TikTok? I still call it a watch.

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Had chicken and egg for dinner because I wanted to eat the whole family.

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The first step to recovery is addiction.

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You are the wind beneath my overly sensitive, motion-activated floodlight.

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Ripped a tag off my leggings and did not realize it was load-bearing.

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If your cat has ever accidentally fallen into the tub while you were taking bath, you’ve known chaos.

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Vegans will look you dead in the eye and tell you cauliflower tastes like ribs.

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Weekends are a scam. You spend one day exhausted and the other anxious… like, what was that?

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I once made the irresponsible decision to drink and drive and now I have to live the rest of my days with a coffee stain on my favorite sweater.

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My version of flirting is looking at someone I find attractive multiple times and hoping they’re braver than me.

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My love language is deader than Latin.