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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇴 has viewed:

When you see a squirrel, you’re bound to say, “Awww, a squirrel!”

Someone from 🇲🇦 has copied:

A fun thing to do at work is call in sick and stay home.

Someone from 🇴🇲 has downloaded:

The world is my oyster and I’m allergic to shellfish.

Someone from 🇮🇩 has viewed:

I predict the next world war will be artificial intelligence versus genuine stupidity.

Someone from 🇦🇫 has bookmarked:

I’m instantly 70% nicer after 3 p.m. on Fridays.

Someone from 🇵🇼 has bookmarked:

Controlling your anger at work is a job in itself.

Someone from 🇯🇵 has shared:

The best part of getting older? I can wake up on my day off, without an alarm, at the same time my alarm would go off.

Someone from 🇴🇲 has shared:

Therapy isn’t enough. I need to run my brain through the dishwasher.

Someone from 🇨🇫 has copied:

Gimme fuel, gimme fire, gimme casual attire.

Someone from 🇦🇲 has viewed:

No matter how old you are, an empty Christmas wrapping tube is still a fun thing to bonk someone over the head with.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

218 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,487

Funny Quotes Topics

17,559

Funny Quotes Images

15,487

Jan 5, 2026

3,427

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Twitch:

Who needs dystopian fiction when you can watch the news?

Live now on Instagram:

Congrats to my tween for graduating at the top of his class from eye roll university.

Seen just now on Instagram:

I’m clumsy but there are upsides. For example, if I finish my chips and I’m sad there’s no more chips, I look in my lap and I always find chips.

Just shared via WhatsApp:

Can’t believe my neighbor rang my doorbell at 3 a.m. last night… Luckily, I was still up playing the drums.

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

The best thing about the internet is that you’re never the dumbest one here.

Making waves on Pinterest:

I like people who make eye contact like they know something I don’t.

Trending via Slack:

The one thing I’ve never had in my car’s glove box is a pair of gloves.

Trending via WhatsApp:

The only thing faster than an escalator is an escasooner.

Just shared via Reddit:

If a stranger starts talking to me in an elevator I say “I don’t want to talk in case we get stuck and I have to eat you” that usually shuts them up.

Just shared via Snapchat:

Getting older is realizing how great doing nothing is.

The feminine urge to act clueless while knowing everything.

2 months ago

0

The feminine urge to act clueless while knowing everything.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Ah, the delicate dance of feigning innocence while secretly holding all the answers 🤫💁‍♀️ It's the ultimate power move of pretending to be clueless when you're actually the mastermind behind the scenes! Who said women can't multitask? 😉"

act, act clueless, clueless, everything, feminine, feminine urge, gender, gender roles, humor, irony, knowing, knowing everything, roles, self-awareness, urge, wit

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Your honor, my client wasn’t trying to stab the victim. He was checking to see if he was cake.

0

2 months ago

cake, checking, client, court, defense, honor, humor, misunderstanding, stab, trial, trying, victim
My ex was like “I know a spot,” then took me to the lowest point in my life.

0

5 months ago

disappointment, ex, humor, i, know, life, lowest, lowest point, me, point, relationship, sarcasm, spot
No one told me adulting would involve trying to avoid so many scams.

0

2 months ago

adulting, avoid, challenges, humor, irony, lessons, life, life lessons, me, responsibility, scams, told, trying, unexpected, unexpected challenges
Please have a seat and witness my self-destruction firsthand.

0

3 months ago

disaster, dramatic, humor, meltdown, personal, personal struggle, please, sarcasm, seat, self-destruction, struggle, witness
The secret to being able to buy whatever you want is not wanting much.

0

2 months ago

able, being, buy, happiness, irony, much, not wanting, secret, simplicity, want, wanting, whatever
I’m proud to announce that am winning my fight against sobriety.

0

2 months ago

alcohol, am, announcement, fight, humor, irony, proud, sobriety, struggle, winning

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

36 shares on X this month:

Girls won’t admit it, but they don’t like super fine dudes; they like medium ugly, funny dudes that dress nice.

30 shares on X this month:

Duolingo does everything except actually teach you the language.

79 shares on Instagram this month:

How inappropriate is it to ask a stranger to scratch your back? Need to know ten minutes ago.

79 shares on Twitch this month:

Fun fact: a person’s music taste can actually tell their intelligence level.

90 shares on Snapchat this month:

Relationships are actually easy when you’re not dating a lying weirdo.

60 shares on Telegram this month:

Therapy is life letting you speak to the manager.

83 shares on Snapchat this month:

Bears and worms have almost nothing in common. But gummy bears and gummy worms? Very similar.

89 shares on Slack this month:

My love life feels like when you finally spot an open space in a full parking lot — and then boom, it’s a motorcycle.

57 shares on Twitch this month:

Perhaps an evening in the meditation cage will soothe you.

82 shares on YouTube this month:

Luckily, I realized that all this love I want to pour into someone else was actually meant for me.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

7 folks are currently checking 👀

The older you get, the farther away your toenails are when they need a trim.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

Vacation is a time when every part of you can relax except your bowels.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

The tarot lady on my TikTok said that you miss me.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

Flirting is easy until it’s someone you actually like.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

Fasted for 72 hours and gained the ability to whisper to bats.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

I once hated my job so much that I would come home from work and watch vlogs of people quitting their jobs, wishing it was me.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

I slept like a baby, knowing I’m a burden to everyone around me.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

I need someone to convince me into or out of buying a jetski. I can’t keep living in this purgatory.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

“I’m currently not accepting new items on my to-do list.”

15 folks are currently checking 👀

Sex is great, but have you ever started slowly picking up speed after sitting in a traffic jam?

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

218 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,487

Funny Quotes Topics

17,559

Funny Quotes Images

15,487

Updated

Jan 5, 2026

Users Online

3,614

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇳 has downloaded:

Thinking about stepping down from being an adult, I’m just not in the right headspace for this position right now. I really appreciate the opportunity though.

Someone from 🇳🇷 has shared:

“Can you multitask?” Yes, actually I am losing my mind and chilling at the same time.

Someone from 🇮🇸 has viewed:

Children are so giving. For example, my kids gave me a cold.

Someone from 🇲🇬 has downloaded:

The only appointment I’m ever on time for is disappointment.

Someone from 🇦🇸 has copied:

My biggest sexual fantasy is someone throwing a million dollars on my naked body and then leaving me alone.

Someone from 🇩🇯 has viewed:

If I’ve offended you with my posts, I humbly apologize, I honestly did not think you could read.

Someone from 🇹🇭 has copied:

Kinda messed up that the government knows my birthday but never sends me a gift or anything.

Someone from 🇯🇵 has copied:

Commenting “AI slop” on a high school acquaintance’s Instagram post of their newborn baby.

Someone from 🇹🇯 has shared:

I never finish what I start. I have a black belt in partial arts.

Someone from 🇺🇿 has downloaded:

I did the math and a second job would help me get out of debt as long as I start it twelve years ago.

Social Media Log 💫

Broadcasted on LinkedIn:

Just know that somebody out there is thinking of you, and you should really lock your doors.

Spotted on Threads:

I started calling the new guy at work “Grok” because he thinks he knows everything.

Shared recently on Twitch:

Ouija boards are like unannounced phone calls for ghosts.

Just landed via Twitch:

“You should exercise for at least 30 minutes every day”. Okay, and how much if you’re not trying to go to the Olympics?

Just shared via Instagram:

I hate it when I’m outside, and an insect lands and crawls on my glasses, and for a split second, I think aliens have invaded.

Going viral on Messenger:

My grandfather tried to warn them about the Titanic. He screamed and shouted about the iceberg and how the ship was going to sink, but all they did was throw him out of the theater.

Going bananas on YouTube:

Home is where the clothes rack stands in the way.

Just landed via LinkedIn:

My parents didn’t raise me to order something expensive when someone else is paying.

Breaking via WeChat:

The most expensive clothing you’ll ever wear is a hospital gown.

Breaking via LinkedIn:

Probably the worst thing about the death of print media is the devastating effect it’s having on the producers of traditional ransom notes.

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