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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇱🇻 has bookmarked:

Laxatives help you live up to your full pooptential.

Someone from 🇱🇹 has viewed:

If the Christians published the Kama Sutra, it would have been one page long.

Someone from 🇰🇭 has viewed:

The real reason for global warming is that today’s young people are nowhere near as cool as we were back then.

Someone from 🇰🇼 has viewed:

Women will invite you to shower with them, then cook you alive with a temperature of water you didn’t know existed.

Someone from 🇲🇨 has copied:

Started the year single. Ending the year single. Consistency is key.

Someone from 🇵🇬 has bookmarked:

I’d rather be spotted in a strip club than a Subway.

Someone from 🇱🇨 has bookmarked:

What if the universe wasn’t infinite or finite, but a secret third thing?

Someone from 🇱🇹 has bookmarked:

Every time I turn around, it’s Monday.

Someone from 🇲🇻 has bookmarked:

I didn’t lose a girlfriend, I gained an enemy.

Someone from 🇵🇦 has bookmarked:

Welcome to your 40s. “I’m too old for this shit” is now your excuse and explanation for everything.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Feb 3, 2026

3,367

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Instagram:

Turns out “YouTube rabbit hole” is not a reliable science degree.

Just landed via Messenger:

Wonder what I should wear to World War III.

Seen just now on TikTok:

I told my psychiatrist I’ve been hearing voices lately. He told me I don’t have a psychiatrist.

Freshly posted on WeChat:

Cats clean themselves with their little fish breath mouths, but somehow they always smell like laundry detergent, vanilla, and happiness.

Freshly posted on Messenger:

Old Spice doesn’t sound like something you wanna smell.

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

I don’t understand why people have to “get ready for bed.” I am always ready for bed.

Freshly posted on Slack:

My signature move is waving at someone who is waving at the person behind me.

Live now on WhatsApp:

If God did not intend for us to eat animals, then why did he make them out of meat?

Freshly posted on Threads:

Today feels like a good day for a cheeseburger.

Seen just now on WhatsApp:

Doctor advised me to stop drinking. This is going to be a big change for me. I was with that doctor for decades.

The cool thing about ignoring a notification is being surprised to see it over and over again.

7 days ago

Witty text about ignoring notifications, highlighting the humorous cycle of surprise.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Isn't it funny how our phones can have the memory of an elephant when it comes to notifications? 🤷‍♂️ Ignoring them once is like an open invitation for them to come knocking on your screen forever! 📱😂 It's like they're saying, "Hey, remember me? I'm still here waiting for you to give me some attention!" 🤭 #PersistenceIsKey #NotificationOverload

again, being, cool, humor, ignoring, notification, over, repetition, surprise, technology, thing

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

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Social Media Stars ⭐

37 shares on X this month:

According to your ex, what’s exactly wrong with you?

60 shares on WeChat this month:

I actually love talking to strangers, they will unknowingly say some shit that shifts your perspective, and you never see them again.

52 shares on Messenger this month:

My coffee and I used to be hot. Now, we’re just bitter.

47 shares on Pinterest this month:

Are you spaghetti because I want you to meat my balls?

81 shares on Facebook this month:

The guy in the stall beside doesn’t know he can shut off his camera shutter.

70 shares on Snapchat this month:

I got my superpowers when I was bitten by a radioactive idiot.

27 shares on Slack this month:

I’m only awake because my coffee needs me.

90 shares on Reddit this month:

Spilling hot coffee on your lap wakes you up faster than drinking it.

26 shares on WeChat this month:

And so ends another week without me getting rich unexpectedly.

26 shares on Instagram this month:

My mom didn’t raise a fool. Possibly a psycho, but never a fool.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

19 folks are currently checking 👀

I get it, credit cards, I’ve reached my limit too.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

Better to be a wolf that everyone hates, than a donkey that everyone rides.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

Every day, I go to work and draw a little tick on everyone who didn’t say goodbye to me the day before.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

I don’t have any generational wealth but I did inherit a great spaghetti sauce recipe.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

In Hell, “Cotton Eye Joe” plays on an eternal loop. The heat and fire are actually pleasant compared to that.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

“Never let someone else destroy your stuff when you can destroy it yourself”, every kid I ever.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

Watching Unsolved Mysteries and getting mad when they don’t solve the mystery at the end.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

Can’t, too busy deleting screenshots of my lock screen.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

Maybe dogs are smarter than us because they found a way to get fed and housed without having to go to college and get a job.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

Nobody cleans better than someone who’s pissed off.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,426

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇯🇲 has viewed:

The Gulf of Mexico should’ve been renamed to Sea Señor.

Someone from 🇵🇱 has viewed:

My husband and I are doing a workshop. He works and I’ll shop.

Someone from 🇸🇧 has downloaded:

Men be like, “I’m sexually attracted to you as a friend.

Someone from 🇩🇲 has downloaded:

I’m doing well at accomplishing nothing today and I’m very proud of myself.

Someone from 🇻🇪 has downloaded:

You don’t scare me, you’re not my ID photo.

Someone from 🇸🇱 has bookmarked:

Someone needs to invent a kid that listens the first time.

Someone from 🇻🇳 has downloaded:

The children seemed disappointed when I told them the best part about being an adult is going to bed early.

Someone from 🇸🇦 has shared:

For my future, I wish for another planet and a ticket to get there.

Someone from 🇮🇹 has bookmarked:

Me liking your post is the equivalent of an angel kissing your forehead.

Someone from 🇸🇬 has copied:

This year has gone by so quick. Christmas is basically tomorrow.

Social Media Log 💫

Live now on Facebook:

My back hurts too much to lean over anymore, going to have to resort to picking things up with a deep curtsy.

Trending via TikTok:

My cat’s in a bad mood, despite eating and sleeping all day.

Spotted on WhatsApp:

That awkward moment when you try something on in a shop but you don’t know if you can get it off again.

Trending via WhatsApp:

Imagine being a giraffe and having to throw up.

Trending via Discord:

Long shower. Fresh sheets. Hair braided. Lights off. Candle glowing. Room smells incredible. Airplane crash videos on.

Going viral on Threads:

You’ll never be as lazy as the person who named the fireplace.

Seen just now on Twitch:

All my small talk is done with a car horn.

Spotted on Instagram:

“I’m a very sleepy person, just at all the wrong times.”

Freshly posted on Slack:

When I don’t have money, I stop talking to women out of respect.

Trending via LinkedIn:

The only difference between hungry and horny is where you insert the cucumber.

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