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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇩🇴 has downloaded:

I wish I could put an AirTag on my sanity.

Someone from 🇮🇸 has bookmarked:

Please solve a murder to prove you’re not a bot.

Someone from 🇳🇦 has downloaded:

What doesn’t kill you will text you in 5 months to ask “What are you doing?”

Someone from 🇲🇿 has viewed:

Due to rising prices, Dollar Tree is changing their name to ‘Tree Fiddy’.

Someone from 🇲🇰 has shared:

Desperately seeking my soul, mate.

Someone from 🇲🇦 has viewed:

The most avoided species of shark is the Loan.

Someone from 🇸🇰 has copied:

At the gym and I forgot my headphones and now I have to listen to my own thoughts. Send help.

Someone from 🇮🇳 has shared:

You guys know your secrets are safe with me. It’s the people I share them with you can’t trust.

Someone from 🇦🇬 has downloaded:

Yes, my date did get up and leave during dinner, but luckily she hadn’t finished her food.

Someone from 🇲🇲 has bookmarked:

Best threesome: me, my bed and my pillow.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

766 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,928

Funny Quotes Topics

13,900

Funny Quotes Images

10,928

17 minutes ago

3,437

Social Media Log 💫

Live now on Facebook:

To everyone I’ve wronged this year. Next year same time, same place.

Making waves on X:

My friend thinks he’s smart. He said onions are the only food that makes him cry. So I threw a coconut at his face.

Freshly posted on Twitch:

I’m not into casual sex. Send me a résumé.

Breaking via Messenger:

If you’re out shopping today, be nice to retail workers. It’s not their fault you waited until Marys waters broke before you started your shopping.

Making waves on Snapchat:

Day number 3 without coffee: Lost hearing in my left eye.

Spreading quickly via Instagram:

Sometimes somebody will share something from way back in my timeline, and I’ll think, “Oh God, what all did they see to get there?”

Going viral on Telegram:

Don’t forget, you are someone’s weird colleague.

Live now on Facebook:

I’m sorry I don’t take orders. I barely take suggestions.

Just shared via Slack:

I wasn’t feeling well so I googled my symptoms. I either have allergies or I died two days ago.

Trending via Instagram:

I’m not saying it’s been a while, I’m just saying I completely blanked on the name of my gym.

There should be a socially acceptable way to say, “I’m not sure what to say to that. Can you please say something different?”.

6 months ago

There should be a socially acceptable way to say, “I’m not sure what to say to that. Can you please say something different?”.

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Commentary:
When you need a polite escape route from awkward conversations but don't want to resort to running away like a startled deer in the woods 🦌😅 Or you could always go with the classic "Wow, that's so crazy, let's talk about literally anything else!" 🤷‍♂️💬

acceptance, awkwardness, communication, conversation, different, humor, response, say, should, social, social acceptance, something, sure, uncertainty

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

New Funny Quotes

Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

766 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,928

Funny Quotes Topics

13,900

Funny Quotes Images

10,928

17 minutes ago

3,446

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇨 has shared:

It’s crazy that you don’t really argue with a baby for the first year of its life and then you have to argue with the baby every day.

Someone from 🇨🇱 has shared:

Please don’t interrupt me when I’m trying to overhear something.

Someone from 🇦🇩 has viewed:

My first rodeo and my last rodeo were the same rodeo.

Someone from 🇲🇨 has bookmarked:

I need to social distance with the refrigerator so I can flatten my curve.

Someone from 🇬🇳 has downloaded:

HR is giving me a hard time because I’ve been starting all my work emails with “Dearly Beloved”.

Someone from 🇱🇰 has viewed:

If you love someone, let them go. If they come back with snacks, it was always meant to be.

Someone from 🇪🇨 has viewed:

My whole life just flashed before my eyes and there was way too much pizza.

Someone from 🇨🇿 has shared:

Why do plane tickets have to be so expensive? You’re literally going that way anyway. Just give me a ride.

Someone from 🇲🇾 has downloaded:

I’ve heard that some people have kids who sleep through the night and I’d like to know if they use tranquilizers or chloroform.

Someone from 🇧🇬 has copied:

My wife almost fell down the stairs today and that got us into a heated argument whether my gasp was out of concern or excitement.

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on TikTok:

I’m gonna put “CEO of Blockbuster Video” on my resume because who are they gonna call to confirm?

Going viral on Slack:

The devil is keeping him alive to avoid spending eternity with him in hell.

Going viral on Snapchat:

Starting tomorrow whatever life throws at me, I’m ducking so it hits someone else.

Seen just now on WeChat:

At no single point in the Bible does it tell you not to sell drugs.

Just shared via TikTok:

Toddlers will take your last nerve, deep fry it and eat it for breakfast.

Spotted on WeChat:

Did you know that if you listen to any Black Sabbath album backwards, you can hear them singing backwards?

Seen just now on YouTube:

I’m having a bad day. Please send super-cute pics of your credit cards to cheer me up.

Seen just now on Instagram:

Imagine falling in love and then finding out that they put antlers on their car for the holidays.

Making waves on WhatsApp:

Those guys holding fish in their dating profile pictures are just demonstrating how they’ll carry you over the threshold after marriage.

Just shared via Instagram:

Tonight, my poor liver has to pay again for what went wrong during the week.

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