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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇷🇺 has viewed:

I hate it when what’s wrong asks me what’s wrong.

Someone from 🇯🇵 has shared:

Pursuing an academic career is like thinking the stripper loves you.

Someone from 🇨🇫 has copied:

If I were a bird, I know who I’d poop on.

Someone from 🇩🇴 has bookmarked:

We all have that person who insists on using a blanket on the couch, no matter the weather.

Someone from 🇧🇯 has copied:

“What’s wrong with you?” Right now or in general?

Someone from 🇳🇪 has bookmarked:

I hate when I turn off my brights for an incoming vehicle and then realize it’s a Cybertruck.

Someone from 🇧🇮 has shared:

Who’s up thinking about the crushing weight of existence?

Someone from 🇳🇵 has bookmarked:

Holiday dinners with family are like real life boss levels with the worst loot.

Someone from 🇪🇪 has shared:

Today’s toddlers can switch on laptops and use apps. When I was little, I ate sand.

Someone from 🇭🇺 has shared:

Starting a new show sucks. Who are these people?

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

676 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,636

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Snapchat:

The next time someone texts me “we need to talk,” I’ll reply, “Yes, we really need to talk,” so that I won’t be the only one stressing.

Breaking via Twitch:

Remember, when asking for a raise, it is considered customary to be sober.

Shared recently on Telegram:

Never make a promise you can’t keep rescheduling.

Broadcasted on Instagram:

All I’m saying is that at first I am shy and then I become a podcast.

Trending via WeChat:

I’m an adult, that’s why I can have Skittles for dinner.

Broadcasted on Snapchat:

In the morning: Tired! At lunchtime: Tired! In the evening: Tired! In bed: “Everybody dance now!”

Just shared via X:

Going to IKEA if anyone needs some meatballs.

Just landed via Threads:

Imagine if every time you stepped into an elevator, it played the “Mission Impossible” theme.

Seen just now on WhatsApp:

Sorry for acting weird, I am weird, and it will happen again.

Shared recently on Pinterest:

If you’re going to text your boss that you’re an hour late, make sure you end with, “I’m bringing you a ham and cheese croissant.”

Thinking you’re too smart to be manipulated is exactly how you get manipulated.

3 hours ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Brains: 100, Manipulation: 101 🤓🌀

exactly, humor, intelligence, manipulation, overconfidence, psychology, self-awareness, smart, thinking, too

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

The first people who called chocolate a vegetable are the real heroes.

0

2 months ago

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“I have a favourite hole”, me, at the pool table.

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2 months ago

billiards, favorite, favorite hole, favourite, game, hole, humor, i, me, playful, playful remark, pool, pool table, remark, sport, table
If my toddler doesn’t sleep again tonight, I’m running away into the forest.

0

2 months ago

again, away, exhaustion, forest, humor, insomnia, night, parenting, running, running away, sleep, tiredness, toddler, tonight
I want a president who promises no jobs. I don’t want to have a job.

0

2 months ago

humor, i, job, jobs, politics, president, promise, satire, want, work
One week of daily crunches and I have abs…urdly underestimated how long it will take to see results.

0

2 months ago

abs, crun, daily, exercise, fitness, humor, i, patience, results, take, underestimate, week
Imagine giving someone your heart at Christmas, but the very next day they give it away. Haha, would feel so stupid.

2

7 days ago

away, Christmas, day, disappointment, feel, gift, give, giving, heart, heartbreak, humor, imagine, next, relationship, someone, stupid

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

59 shares on LinkedIn this month:

My doctor told me to try a milk bath. Adding the Cinnamon Toast Crunch was my idea.

63 shares on WeChat this month:

People who can’t tell the difference between whole numbers and decimals are missing the point.

96 shares on YouTube this month:

The closest I have ever come to bungee jumping was when I was born.

71 shares on LinkedIn this month:

In a packed elevator, everyone is silent. Stomach: I will now demonstrate the mating call of a whale.

22 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Just shaved my whole body for Santa.

12 shares on X this month:

So sad. Elvis died before he could see the Lego movie. He woulda been like, ‘Mama, those blocks are movin’ and shakin.’

79 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I postpone certain outfits until I get a certain hairstyle because, yes, it’s that deep.

85 shares on Snapchat this month:

I can clean the whole house if I want to, but if someone asks me to do it, suddenly I’m lazy.

23 shares on TikTok this month:

My greatest aspiration is to one day solve a murder on a train.

33 shares on WeChat this month:

Just saw a bird run across the street if you were wondering if anyone else is wasting their gifts.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇷 has downloaded:

Starting your day with an early morning run is a great way to make sure your day can’t get any worse than it started.

Someone from 🇰🇮 has downloaded:

The worst part of coming out of a hyperfixation is sobering up and looking at all the merch you bought that you didn’t need.

Someone from 🇹🇻 has downloaded:

Apparently, throwing the remote against the wall didn’t help recharging the batteries.

Someone from 🇵🇬 has copied:

Opening this app is like lighting a cigarette.

Someone from 🇬🇷 has downloaded:

Before marriage, I would sit at a stoplight for hours because I had no one to tell me the light had changed to green.

Someone from 🇳🇱 has viewed:

Arguing through text will have you standing in one spot for 40 mins.

Someone from 🇸🇪 has downloaded:

Awesome that January is over, but rude that our reward for getting through it is February.

Someone from 🇪🇨 has viewed:

My mom asked me where I’m taking her to eat on Mother’s Day. I told her we have food at home.

Someone from 🇷🇼 has shared:

“Santa isn’t real!” Okay, I literally just saw him at the mall.

Someone from 🇿🇲 has downloaded:

That moment your alarm clock goes off in the morning and you don’t know whether to get dressed or fake an illness.

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Snapchat:

Don’t blame the holidays, you were already overweight in August.

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

A late person is never happier than when the person they’re meeting is later than them.

Going bananas on Instagram:

Break-up so bad, he blocked me on Pokémon Go.

Going viral on YouTube:

Yes, I sometimes put my cell phone down. Especially when it rings.

Spotted on WeChat:

Once you understand why pizza is made round, packed in square boxes, and eaten as a triangle, then you will understand women.

Spreading quickly via WeChat:

Cheer up! Your biggest mistake is probably still ahead of you.

Freshly posted on Slack:

They said I can never go back to that Vietnamese spot. They banh mi pho life.

Going viral on LinkedIn:

I have three kids. I should be terrified of sex.

Shared recently on Twitch:

Might start signing off emails with, “But what do I know.”

Trending via Instagram:

Shut up brain, I wasn’t even talking to me.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Thinking you’re too smart to be manipulated is exactly how you get manipulated.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

The first people who called chocolate a vegetable are the real heroes.

“I have a favourite hole”, me, at the pool table.

If my toddler doesn’t sleep again tonight, I’m running away into the forest.

I want a president who promises no jobs. I don’t want to have a job.

One week of daily crunches and I have abs…urdly underestimated how long it will take to see results.

Imagine giving someone your heart at Christmas, but the very next day they give it away. Haha, would feel so stupid.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨