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Yesterday I went to a fight and a baseball game broke out.

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The only talent I have is spending more than I bring in.

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Life is a highway: Too many cars, not enough bathrooms.

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“The engine light is on!” Yeah, that means it’s working.

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Life is basically avoiding people who have seen you naked, whilst trying to find new people to see you naked.

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Putting mental health before my education is a good idea until it affects my education, which affects my mental health, which affects my education.

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No we can’t hangout, you’ll end up falling in love with me and I don’t have time for that.

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Unpopular opinion: The moon is actually way more useful than the sun. Because the moon gives us light at night when it’s dark. The sun only gives us light during the day when it’s already bright.

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Please remember, I am an inspiration for birth control.

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Watching as gravity slowly unfriends you.