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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇭 has bookmarked:

My anxiety is chronic, but my overthinking is iconic.

Someone from 🇹🇭 has downloaded:

Spending the day with my mom and her mom, just observing the patterns.

Someone from 🇮🇶 has viewed:

It’s so cold that men who wear shorts outside in the winter are wearing TWO pairs of shorts.

Someone from 🇲🇦 has copied:

It’s not my job to police the internet, but I just saw someone post a recipe for cauliflower cookies and reported them for harmful content.

Someone from 🇦🇷 has bookmarked:

Anime characters are always like “But you didn’t know about my eye,” and then they activate their mode.

Someone from 🇲🇨 has shared:

Money is always a motive for murder. Stay broke.

Someone from 🇸🇷 has copied:

Forget sexy talk. I want breakfast talk. Describe those waffles to me nice and slow.

Someone from 🇱🇷 has bookmarked:

“Seize the day!” No thank you. I will leave the day alone and hope it extends me the same courtesy.

Someone from 🇱🇺 has viewed:

This year should be named “things I never thought could happen”.

Someone from 🇦🇿 has viewed:

The question “how is work” really pisses me off. Work is work, bro, I don’t know what else you want me to say.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,456

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on LinkedIn:

I sexually identify as a microwave dinner, because I am ready in 5 minutes, look nothing like my photos, and I’m just satisfying enough for you to want me again when you’re desperate.

Shared recently on Pinterest:

The term “bisexual” is so confusing. Are you sexual twice a week or once every other week?

Shared recently on YouTube:

I do believe TikTok saves the funniest videos for late at night. There’s no way.

Going bananas on X:

I lied, there’s no sex. Stand over there and tell me if this painting I’m hanging is straight.

Making waves on LinkedIn:

If I had a tiny girlfriend, I would love to throw her across gaps so she can pull levers and open doors that get me to her part of the level.

Just landed via Pinterest:

All these galaxies and planets, and we ended up on the one with 40 hour work weeks.

Seen just now on YouTube:

Nobody views your story faster than someone who doesn’t talk to you.

Freshly posted on YouTube:

My husband was unable to find his coat earlier as he’d accidentally hung it up.

Shared recently on Reddit:

I’m proud to announce that am winning my fight against sobriety.

Spotted on WhatsApp:

The state of my house can best be described as “there seems to have been a struggle”.

Sometimes our greatest achievement in life is being able to survive our own thoughts.

Clever quote about life's challenge of managing one's own thoughts, humorously highlighting mental struggles.
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Commentary:
"Surviving our own thoughts is like navigating through a minefield of 'what ifs' and 'I should have saids' 🤔💥 But hey, at least we can proudly pat ourselves on the back for making it this far without getting lost in our own heads!"

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Keep the laugh going 😂

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Social Media Stars ⭐

100 shares on Reddit this month:

Sometimes you really do write a whole poem just to give one beautiful phrase a home.

35 shares on Slack this month:

Peer pressure has nothing on me; all my bad decisions are made single-handedly.

29 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I’ll let you guys know if the psych ward has wifi.

41 shares on Threads this month:

Helvetica is my favorite font that sounds like a heavy metal band.

62 shares on LinkedIn this month:

“I’ll just iron my clothes for work in the morning,” he thought in stupid bachelor.

88 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I told my GPS I needed direction in life, and now it insists on recalculating every hour.

83 shares on Instagram this month:

Getting up early would be easier if we could keep our eyes closed.

16 shares on Messenger this month:

Autocorrect has become our worst enema.

45 shares on Telegram this month:

I feel so bad when I overtake an old person on the sidewalk. Like, man, I really didn’t mean to flex on you with my youthful stride.

37 shares on Instagram this month:

Just overheard someone describe their hike as “it was like mountain climbing, but flat”.

Trending Topics 📁

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Hot Jokes 💥

22 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m so thankful I live on the planet that has pizza.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

Fundamentally, I understand chess, because I too would never let my king feel unsafe.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

His palm trees are Serengeti, destination wedding, luggage is heavy. There’s vomit on his tux already, Dollar store confetti.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

Some people have goals based on a summer body. Mine revolve entirely around the weight limit of my beach chairs.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

We need an app where introverts can pay extroverts to make phone calls for them.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

Don’t be afraid to ask questions during a job interview. It’s the best way to find out if the person you’re interviewing is a good candidate for the job.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

Can anyone recommend some good places for somebody just getting into visiting?

13 folks are currently checking 👀

Just as “magic spells” use special rhymes and archaic terms to signal their power, the convoluted language of legalese acts to convey a sense of authority.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

I don’t like violence, but I don’t mind if I get hit by luck.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

I am deeply overwhelmed and yet incredibly bored at the same time.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,289

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇾 has viewed:

Any fool can criticize, condemn and complain, and most do.

Someone from 🇺🇦 has copied:

My husband threw away a perfectly good box as if we might not need it in 20 years.

Someone from 🇨🇷 has copied:

My superpower? Staying calm when talking to idiots.

Someone from 🇰🇼 has shared:

If they don’t look at you like you’re magic, disappear like Houdini.

Someone from 🇻🇪 has shared:

Silence is golden. But duct tape is silver.

Someone from 🇧🇷 has shared:

The retirement age needs to be lowered to 40, I’ve had enough.

Someone from 🇸🇩 has downloaded:

I can’t believe Halloween was 10 pounds ago.

Someone from 🇬🇭 has shared:

I be skipping everyone’s stories but watch mine like 20 times.

Someone from 🇩🇰 has shared:

If you wish me a happy Thanksgiving, don’t be surprised if I whip out a ziplock bag and ask you to bring me home some leftovers.

Someone from 🇬🇶 has bookmarked:

Genuinely nothing worse than going bowling with people who are actually good. Like, why are you doing all that?

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on WeChat:

Beautiful women named Severe Thunderstorm Warning are blowing up my phone.

Shared recently on WeChat:

Fog. When nature is too lazy to load the complete environment.

Going viral on LinkedIn:

Cleaned the bathroom window. Wasn’t frosted glass at all.

Shared recently on X:

Current state of politics: The circus is on fire but the monkey is fine.

Freshly posted on Threads:

Imagine having someone to come home to who doesn’t have fur.

Going viral on Slack:

Please continue to leave me out of the loop.

Going viral on Twitch:

Kinda sucks that I actually own a skeleton but don’t get to show anyone until I die.

Making waves on WhatsApp:

My retirement plan is time travel to the 80s.

Making waves on Messenger:

Sunglasses: allowing you to stare at people without getting caught. It’s like Facebook in real life.

Freshly posted on Discord:

Tried to sleep by reading a boring book and now it’s suddenly the most interesting book.

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