Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇪🇷 has downloaded:

Explain it to me like I’m five then do it for me like I’m one hundred.

Someone from 🇺🇾 has copied:

Somewhere, a therapist you never met knows about you.

Someone from 🇮🇪 has copied:

The Bible is 100% accurate when thrown at close range.

Someone from 🇬🇦 has bookmarked:

You know it’s a fancy restaurant when you have to point at what you want on the menu because you can’t pronounce the name.

Someone from 🇦🇫 has shared:

Nothing betrays your age more than the slang you refuse to let go of.

Someone from 🇹🇯 has copied:

To be blocked is to be seen and to be seen is to be loved.

Someone from 🇼🇸 has shared:

Sorry for bouncing my leg. I’m not allowed to bash my head into the walls anymore.

Someone from 🇧🇭 has shared:

Bought an eggplant, imma grow my own eggs.

Someone from 🇨🇦 has bookmarked:

Dear sleep: thanks for trying, but you can’t beat surfing the net.

Someone from 🇧🇯 has downloaded:

No LinkedIn, I am not “open to work,” I am required to work.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,571

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Instagram:

Drinking coffee because hitting people over the head with a shovel is frowned upon.

Seen just now on Reddit:

I won’t bore you with my problems because all of my problems are fascinating.

Live now on Facebook:

No matter how sad their story is, don’t let anybody move into your house.

Seen just now on YouTube:

Need to become a tour guide. I’ve just realized it’s the only job I can think of that combines my loves of walking around and knowing more than everyone around me.

Breaking via Reddit:

I bought a bag of M&M’s and they don’t have M’s anymore. They all have W’s, for woke.

Just landed via Messenger:

Rather than work on my issues, I’m counting on my personality getting changed by a falling coconut.

Spotted on Reddit:

McDonald’s only giving me 9 Chicken Nuggets instead of 10 is how my villain origin story began.

Seen just now on YouTube:

Automatic doors that don’t open fast enough make me look dumb.

Spotted on Twitch:

The Jaws theme stays on during sex.

Just shared via LinkedIn:

Bored as hell. Anyone want to emotionally manipulate each other?

Single in the womb, single till the tomb!

2 weeks ago

Funny Quotes

Funny and witty text emphasizing lifelong singleness with a playful vibe.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Looks like this one came out of the womb swiping left! 💔🤰 Forever solo in the solo cup of life! 🥂 #SingleLife"

humor, life, loneliness, relationships, single, tomb, womb

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Social Media Stars ⭐

19 shares on Messenger this month:

Some people spend a fortune so they can circle the world. I drink some beer and the world circles around me.

60 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Male barista called me “my love” yesterday and didn’t say it today… getting mixed signals and feeling really upset.

55 shares on Messenger this month:

It’s amazing how so many people can rave about Star Wars or Star Trek and at the same time make sure that the only realistic future prospect is Mad Max.

75 shares on Snapchat this month:

There’s no reason my stomach should be growling, I just gave it some iced coffee.

66 shares on Discord this month:

New challenge called “don’t say ‘wow it’s already dark by five these days’ for the rest of winter”

34 shares on Reddit this month:

This year felt like being awake during surgery.

98 shares on Reddit this month:

You can make friends in a doctor’s waiting room as long as you have something broken and not something coughing.

48 shares on Instagram this month:

Confuse your doctor by putting on rubber gloves while he does.

35 shares on Pinterest this month:

Me (seductively looking at a potato): would mash.

29 shares on Pinterest this month:

The second date is you watching me parallel park and trying not to have a stroke.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇱🇰 has viewed:

Keep your friends close, but your smartphone closer.

Someone from 🇲🇼 has viewed:

Stay an extra hour in the office and no one cares. Arrive a few minutes late and everyone loses their minds.

Someone from 🇹🇩 has bookmarked:

AI is that friend who is always there for you but gives terrible advice.

Someone from 🇬🇭 has shared:

Gonna get my eye looked at today. Usually it’s the other way around.

Someone from 🇧🇷 has viewed:

I could tell by the way she was pouring gasoline on a pile of my clothes that the relationship had hit some turbulence.

Someone from 🇺🇦 has downloaded:

Hopefully it won’t be as bad as it already is.

Someone from 🇲🇻 has bookmarked:

A big part of my job as a parent is moving things away from the edges of countertops.

Someone from 🇱🇦 has bookmarked:

I hope the coffee hits harder than reality does.

Someone from 🇹🇻 has bookmarked:

Scooby Doo was a woke-ass show. Every villain was just a landlord trying to scare people off their property so they could sell it.

Someone from 🇯🇲 has viewed:

They say half the battle of getting in shape is mental, so I thought about the gym really hard today.

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Threads:

Back to work after the long holiday weekend, so you’re finally away from the relatives you don’t like, and back with the co-workers you don’t like.

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

I’ve been asked to join a swingers club, but I’m a little nervous. What if I’m not good enough? I haven’t been on a swing since I was 9.

Spotted on Pinterest:

Making waves on Discord:

You are my favorite dirty thought.

Making waves on Threads:

I’ve been saying for years that cigs are better for you than vapes, and the vindication I feel now is just orgasmic.

Going viral on Snapchat:

Your reply guys are like Pooh Bear. They wear no pants and are relentlessly trying to get in your honeypot.

Seen just now on Facebook:

I believe in annoyed at first sight.

Making waves on Messenger:

Not trying to brag but I just beat the high score on this blood pressure machine.

Making waves on X:

The only thing worse than a nightmare is waking up from a great dream before you get to see how it ends.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Single in the womb, single till the tomb!

That little pocket on jeans is the perfect size for the money I have left over after I pay all my bills.

Awake? You may be entitled to compensation.

This is no glow. This is the rage that boils inside me.

David Attenborough narrating my life: “He’s still sleeping.”

Had a king sized bed all to myself last night. Must be what Rose felt like on that door.

I’ve never been kissed under the cameltoe or whatever it’s called.

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Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Single in the womb, single till the tomb!

Keep the laugh going 😂

That little pocket on jeans is the perfect size for the money I have left over after I pay all my bills.

Awake? You may be entitled to compensation.

This is no glow. This is the rage that boils inside me.

David Attenborough narrating my life: “He’s still sleeping.”

Had a king sized bed all to myself last night. Must be what Rose felt like on that door.

I’ve never been kissed under the cameltoe or whatever it’s called.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨