Sometimes our greatest achievement in life is being able to survive our own thoughts.

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Sleeping in in winter is really great, you still have about an hour of daylight left before it gets dark again.

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Imagine hating me, and I’m over here with one hand in my pocket, and the other one giving a high five.

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“What’s something you’d tell your younger self?” You can have ice cream for dinner, nobody will stop you.

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The world is my ostrich, or whatever.

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Putting a blanket over my boss so he thinks it’s night time and goes to sleep.

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That moment the doorbell rings and you tip toe to the window pretending you’re not home.

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Millennials are just 30-40-year-olds who look 20-30 years old and feel 80-90 years old.

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Trying is the first step toward failure.

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Loving her was my second biggest mistake. Not buying Bitcoins in 2010 still remains the first.

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The marriage rate has been trending downward. Choreographed wedding dances may be the reason.