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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇫🇮 has downloaded:

Hundreds, nay, thousands of movies about falling in love but only one movie about a beach that makes you old.

Someone from 🇸🇲 has downloaded:

Probably the worst thing you can do when your wife gives you a disapproving look from across the room for being on your phone is finish typing this.

Someone from 🇪🇹 has viewed:

Not all angels are in heaven, me for example, I’m at work.

Someone from 🇰🇬 has bookmarked:

If you look close enough, everyone is insane.

Someone from 🇱🇺 has shared:

You sound unhinged. Let’s go get mugshots.

Someone from 🇶🇦 has viewed:

Nobody is more stressed than a person who has a lot of interests or passions and is still confused about their career.

Someone from 🇹🇳 has downloaded:

I feel sorry for dogs. They learnt to fetch newspapers, but newspapers are dying. Killed by an internet driven by cats.

Someone from 🇯🇲 has copied:

Men become instantly more attractive when they wear aviators; it’s science.

Someone from 🇪🇸 has viewed:

Іf Empire Strikes Back isn’t a Christmas movie, then why is there so much snow in it?

Someone from 🇳🇮 has copied:

Parenting just means you have to pretend you like to eat fruits and vegetables in front of your kids, knowing you’d rather eat a cheeseburger instead.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

766 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,928

Funny Quotes Topics

13,900

Funny Quotes Images

10,928

Updated

33 minutes ago

Users Online

3,435

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Telegram:

Headed to a wedding but my wife said I’m not allowed to refer to the bride as ‘the veiled threat.’

Freshly posted on WeChat:

All these microplastics in me could at least do some repair work to my knees and back while they’re in there.

Just landed via Telegram:

When I eat rotisserie chicken, I like to pretend that I’m performing an autopsy.

Seen just now on Instagram:

Kissing while both wearing baseball caps is so hard. How do baseball players do it?

Seen just now on Twitch:

Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot.

Making waves on Reddit:

I’m changing the game. I’m starting to thank people from the top of my heart.

Live now on Instagram:

Why can’t I cry money instead of tears?

Seen just now on Telegram:

Dogs are man’s best friend because a dog would never blindside you with a group chat.

Going viral on Snapchat:

Dear Snapchat memory, that’s not my friend anymore.

Seen just now on Snapchat:

I hope all of you get laid and not laid off this year. Amen.

That incredible ability of cats to only throw up on carpeted floors.

That incredible ability of cats to only throw up on carpeted floors.
Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Ah, the infamous magic trick of cats: Projectile Vomiting Primarily on Plush Palaces! 🐱🤢🧹 Who needs a bathroom when you have a perfectly good carpet to target, right?"

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

766 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,928

Funny Quotes Topics

13,900

Funny Quotes Images

10,928

Updated

33 minutes ago

Users Online

3,431

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇫 has copied:

A garlic a day keeps the doctor away.

Someone from 🇮🇩 has copied:

Donating blood today to make room for more food.

Someone from 🇲🇷 has bookmarked:

The difference between a songbird and a hummingbird is that one of them knows the lyrics.

Someone from 🇬🇦 has shared:

Who would have thought that eating a can of beans would backfire like this?

Someone from 🇵🇾 has bookmarked:

I was disappointed to learn today that my request for a sabbatical was rejected. Apparently that’s “not how marriage works.”

Someone from 🇸🇮 has viewed:

Santa keeps a pair of mounted antlers over his fireplace to keep the reindeer from unionizing.

Someone from 🇲🇱 has bookmarked:

I enjoy long walks up and down my stairs trying to remember what I was supposed to be doing.

Someone from 🇵🇭 has bookmarked:

It’s weird when you realize that what you thought was rock bottom was actually somewhere around rock middle.

Someone from 🇬🇷 has viewed:

Squirrels get most of their energy from chewing on powerlines, that acorn thing is just for show.

Someone from 🇲🇱 has bookmarked:

Why is it called “free time” when I use it to spend all my money?

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via X:

I dare you to try and be more single than me.

Broadcasted on Snapchat:

Maybe the reason Miss Piggy is still single is she has a fear of kermitment.

Just landed via X:

I’m so tired. Let’s see all of the horrible things happening in the world today before I try to sleep peacefully.

Making waves on Discord:

It’s almost time to pack away the black summer clothes and unpack the black winter clothes.

Broadcasted on Pinterest:

I tried to scream into the abyss today but got a busy signal.

Reported on Slack:

All the observable evidence suggests that, if I was much worse at my job, I’d be more likely to get a promotion to senior management.

Trending via Threads:

It’s difficult to play hard to get when I’m already hard to want.

Freshly posted on WeChat:

I don’t drink coffee all the time. I take breaks in between to make another one.

Just shared via Twitch:

Whenever I feel like I hate my job, I remind myself that I could be a food taster for the emperor.

Live now on Reddit:

Panda bears are proof that it’s okay to be kind of an idiot as long as you’re super adorable.

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