Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇪 has bookmarked:

Remember, for some unknown reason Santa doesn’t make batteries.

Someone from 🇬🇷 has viewed:

Confucius says: “Those who drink a lot die earlier, but have seen twice as much in life.”

Someone from 🇩🇲 has shared:

Savannah is one of the only girl’s names that’s also a significant “biome”.

Someone from 🇷🇼 has downloaded:

If stupidity got us into this mess, then why can’t it get us out?

Someone from 🇺🇸 has copied:

Need a dimly lit cocktail date with a gaze so lustful it causes God to draft up another sin.

Someone from 🇬🇷 has viewed:

They always say, there is someone for everyone… unfortunately, the person for me is a therapist.

Someone from 🇵🇬 has copied:

Have you ever been sitting around overthinking about overthinking, and then wonder why you’re even thinking that?

Someone from 🇹🇿 has downloaded:

Getting the ick because he put the windshield wipers on at a higher rate than was needed.

Someone from 🇱🇸 has copied:

Everyone else time traveling: Preventing wars or the spread of disease. Me: Buying multiple pairs of my favorite shoes they’ve stopped making.

Someone from 🇷🇴 has downloaded:

If your store’s bowl of water is just for pets, you should really put up a sign.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

353 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,622

Funny Quotes Topics

17,673

Funny Quotes Images

15,622

Updated

Jan 12, 2026

Users Online

3,392

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on TikTok:

I forgot how to panic. Help!

Broadcasted on Slack:

It sucks when you have to stand on an escalator for 30 minutes because of a power cut.

Going viral on Messenger:

I hate the person I become when I try to open a package using the ‘Tear Here’ notch, and it stays sealed.

Just shared via Facebook:

Grocery stores should have baskets in the middle of the store for those “I really overestimated how much I can carry” moments.

Spotted on Messenger:

I’m not saying Lois Lane is a bad investigative journalist, but my friend Greg didn’t wear glasses to work yesterday and I recognized him by lunch time.

Making waves on Twitch:

Your pronouns should be get/help.

Spotted on Messenger:

Look at you with tape over your camera, while Amazon, Facebook, and Google have your whole life on file.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

Please don’t take illegal substances. Or at least, don’t take MY illegal substances.

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

I’ve cooked for men I should have poisoned, so yeah, I do have self-control.

Single in the womb, single till the tomb!

3 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Looks like this one came out of the womb swiping left! 💔🤰 Forever solo in the solo cup of life! 🥂 #SingleLife"

humor, life, loneliness, relationships, single, tomb, womb

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

I don’t need a maid. I just need someone to tell me once a week that they’re coming to visit, and I’ll panic-clean my entire house in less than an hour.

2 weeks ago

chores, cleaning, coming, hour, house, humor, i, just, less, maid, me, motivation, need, once, panic-cleaning, procrastination, someone, tell, visit, visitor, week
I personally feel like I have what it takes to become a fossil.

2 months ago

aging, feel, fossil, humor, i, joke, self-deprecation
It would be cool if, after you died, you could see the top 5 times you almost died.

4 weeks ago

5, after, afterlife, almost, cool, death, died, event, experience, humor, life, life event, near-death, near-death experience, reflection, surprise, times, top
If you need ChatGPT to write an email, maybe you shouldn’t have job.

2 months ago

ChatGPT, dependency, email, humor, job, maybe, need, technology, workplace
My neighbors were yelling so loud at their kids to clean up their room that out of fear even I started cleaning my room.

3 months ago

clean, cleaning, fear, funny situation, humor, i, kids, loud, neighbors, parenting, room, situation, yelling
Sheep to the left of me. Cows to the right. Here I am. Stuck on a bus with a view.

2 months ago

am, animals, bus, cow, here, humor, i, left, me, right, scenery, sheep, stuck, travel, view

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

80 shares on Twitch this month:

You can either have a nice evening or you can help your child with their math homework. You can’t have both.

47 shares on TikTok this month:

Has someone told the whales that they can’t sing?

29 shares on X this month:

I’m actually pretty attractive, if you don’t compare me to anyone, ever.

87 shares on TikTok this month:

I’ve already broken all my resolutions and like four commandments.

24 shares on Facebook this month:

Super excited about a brand new week of faking it.

26 shares on Twitch this month:

Maybe the clouds, trees, and flowers love looking at you too.

95 shares on Pinterest this month:

Female dragonflies will fake their own deaths to avoid mating with unwanted males. They are like, “Ugh, here comes Carl again. Play dead, girl!“

19 shares on Pinterest this month:

Taking action is my least favorite thing to take.

20 shares on WhatsApp this month:

The lioness does not concern herself with the pile of clothes she moves between bed and chair every day.

99 shares on YouTube this month:

If you think I’m funny, you should hear the voices in my head.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇶 has bookmarked:

Fruit and vegetables expire faster when you’re the one paying for them.

Someone from 🇧🇴 has bookmarked:

Blocking someone isn’t enough, I want them to get lice.

Someone from 🇨🇷 has shared:

I don’t understand why banks get so mad when you can’t pay back your loan. You already knew I had no money when I came to borrow it.

Someone from 🇸🇨 has shared:

I get ignored so much, my name should be “terms and conditions”.

Someone from 🇧🇹 has viewed:

Babe, wanna come over and watch me apply for jobs on Indeed until I start to cry.

Someone from 🇨🇿 has bookmarked:

Don’t talk to me about regrets if you’ve never had someone’s name tattooed on you.

Someone from 🇫🇲 has viewed:

Since I started following the wisdom of ancient Chinese philosopher Fuk Yu, my life has been so much better…

Someone from 🇧🇫 has copied:

This year is starting to feel like it needs to be left outside until we see if it can act right.

Someone from 🇹🇻 has copied:

Why can’t Chinese restaurants chop the broccoli in their dishes? I feel like I’m trying to fit an entire bonsai tree into my mouth.

Someone from 🇱🇰 has downloaded:

Sneaking up behind people and marrying them.

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Reddit:

I just bought a universal remote. This changes everything.

Shared recently on TikTok:

Embattled politicians resign saying they want to spend more time with their families. Do their families get a say in this?

Freshly posted on Reddit:

Unfortunately, I do love being the only person who knows exactly what I mean and the hidden meaning behind everything I do.

Going bananas on WeChat:

Opening up to people is a scam. Don’t do it.

Just shared via YouTube:

Doggy style is out cat style is in. It’s where I let you touch me until I’m satisfied then ignore you and scratch you if you try and touch me again.

Making waves on Twitch:

They need to invent a dishwasher with a window on it. I have to know what goes on in there.

Shared recently on Telegram:

I often choose gift bags instead of wrapping, not just out of laziness, but also because I have the fine motor skills of a drunken panda.

Just landed via TikTok:

Wisdom of the day: Don’t do anything you don’t want to explain to the paramedic.

Just shared via Threads:

If someone asks you if you’re in the queue, what they actually mean is “you’re really shit at queuing, aren’t you?”

Spotted on TikTok:

For whom the doom scrolls!

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Single in the womb, single till the tomb!

Related Funny Posts 🤝

I don’t need a maid. I just need someone to tell me once a week that they’re coming to visit, and I’ll panic-clean my entire house in less than an hour.

I personally feel like I have what it takes to become a fossil.

It would be cool if, after you died, you could see the top 5 times you almost died.

If you need ChatGPT to write an email, maybe you shouldn’t have job.

My neighbors were yelling so loud at their kids to clean up their room that out of fear even I started cleaning my room.

Sheep to the left of me. Cows to the right. Here I am. Stuck on a bus with a view.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨