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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇧 has bookmarked:

Can you imagine being a 7th grade girl and being able to see your crush’s bedroom during Zoom math class.

Someone from 🇲🇨 has downloaded:

I never knew how fast I could write until the teacher said pencils down.

Someone from 🇬🇧 has copied:

I’m an ethical hater. My hate towards you is informed, balanced, and deeply nuanced.

Someone from 🇩🇰 has copied:

The Secret Service was chasing me but I painted a tunnel on the side of a wall and they all ran into it.

Someone from 🇦🇲 has downloaded:

Salt is just angry sugar.

Someone from 🇸🇿 has bookmarked:

Babies will literally step on your face just to grab what they want.

Someone from 🇲🇩 has copied:

If I’m ever on life support, unplug me, then plug me back in. See if that works.

Someone from 🇲🇲 has bookmarked:

Adding “Free HBO” to your dating profile isn’t the game changer you’d think it’d be.

Someone from 🇷🇸 has viewed:

My new phone is being delivered by Amazon, which means that I can track its movements for a day before it tracks mine for five years.

Someone from 🇫🇯 has downloaded:

When it gets past my bedtime, I get so scared.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

243 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,512

Funny Quotes Topics

17,578

Funny Quotes Images

15,512

Jan 7, 2026

3,493

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Pinterest:

Getting a second opinion about my Tamagotchi’s health.

Seen just now on Instagram:

I was the most patient parent and then I had kids.

Just landed via LinkedIn:

Why is smoking the only addiction jobs give you breaks to do? I should get 15 minutes every hour to cook up some parlays.

Broadcasted on Pinterest:

I’ve finally found out what chronology is. And it’s about time.

Just landed via Twitch:

Not my circus, but I’ve grown quite fond of its monkeys.

Trending via X:

I enjoy long walks in the woods, but only because there’s a chance I’ll get eaten by a bear.

Breaking via Twitch:

Too poor for Ozempic but too undisciplined for strict diet and exercise. Is there a secret third option?

Shared recently on Slack:

Not trying to brag but this cop says my rear end is smoking.

Going bananas on X:

Alcohol is actually a performance-enhancing drug. But you’re not gonna like the performance.

Seen just now on YouTube:

I only use ‘sir’ disrespectfully.

She’s a 10, but she says ‘Orwellian’ when it’s clearly ‘Kafkaesque”.

2 months ago

0

She’s a 10, but she says ‘Orwellian’ when it’s clearly ‘Kafkaesque”.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Looks like she got her literary jargon a bit mixed up! 📚😅 Someone needs to brush up on their dystopian terminology before dropping it into casual conversation. Can't be throwing around 'Orwellian' when you're clearly swimming in 'Kafkaesque' waters! 🐟📝"

$10, dating, expectations, humor, irony, Kafkaesque, literary, mismatch, Orwellian, relationship

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

I have one of those metal briefcases handcuffed to my wrist, and inside… my grandmother’s meatloaf recipe.

0

2 months ago

absurdity, comedy, family, grandmother, humor, i, joke, meatloaf, metal, playful, quirky, recipe, wrist
That awkward moment when someone is doing the dishes, and you slowly put your dish in the sink.

0

2 months ago

awkward, awkward moment, di, dish, dishes, doing, doing di, funny situation, humor, moment, procrastination, put, sink, situation, social, social situation, someone
When I was a kid, we still ate noodles. Then at some point we ate pasta. Today, we only eat carbs.

0

2 months ago

carbs, childhood, diet, eat, food, humor, i, kid, noodles, only, pasta, point, still, today
Went to the toilet today without my cell phone. There are 245 tiles.

0

2 months ago

boredom, cell, cell phone, daily, daily life, experience, funny experience, humor, life, observation, phone, tiles, today, toilet
Growing up, I always knew I was gonna be the distant family member.

0

2 months ago

always, distant, distant family member, family, growing, growing up, humor, i, identity, member
Toddlers negotiate like tiny mob bosses: it’s the hard way or the harder way.

0

2 months ago

boss, childhood, hard, harder, humor, humor quote, mob, mob boss, negotiation, parenting, stubbornness, tiny, toddlers

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

82 shares on Messenger this month:

I’d imagine the sound of clowns having sex would just be a cacophony of bicycle horns.

14 shares on Twitch this month:

“It’s not that deep.” Of course it’s not. With a shallow mind like yours, nothing ever is.

99 shares on Reddit this month:

My mother still has some really ugly things from the 90s. My older brother, for example.

46 shares on Messenger this month:

The only recipes they have online are where I’m the one who’s supposed to buy all this stuff and then make it. That’s not what I’m looking for.

10 shares on Messenger this month:

Thank you, Facebook memories, for constantly reminding me of the shitty taste in men I had for the majority of my life.

22 shares on Reddit this month:

You ever get road rage while walking behind someone moving slowly at the grocery store?

33 shares on WhatsApp this month:

When someone asks me why I’m leaving the party early, I say “I’m late for an appointment with my pajamas.”

16 shares on Threads this month:

If you pretend you’re erasing the evidence of a murder while cleaning the bathroom, you’ll do a better job, and it actually becomes fun!

50 shares on Telegram this month:

I keep screenshots the way my husband keeps old cords, stored neatly away until the day I might need them.

29 shares on WeChat this month:

Women always want to marry intelligent men. What they don’t know: Intelligent men don’t want to marry.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

17 folks are currently checking 👀

Sometimes the whole point of going out is to then really savor coming back home.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

I drive home so quick after work like I’m late for the house.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m not enjoying this slow-burn apocalypse. I need it over and done like a popular Netflix show.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

Other people: You should get out of your comfort zone. Me: You should get out of my comfort zone.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

If Halloween is over, then why am I still scared?

12 folks are currently checking 👀

Savannah is one of the only girl’s names that’s also a significant “biome”.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

I voted for the candidate on the last yard sign I saw before pulling in. Slow children at play will lead us into the future.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

Blocking me is like blocking the sun, the moon and the stars.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

Damn, girl, are you Black Friday? Because I’m wondering what your bloody deal is.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

My sleep schedule and I are not on speaking terms.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

243 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,512

Funny Quotes Topics

17,578

Funny Quotes Images

15,512

Updated

Jan 7, 2026

Users Online

3,354

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇮🇩 has shared:

I bought some old lady reading glasses as a lark, a laugh, and now my eyes don’t hurt. This isn’t what I wanted.

Someone from 🇧🇴 has bookmarked:

Gonorrhea would’ve been a great name for diarrhea medicine.

Someone from 🇴🇲 has copied:

All dogs go to heaven, but I never see them in church.

Someone from 🇰🇲 has shared:

A two-step guide to warning someone not to hit their head: 1. Wait until they’ve hit their head. 2. Say “Ooh, mind your head!”

Someone from 🇹🇹 has viewed:

Opposites often not only attract each other, they often also undress each other.

Someone from 🇧🇾 has downloaded:

If my coworker doesn’t stop asking questions on this Zoom meeting, I will drive across town and slap his face on the call.

Someone from 🇸🇿 has shared:

I’ll never salute you, General Settings.

Someone from 🇨🇳 has copied:

The difference between a songbird and a hummingbird is that one of them knows the lyrics.

Someone from 🇬🇭 has downloaded:

I make sure to post my political opinions after my selfies have gone viral to cull the herd.

Someone from 🇵🇹 has shared:

The lion does not concern himself at all. The lion is depressed.

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Discord:

These days, I only use Facebook as a birthday calendar.

Freshly posted on Reddit:

When someone yells stop, I don’t know if it’s in the name of love, it’s hammer time, or if I should collaborate and listen.

Trending via YouTube:

You could waterboard pretty much any embarrassing information out of me. I’m very waterboardable.

Spotted on Telegram:

I wanna be a jellyfish— no heart, no brain, no feelings, no pain— just blub blub blub.

Shared recently on Facebook:

Fundamentally, I understand chess, because I too would never let my king feel unsafe.

Trending via TikTok:

For once, I’d like to spiral into control.

Making waves on Slack:

You’re always bitching about your alarm clock, but put yourself in his shoes. The first thing he sees in the morning is your face.

Just shared via Snapchat:

Opinions are like air fryers. Everyone’s got one and they won’t stop banging on about them.

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

My kidnappers sent me back early with a full apology, some money, and several of their fingers.

Just landed via Twitch:

When you have the money, you can go a whole day without eating. But when you’re broke, the dizziness starts at 6 a.m.

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