

Trending via Slack:

No, sorry, next week won’t work. I’ll be a shadow of what I once was.

Trending via Slack:

When God closes a door, he opens a window. Unfortunately, we are in a submarine.

Making waves on TikTok:

The good old days, when you didn’t have to charge your watch and it didn’t constantly remind you how fat you were.

Trending via Pinterest:

I am such a fun person and so easy to get along with as long as the layout I have secretly imagined for the entire day goes exactly as I planned it without variation or interruption.

Just shared via TikTok:

Can we not just call it Zealand now?

Seen just now on Facebook:

Them: Good morning! Me: Where?

Saying “sounds good to me” in a meeting then quickly realizing a lot more was expected from you.

2 months ago

0

Saying “sounds good to me” in a meeting then quickly realizing a lot more was expected from you.

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Commentary:
🤭 Whoops, that moment when your casual agreement turns into a surprise mission impossible! Just like saying "sure, I'll just climb Mount Everest in my lunch break, no problem" and then reality hits like a ton of bricks! 🏔️😅 #UnderestimatedMyself

agreement, commitment, confusion, expectation, good, humor, lot, me, meeting, realization, response, saying, sounds, workplace

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Don’t forget to brush your teeth, comb your hair, cleanse your face, and share my posts.

0

2 months ago

brush, daily, daily routine, face, forget, hair, humor, hygiene, media, posts, routine, self-care, share, sharing, social, social media, teeth
Please don’t send me mixed signals, I don’t even understand the clear ones.

0

2 months ago

clear, clear signals, communication, confusion, dating, even, humor, i, me, misunderstanding, mixed, mixed signals, please, relationships, send, signals, understand
If you buy something with a lifetime warranty and it breaks, the manufacturer will send a hitman to your house.

0

2 months ago

break, buy, hitman, house, humor, joke, lifetime, manufacturer, repair, send, something, warranty
Humans should grow a new set of teeth in our 30s to make-up for all the poor decisions in our 20s.

0

2 months ago

20s, 30s, choices, decisions, grow, growth, humans, humor, life, life choices, makeup, new, poor, should, teeth, thirty, twenty
There’s endless songs out there about love and pain and life, but basically only one about the wheels on the bus. Just goes to show you they nailed it the first try.

0

2 months ago

bus, endless, first try, humor, just, life, love, music, only, pain, show, song, songs, try, wheel, wheels
Once you’ve read the dictionary, every other book you read is just a remix.

0

2 months ago

book, dictionary, humor, literature, reading, remix

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

72 shares on Slack this month:

If humanity is so smart, how come it took thousands of years after the wheel was invented for someone to put them on a suitcase?

51 shares on Messenger this month:

If I eat a magnet, will I become more attractive?

92 shares on Threads this month:

I don’t even want a new year this year. I’ll take a lightly used 2006, if it’s available.

27 shares on Instagram this month:

The romantic says that there is the right partner for everyone. The realist says: only one person has to choose the wrong one and then it won’t work out for everyone!

44 shares on WeChat this month:

The problem with rich people is that I am not one.

54 shares on Threads this month:

Sex is cool but have you ever had a king size bed all to yourself.

77 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Why don’t straight men and lesbians hang out like straight women and gays do?

66 shares on Discord this month:

There’s not gonna be a civil war. None of us can afford to take that much time off work.

65 shares on Threads this month:

Girls will be like “it’s fine” then start drawing a pentagram in blood on their floorboards.

30 shares on TikTok this month:

Warning: This movie contains “Adult Themes” such as interest rates, bad knees, back pain, and excitement about going to bed early.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

19 folks are currently checking 👀

My favorite part about summer is when I get to go back inside where it’s air conditioned.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m not athletic, but I’m good at jumping to conclusions.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

They say an apple a day keeps a doctor away. But what do I need to eat to keep everyone away?

20 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m glad it’s not snowing. I can’t imagine shoveling snow in this heat.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

My shadow quit because I’m too boring.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

Called off work. Feeling fat and wearing jeans.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

It’s interesting growing up and learning that most adults are not smart. I had my suspicions as a kid, but I didn’t think the situation was this dire.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

Millennials aren’t having kids because no one’s made lo-fi hip-hop beats to yell at your kids to.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

Just saw the fattest bird. This guy must get up early as hell.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

Airports are so funny. Like, “Oh, you’re flying across the country? Would you like to hang out in a mall first?”

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,526

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇻🇳 has viewed:

Dr. Pepper just unseated Pepsi as the second most popular soda in America. Don’t tell me that getting your PhD isn’t worth it.

Someone from 🇲🇭 has copied:

Shoutout to Netflix for being the only one that checks in on me every few hours. “Are you still watching?” Yeah, babe, thank you for asking.

Someone from 🇦🇸 has shared:

I’d be a terrible masseuse. After 5 minutes, I’d be like, “Okay, my turn.”

Someone from 🇺🇦 has bookmarked:

Terrifying if true: Her eyes lighting up a room.

Someone from 🇬🇹 has shared:

A dinosaur as a pet would solve so many problems. Mainly, people problems.

Someone from 🇳🇮 has copied:

Roses are red, my name is not Dave, this makes no sense, microwave.

Someone from 🇹🇼 has downloaded:

Asking Santa Claus for nudes.

Someone from 🇵🇪 has viewed:

I need something good to watch while I’m on my phone.

Someone from 🇱🇰 has copied:

No one lies more than a parent who says, “We’ll see.” You know we’re not seeing anything.

Someone from 🇪🇹 has bookmarked:

“Too much garlic”? What’s next? Too much love? Too much desire?

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Threads:

Unpopular Opinion: Die Hard is a Harry Potter movie. He sneaks around a tower at night avoiding Alan Rickman.

Making waves on Facebook:

The sandwich I made for lunch didn’t even make it until 10am.

Freshly posted on Facebook:

Me: what can possibly go wrong though. Anxiety: I’m glad you asked.

Spotted on Instagram:

Do you ever feel like you’re a white shirt and life is a red wine?

Breaking via Snapchat:

“God has a plan for you!” Okay, well, I have some notes for him.

Live now on WeChat:

You’re confusing me with someone who cares what you think of me.

Shared recently on Discord:

Not to brag but there are so many movies out there that have watched me sleep.

Just shared via Messenger:

Apologies about the delay to your flight. We’re just waiting for one 3D printed part, but apparently a ‘fuselage’ takes a little time.

Going viral on Facebook:

I thought being an adult meant cake for breakfast, not budgeting for therapy.

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

My son just turned an everything bagel into an everywhere bagel.

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