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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from ๐Ÿ‡จ๐Ÿ‡ด has viewed:

And then there are those dates after which you think: “Have I really shaved my legs for this?”

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡น๐Ÿ‡น has viewed:

I love mirrors because they remind me of how pretty I am.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฎ๐Ÿ‡ธ has viewed:

I ainโ€™t typing โ€œXโ€ into the URL bar, my wife is right behind me.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡จ๐Ÿ‡ฟ has downloaded:

Wild that we could have been foraging for berries and dying off at 33, but we chose this nonsense instead.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฒ๐Ÿ‡น has viewed:

Hiking in your 40s is a great way to meet new people. Today I met two paramedics, three nurses, a cardiologist, and nearly met Jesus.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ซ๐Ÿ‡ท has shared:

If three ghosts visited me on Christmas, Iโ€™d make them play Mario Party with me.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡บ๐Ÿ‡ฟ has viewed:

Thinking of starting a true crime podcast. Gotta explain this search history somehow.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ณ๐Ÿ‡ฟ has copied:

“In a galaxy far, far away” is starting to sound quite enticing.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ช๐Ÿ‡น has copied:

Itโ€™s almost time to put winter tires on the struggle bus.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ต๐Ÿ‡ผ has bookmarked:

Getting older is realizing how great doing nothing is.

Funny Quotes Data ๐Ÿค“

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Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Updated

Jan 20, 2026

Users Online

3,399

Social Media Log ๐Ÿ’ซ

Live now on Messenger:

You don’t get to comment on the world until you’ve made your bed.

Shared recently on Messenger:

Going on dates is hard because do I like them or do I just have sooo much fun being me.

Freshly posted on Instagram:

This body is a temple; I suicide bomb every day.

Just shared via Reddit:

I need an Apple Watch that tracks when my patience runs out.

Seen just now on Messenger:

Please don’t buy my book on reverse psychology.

Spotted on Threads:

Me, as a vampire: Tell me, mortal, have you had any alcohol in the last 24 hours?

Going viral on LinkedIn:

I may not be the smartest or most athletic man in the world. There’s no second part to this, keep scrolling.

Just landed via LinkedIn:

We all just kind of accept it as normal that we have a meat tentacle living inside of our mouth.

Spotted on LinkedIn:

Good morning, may your coffee be strong and your boss not weird today.

Trending via Facebook:

My playlist is so random, I be heartbroken, thugged out, and yeehaw all at the same time.

Sex is great, but have you ever started slowly picking up speed after sitting in a traffic jam?

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Commentary:
Ah, who needs to find love when you can find the perfect rhythm merging into traffic instead? ๐Ÿš—๐Ÿ’จ Forget about slow dancing, slow traffic-picking is where it's at! ๐Ÿ˜… #TrafficJamThrills

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Social Media Stars โญ

11 shares on Slack this month:

Happy birthday to everyone, for the rest of your lives. I canโ€™t do this anymore.

89 shares on TikTok this month:

When women get to a certain weight, you’ll notice they change their social media profile pictures to flowers, cats, or dogs.

78 shares on WhatsApp this month:

You don’t have to write every day to be a writer! You just have to feel guilty every day that you don’t.

75 shares on Snapchat this month:

Maybe the grass is greener over there because you’re not over there messing it up.

85 shares on Instagram this month:

Love that every time I finish a snack I have to wave my hands around to prove to my dog itโ€™s all gone, like Iโ€™m cashing him out at a casino or something.

76 shares on Discord this month:

Save money by accidentally forgetting your wallet at home. Follow me for more financial tips and tricks.

29 shares on TikTok this month:

When you say โ€œYouโ€™re going to hate me for this,โ€ youโ€™re making a very large assumption that I donโ€™t hate you already.

22 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I swear the air gets heavier around 6 p.m. on Sundays. You can feel the Microsoft Teams energy approaching.

64 shares on WeChat this month:

Maximizing rent value by turning ‘homebody’ into an Olympic sport!

25 shares on Messenger this month:

Nice to finally get back that hour they stole earlier this year.

Trending Topics ๐Ÿ“

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Hot Jokes ๐Ÿ’ฅ

6 folks are currently checking ๐Ÿ‘€

They say sugar can’t fix your problems. Yeah, well, neither can broccoli. At least cake puts in the effort.

9 folks are currently checking ๐Ÿ‘€

I taught my kids about democracy tonight by having them vote on which movie to watch and pizza to order. I then picked the movie and pizza because I’m the one with the money.

15 folks are currently checking ๐Ÿ‘€

For a girl that loves sleep and hates stress, my career choice is questionable.

23 folks are currently checking ๐Ÿ‘€

Not to brag, but Iโ€™ve done nothing for several hours.

24 folks are currently checking ๐Ÿ‘€

I am both dumber and smarter than you think. Do not estimate me.

7 folks are currently checking ๐Ÿ‘€

In a room full of art, I’d still stare at you.

21 folks are currently checking ๐Ÿ‘€

Group projects in school weren’t meant to teach you teamwork, they were meant to teach you how to deal with the incompetence of your coworkers in the workplace.

12 folks are currently checking ๐Ÿ‘€

Forget being the bigger person, Iโ€™m going to just start barking at people.

18 folks are currently checking ๐Ÿ‘€

Headache pro-tip: Bang your toe into something.

12 folks are currently checking ๐Ÿ‘€

Sorry, I’m late. I was pumping up the jam.

Funny Quotes Data ๐Ÿค“

New Funny Quotes

calculatingโ€ฆ

Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Updated

Jan 20, 2026

Users Online

3,431

Activity Log โœจ

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ณ๐Ÿ‡ช has bookmarked:

For someone who is afraid of failure, Iโ€™m very unmotivated.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ง๐Ÿ‡ณ has shared:

UK rappers be like โ€œIโ€™ve got a posh flat and my bird is very comely, I own more motors than the marchioness of cholmondeleyโ€

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ณ๐Ÿ‡ฌ has viewed:

Tryna choke on gummy bears so my tombstone can read ‘killed by a bear’

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฆ๐Ÿ‡ฒ has viewed:

AirPods are hungry for earwax. It’s your job to feed them.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฐ๐Ÿ‡ช has shared:

I really can’t wait until it all works out.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฌ๐Ÿ‡ฉ has downloaded:

I need an Apple Watch that tracks when my patience runs out.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ธ๐Ÿ‡ฟ has shared:

The only thing that could possibly put a smile on my face is a Sharpie.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฑ๐Ÿ‡ฐ has viewed:

Unfortunately, I am literally obsessed with the woman I am when I get stuff done, so Iโ€™m just going to keep doing that.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡น๐Ÿ‡ท has bookmarked:

Them: I havenโ€™t seen you in a long time. Me: Youโ€™re welcome.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฆ๐Ÿ‡ธ has viewed:

Sorry, I donโ€™t think I can hang out this weekend, my 4-year-old is still telling a joke.

Social Media Log ๐Ÿ’ซ

Freshly posted on Telegram:

If you comment to say “No comment,” you have, in fact, commented.

Just shared via Instagram:

I bet it feels so good for a cat to headbutt someone they adore.

Shared recently on Threads:

No place in this world is as dark as my archived chats on WhatsApp.

Just landed via Twitch:

Coffee tastes so much better handed to me.

Trending via Instagram:

My favorite dance move is trying to get out of my own way.

Going bananas on WhatsApp:

It was a complicated 17-hour surgery, but they finally managed to separate the art from the artist.

Making waves on TikTok:

Donโ€™t invite me places. I was cesarean. I didnโ€™t want to come out then and I certainly donโ€™t want to now.

Trending via Pinterest:

I would never put up a lost dog poster. I’m not letting the whole neighborhood know I fumbled.

Spotted on Snapchat:

You know youโ€™re over 50 when you have โ€œupstairs Ibuprofenโ€ and โ€œdownstairs Ibuprofenโ€.

Just shared via Threads:

โ€œIโ€™ll run it by the bossโ€ is one of the peak boomerisms you can say as a married man. It feels electric.

ยฉ 2026. All rights reserved.

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