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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇩🇴 has shared:

Steve Jobs was a vibe coder. He just prompted Steve Wozniak.

Someone from 🇫🇯 has shared:

Family fistfights brought to you by Monopoly.

Someone from 🇬🇲 has viewed:

I was not prepared for my knees to sound like someone is breaking spaghetti noodles in half every time I go up the stairs.

Someone from 🇫🇯 has downloaded:

If you ever ask a teen to do something and they just say “sure” without arguing, check that they haven’t been replaced with an android.

Someone from 🇵🇱 has downloaded:

One of the keys to happiness is a bad memory.

Someone from 🇹🇼 has viewed:

I’m at the age where drinking a cup of coffee now makes me feel like Popeye scarfing down a can of spinach.

Someone from 🇱🇧 has bookmarked:

Life is so exciting. I was in my bedroom and now I’m in the living room. Who knows where I’ll go next.

Someone from 🇳🇪 has shared:

A person that weights 200 pounds on Earth weighs 76 pounds on Mars. So I’m not overweight, I’m on the wrong planet.

Someone from 🇩🇪 has viewed:

“Work smarter, not harder.” Brother, I’m not doing either of those things.

Someone from 🇰🇼 has copied:

FaceTiming me is for platinum members only.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,400

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Instagram:

Eating cold ravioli counts as breakfast if you’re still wearing yesterday’s clothes.

Going viral on LinkedIn:

There is nothing worse in life than calling customer service and hearing an Indian accent.

Going bananas on Twitch:

My longest relationship has been with my Hotmail account.

Seen just now on WeChat:

Now that the nights are getting cooler again, spiders often hide in your bed in search of warmth. Sleep well!

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

Sorry for being so cringey and awkward. It will definitely happen again.

Going viral on YouTube:

Alexa, play everyone that played me.

Spotted on Twitch:

Adding “but that’s just me” after giving the absolute worst advice to a coworker.

Breaking via X:

Being sexy is just the cherry on top. I’m actually a genius and the sweetest girl ever.

Live now on Threads:

I can actually be quite charming if you would let me out of the guillotine.

Going bananas on Telegram:

Life is like a helicopter. I don’t know how to operate a helicopter.

The sun is so successful because it has the perfect bedtime and morning routines.

0
The sun is so successful because it has the perfect bedtime and morning routines.
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Commentary:
Oh, the sun, the ultimate role model for glowing skincare routines and early risers! 🌞✨ Who knew that a giant ball of fire in the sky had such discipline? 💁‍♂️ Maybe we should all take notes from the sun and rise and shine with the same dedication… or we could just enjoy hitting the snooze button a few more times! 😂🌅 #MorningGlowUpGoals

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

64 shares on YouTube this month:

Delete a letter of his name from your contacts every time he makes you upset. When his name’s gone, he’s gone. Hangman that boy.

77 shares on Pinterest this month:

Don’t forget to have an orgasm today. Partner is optional. Pleasure is not.

31 shares on X this month:

Adulthood is just always being tired and wondering how you hurt your back.

50 shares on YouTube this month:

I need a room full of mirrors because I want to be surrounded by winners.

78 shares on LinkedIn this month:

“Out of sight, out of mind” doesn’t work for donuts.

45 shares on YouTube this month:

God’s plan for me does not involve LinkedIn at all.

71 shares on Twitch this month:

Dear everyone. Upset, bored, angry or hungry. I’m here for you. Sincerely, fridge.

43 shares on Reddit this month:

No one flirts better than a guy who’s not interested in you.

96 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I think God was high when he made me.

35 shares on Pinterest this month:

My psych professor asked if we’d heard of Pavlov. I said, “It rings a bell.” No one laughed; I’m too witty for this class.

Trending Topics 📁

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Hot Jokes 💥

20 folks are currently checking 👀

When you have finished reading this funny quote, you will be a little closer to death than before.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

I think we just need to accept that the 90’s was our peak as a species.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

The bank just called and gave me the biggest compliment, said my balance is outstanding. I really needed that today.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

I like listening to true crime podcasts while I clean my bathroom because I can pretend I’m destroying evidence.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

When I watch hockey, I pretend they’re fighting over the last Oreo.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

Seeing an animal sigh is so funny to me. Like, what happened, buddy?

5 folks are currently checking 👀

Stop telling everyone I’m posting from earth. People don’t need to know where I live.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

I would prefer not to.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

The worst person you know is studying psychology.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

Some people shop for designer heels. I shop for nonstop flight deals.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,438

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇳 has shared:

Me passing someone: you slow mule! Me being passed: okay, speed racer!

Someone from 🇾🇪 has viewed:

Always be kind. You never know who has a pool.

Someone from 🇱🇻 has shared:

Flour company: What if we sell it in a paper bag that’s not fully sealed at the bottom?

Someone from 🇫🇲 has viewed:

A wise man once said, “Bees don’t waste their time explaining to flies that honey is better than shit.”

Someone from 🇪🇹 has bookmarked:

Is ChatGPT my father-in-law because it keeps making stuff up and passing it off as fact?

Someone from 🇭🇷 has shared:

Wow, this was a really long day of playing on my phone.

Someone from 🇨🇩 has shared:

Toddlers will take your last nerve, deep fry it and eat it for breakfast.

Someone from 🇷🇴 has copied:

I find it hard to believe I used to just answer my phone when it rang. No caller ID. No idea who was calling. Just picked it up and said “hello” like a goddam daredevil.

Someone from 🇹🇿 has downloaded:

Bold of you to assume I have the energy to even climb a hill to die on.

Someone from 🇺🇾 has copied:

Nice tots you got there. Be a shame if someone tatered em.

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Instagram:

Remember you are dust and, after you send this email, to dust you shall return.

Freshly posted on Reddit:

I get it, orcas. Sometimes you just need to ruin a yacht to feel something.

Freshly posted on Telegram:

The worst part about being in your 40s is the 10 years of listening to people say, “Wait till you’re 50.”

Shared recently on Pinterest:

One of the top features of squirrels, for me, has got to be that squirreliness.

Trending via Threads:

Haggis – the meal you have to stomach twice.

Shared recently on X:

Meetings are great because who doesn’t like being held hostage?

Just shared via WhatsApp:

The problem with rich people is that I am not one.

Just shared via X:

I don’t need a recipe for disaster. I usually just eyeball it.

Just shared via Instagram:

You should be able to call in sad to work.

Making waves on Messenger:

It’s amazing, when it’s your birthday you really feel the love from family, friends, lovers, former dentists, yoga studios and various smootheries.

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