Trendy Funny Quotes

  • We all have needs. I need my wife to go run errands so I can swipe the last donut.
  • My superpower? I can look you right in the eyes while you’re talking and not hear a single word you said.
  • My back hurts too much to lean over anymore, going to have to resort to picking things up with a deep curtsy.
  • Lazy Rule: Can’t reach it, don’t need it.
  • I’m sick of getting woken up at 6am by the bin men. I just want a nice sleep but they always insist that I get out of the bin before they collect it.
  • The best part of vacation with your extended family is talking shit about them on the trip home.