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Commentary:
"Who needs a crystal ball 🔮 when you've got such confident dating advice? Live in the moment and pucker up, folks! 💋 Carpe diem(or rather, carpe kiss'em)! 😘💫"

enjoy, fun, kiss, live, need, promise, spontaneity, today, tomorrow

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

If you don’t have at least one white friend named “Matt”, then you are Matt.

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2 months ago

circle, friend, humor, identity, joke, Matt, social, social circle, white, white friend
The heels stay on during sex because I only painted the toe nails that were showing.

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2 months ago

date, heels, humor, i, intimacy, nail, playful, relationship, sex, stay, toe, toe nail
If I’m ever in a coma, please pluck my chin hairs.

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2 months ago

chin, chin hair, coma, ever, funny request, hair, humor, please, pluck, request
Ah, summer. When my non-consensual relationship with mosquitoes begins.

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2 months ago

annoyance, bite, humor, insect, mosquito, relationship, season, summer
Some people are wise; some are otherwise.

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2 months ago

humor, insight, irony, otherwise, people, personality, wisdom, wise
Blink if you want me!

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2 months ago

attraction, blink, communication, date, flirty, humor, me, signal, want

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

42 shares on Pinterest this month:

The only recipes they have online are where I’m the one who’s supposed to buy all this stuff and then make it. That’s not what I’m looking for.

37 shares on Threads this month:

Sometimes I think I’m too old to make a career change. But then I remember how Walter White went from high school teacher to drug kingpin. Anything is possible!

79 shares on WhatsApp this month:

These weekends are starting to feel as long as a lunch break.

82 shares on TikTok this month:

Home is where you trust the toilet seat.

79 shares on Threads this month:

Play your cards right and we could be wearing matching fanny packs this summer.

27 shares on Telegram this month:

I wish I was a cat. No bills, no job, just meow, meow.

21 shares on Discord this month:

An adventure and a dragon would cure me.

36 shares on YouTube this month:

If your girlfriend doesn’t go a little psycho on you from time to time, then she’s not in love with you, sweetie.

67 shares on Threads this month:

The peace of not knowing.

85 shares on Telegram this month:

Don’t compare yourself with others. Everyone is better than you.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇶🇦 has copied:

If you want to be sure that you never forget your wife’s birthday, just try forgetting it once.

Someone from 🇵🇪 has viewed:

Dating apps are no place for meeting your soulmate. The best way to find your soulmate is to tweet really good.

Someone from 🇱🇧 has viewed:

I believe my ex-wife is days away from having a nuclear weapon.

Someone from 🇬🇲 has bookmarked:

“Stop bouncing your leg!” It’s either this or I start screaming.

Someone from 🇦🇺 has shared:

I will never fall victim to groupthink. I have perfectly unique opinions that no one else has, and they are the dumbest nonsense you’ve ever heard.

Someone from 🇩🇰 has viewed:

My mental health walks make my mental health worse because I live in a shithole.

Someone from 🇸🇰 has bookmarked:

Have you ever apologized to your car after you hit a pothole?

Someone from 🇻🇺 has copied:

Ugh, but profoundly.

Someone from 🇱🇰 has shared:

Noise cancelling headphones but for when the noises are coming from inside your head.

Someone from 🇧🇬 has bookmarked:

I think humans are meant to lay in bed with the love of their life all winter.

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Pinterest:

Anyone else think it’s weird how cancer kills more people than any other astrological sign.

Going viral on WhatsApp:

My dog sets an impossible bar for how I should greet my wife when she comes home.

Trending via Snapchat:

If you catch me smiling at you, chances are I am plotting my revenge.

Going bananas on Snapchat:

If you think one of my posts is about you, it isn’t. Except this one.

Going viral on Discord:

I miss when bills were none of my business.

Just shared via Slack:

If you inject Botox into a raisin, does it turn back into a grape?

Seen just now on Pinterest:

ChatGPT is there for me in ways I don’t think any man ever could be.

Making waves on LinkedIn:

Hey boy, are you the sun? Because you were a big part of my life this summer but now I feel like I never see you.

Making waves on TikTok:

It’s like 10,000 steps when all you need is a nap.

Live now on Telegram:

Good morning. May your day be as beautiful as I am.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Tomorrow isn’t promised, we need to kiss today.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

If you don’t have at least one white friend named “Matt”, then you are Matt.

The heels stay on during sex because I only painted the toe nails that were showing.

If I’m ever in a coma, please pluck my chin hairs.

Ah, summer. When my non-consensual relationship with mosquitoes begins.

Some people are wise; some are otherwise.

Blink if you want me!

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨