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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇫🇷 has copied:

We need an app where introverts can pay extroverts to make phone calls for them.

Someone from 🇮🇳 has copied:

Updating my resume. Anyone got a more professional word for “dumpster fire”?

Someone from 🇵🇬 has shared:

It’s so hot out here, I saw a bird blowing on a worm before he ate it.

Someone from 🇸🇨 has viewed:

I start off my mornings with coffee and low expectations.

Someone from 🇿🇼 has copied:

No rizz, just pretty eyes and many unsettling things to say.

Someone from 🇨🇷 has bookmarked:

A little mischievousness is good for the soul.

Someone from 🇱🇧 has bookmarked:

Running feels great until you compare it to not running.

Someone from 🇼🇸 has bookmarked:

My reality check bounced, guess I’ll have to stay insane for the time being.

Someone from 🇮🇹 has copied:

Hold on, let me overthink this.

Someone from 🇦🇬 has bookmarked:

I lied, there is no sex. You’re helping me repot plants.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

296 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,565

Funny Quotes Topics

17,623

Funny Quotes Images

15,565

Updated

Jan 11, 2026

Users Online

3,651

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Discord:

Carrots are a great thing to eat when you’re hungry, and want to stay that way.

Making waves on WeChat:

It infuriates me that computer Scrabble doesn’t get mad when I win even though I’m livid when it wins.

Going viral on TikTok:

Many people mistake me for an adult because of my age.

Seen just now on Telegram:

What’s it called when you mentally want to be horny but you’re physically not at all?

Broadcasted on WeChat:

I will never give another woman my heart until I see how she acts when a bee flies at her.

Going viral on TikTok:

I knew the date was going well when we shared a glass of gravy with two straws.

Trending via Messenger:

I never give second chances, just 10 and then goodbye.

Going viral on Threads:

If I had money, my life would be pretty much the same, but my dogs would destroy much nicer stuff.

Broadcasted on Pinterest:

Girl math is avoiding shipping costs by buying more.

Broadcasted on Reddit:

Saving on divorce lawyers by staying single.

Sorry, I’m poor, I can’t afford to pay attention.

3 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Sorry, I'm so broke that I can't even afford to pay attention…I guess my attention span is on a budget now! 🤑💸 #BillsGotMeStrapped"

attention, cost, financial, humor, i, joke, pay, poor, self-deprecation, sorry, witty

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Men have feelings too! Hunger, for example. Or thirst.

2 months ago

comedy, example, feelings, humor, hunger, men, relationships, stereotypes, thirst, too
Typos keep me humble. Every email is a gamble.

2 months ago

email, every, gamble, humble, humility, humor, keep, me, mistakes, technology, typo, writing
You’d seriously think I was wanted for murder by the way I react when someone knocks on the door.

3 months ago

anxiety, door, humor, i, introvert, knock, murder, reaction, someone, surprise, think, wanted
Brain, I know you’re trying hard, but you are not doing a good job.

2 months ago

brain, doing, effort, good, hard, humor, humor quote, i, job, know, mental, mental effort, self-awareness, self-deprecating, trying
I suspect that you don’t lose weight during sport because of the exercise, but because you can’t eat anything during this time.

2 months ago

anything, diet, eat, exercise, humor, i, lose, sport, time, weight
I’d like to thank the municipal snow plow for recreating the wall from Game of Thrones at the end of my driveway.

2 months ago

culture, driveway, end, game, Game of Thrones, humor, ID, municipal, municipal services, plow, pop, pop culture, services, snow, snow plow, thank, thank you, thrones, wall, winter, winter humor

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

32 shares on Instagram this month:

Anytime someone comments on my weight, I try to ignore them and keep my chins up.

26 shares on Pinterest this month:

Every time a Taco Bell rings, an angel gets diarrhea.

56 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Whenever Im in trouble, I think, what would Jesus do? Then I pretend to be dead and disappear for 3 days.

99 shares on Telegram this month:

I hate lying to my parents but it’s for their own good.

16 shares on Facebook this month:

“Are you sexually active?” Dude, I’m not even socially active.

27 shares on LinkedIn this month:

For my birthday, I want everyone to tell me how much they love me and why in immense detail.

58 shares on Pinterest this month:

Therapists are like, “You don’t owe anyone anything. Except me. You owe me 250 dollars for this session.”

57 shares on YouTube this month:

Getting ghosted by someone who bothered you in the first place is crazy.

65 shares on Messenger this month:

No rizz, just pretty eyes and many unsettling things to say.

31 shares on Reddit this month:

There are 400 billion stars in our galaxy and perhaps two trillion galaxies in total, and I just wonder if Miss Universe fully understands her achievement.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇭 has viewed:

I missed out on drowning tragically young in a suburban swimming pool.

Someone from 🇧🇸 has viewed:

This email could’ve been sex.

Someone from 🇭🇺 has downloaded:

These cannot be the same knees that used to get low in heels at the club.

Someone from 🇵🇦 has viewed:

I tried to walk like an Egyptian and now I need to see a Cairo practor.

Someone from 🇲🇬 has viewed:

I’m already cold. I know me and my low iron ain’t gonna survive winter.

Someone from 🇦🇱 has copied:

At the dispensary asking which strain will stop the yearning.

Someone from 🇪🇪 has shared:

I know it’s bad, and you’ve got to shut it down right away, but is there anything more hilarious than a swearing toddler?

Someone from 🇧🇪 has downloaded:

That awkward moment when you leave a store without buying anything, and all you can think is: “Act normal, you are innocent.”

Someone from 🇸🇲 has copied:

My boyfriend moved in with me straight from Hotel Mama. In a way, I’m now a single parent.

Someone from 🇰🇲 has viewed:

Perhaps we should have further developed natural intelligence before venturing into artificial intelligence.

Social Media Log 💫

Breaking via Twitch:

When science finally locates the center of the universe, some people will be surprised to learn they’re not it.

Shared recently on TikTok:

Just got some minutes of cardio trying to pick up an ice cube from the kitchen floor.

Shared recently on Pinterest:

Unlike the stomach, the brain doesn’t alert you when it’s empty.

Spreading quickly via WeChat:

Tonight we shall read a passage from the old testicle.

Freshly posted on X:

When physical labor became optional, we invented the gym. We’ll need the same thing for the mind.

Just shared via Reddit:

The idea that wisdom teeth are just some random glitch that God forgot to patch, so now we have to pull them out with modern technology, is retarded.

Just landed via Messenger:

Super excited about a brand new week of questioning all my life choices.

Trending via Telegram:

There comes a time in everyone’s life when you hear the newest slang, and you decide that you don’t care enough to know what it means.

Spreading quickly via WhatsApp:

Experts say that human interaction is important for brain health but I’m willing to risk it.

Breaking via Twitch:

Nothing says “not interested” quite like a Restraining Order.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Sorry, I’m poor, I can’t afford to pay attention.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

Men have feelings too! Hunger, for example. Or thirst.

Typos keep me humble. Every email is a gamble.

You’d seriously think I was wanted for murder by the way I react when someone knocks on the door.

Brain, I know you’re trying hard, but you are not doing a good job.

I suspect that you don’t lose weight during sport because of the exercise, but because you can’t eat anything during this time.

I’d like to thank the municipal snow plow for recreating the wall from Game of Thrones at the end of my driveway.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨