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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇴 has shared:

A baby cow is called a calf because it’s half a cow. Half cow. Calf. No further questions.

Someone from 🇮🇶 has downloaded:

Some Uber rides in NYC are the same price as a JetBlue flight to Miami.

Someone from 🇬🇾 has viewed:

Can’t argue with a guy that has curly hair. Whatever you say, gorgeous.

Someone from 🇬🇭 has downloaded:

I’ve come to the conclusion that my guardian angel is very possessive about me.

Someone from 🇬🇾 has viewed:

Kids should get the last name of whichever parent has more followers.

Someone from 🇨🇾 has copied:

I don’t hate anyone in particular, I just hate everyone in general.

Someone from 🇸🇾 has copied:

I hope this 17th text in a row with no response finds you well.

Someone from 🇧🇮 has bookmarked:

I’ve never used a semicolon with 100% confidence.

Someone from 🇵🇪 has copied:

Embattled politicians resign saying they want to spend more time with their families. Do their families get a say in this?

Someone from 🇱🇻 has downloaded:

Elevators frighten me. I take steps to avoid them.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

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Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Updated

Jan 19, 2026

Users Online

3,614

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via Slack:

I want my boyfriend to be so hot strangers know he’s not funny.

Going viral on YouTube:

Whoever created / mandated the auto start-stop feature on cars should be dragged into the town square to be tarred and feathered!

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

The goal is never Gucci bags. It’s acres of land.

Shared recently on TikTok:

I still can’t believe they named a company GoDaddy.

Freshly posted on Messenger:

The feminine urge to say “ouch” when I bump into things that doesn’t even hurt.

Making waves on LinkedIn:

I was very disappointed when I found out drinking alcohol doesn’t actually kill brain cells, I was hoping to join a political party one day.

Shared recently on WeChat:

I hope Instagram is still active during the apocalypse, so the zombies can post pics of whose brains they’re currently eating.

Spotted on WeChat:

We’re in the middle of a snowstorm with no cake in the house. I never expected to perish like this.

Trending via Slack:

Scrolling the feed as a mature person, not judging anybody.

Shared recently on WhatsApp:

Went jogging and came back after five minutes because I forgot something. Forgot I’m out of shape.

“Treat yourself. You deserve it,” she says while adding the shoes to her cart.

2 months ago

Funny Quotes

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Commentary:
"Shopping carts may be the only real place where 'treat yourself' becomes a full-contact sport! 🛒👠😂"

cart, deserve, humor, indulgence, retail, retail therapy, self-care, sh, shopping, therapy, treat, yourself

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Social Media Stars ⭐

59 shares on Reddit this month:

I just need a little time to warm up to you, and then I’ll be super fun, I promise—1-2 years at most.

53 shares on X this month:

Current relationship status: sleeping diagonally across the bed.

81 shares on Threads this month:

Yes, I upload photos with filters because I want to look good. If you want to see the ugly side of me, come to my house.

29 shares on Slack this month:

There’s no-one who can get more drunk on power than the admin of a village Facebook group.

92 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Welcome to your 50s, your knees will now decide when you will sit down.

100 shares on Reddit this month:

Think that’s enough todaying for today.

82 shares on TikTok this month:

All I’m saying is that I’m closer to being a millionaire than Jeff Bezos is.

48 shares on WeChat this month:

Goodbye, August, don’t let the door hit you on the way out.

88 shares on Twitch this month:

Farmers markets should be for vegetables — not for millennials unloading their failed Etsy-store arts and crafts.

36 shares on Snapchat this month:

A weekend spent doing nothing is a weekend well spent.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇯🇴 has viewed:

Welcome to your 50’s; you can have a really good laugh at everyone moaning about their aches and pains in their 30’s.

Someone from 🇱🇮 has viewed:

My New Year’s resolution is to procrastinate. I’Il start tomorrow.

Someone from 🇮🇳 has viewed:

“You’re overthinking this!” Bro, I have anxiety. I have no other type of thinking available.

Someone from 🇲🇳 has viewed:

Who really needs jetpacks, I want to be able to start over from my last save point.

Someone from 🇳🇵 has shared:

Years of personal growth can be unraveled in 2 days at your parents’ house.

Someone from 🇳🇴 has copied:

“It’s all in your head!” Correct! Unfortunately, I am also in there.

Someone from 🇿🇲 has copied:

If my dog knew how many photos I have of him sleeping, he’d file a restraining order against me.

Someone from 🇹🇯 has shared:

Getting an extra 20 minutes in the day when someone cancels a meeting is like finding a penny on the ground. Not gonna use it for anything, but wow, am I excited.

Someone from 🇹🇯 has bookmarked:

Not much is worse than that feeling of going back to work after a lunch, or a vacation, or just going to work in general.

Someone from 🇭🇳 has shared:

The fewer friends at your birthday party means more cake for you. Follow me for more life hacks.

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Threads:

Spoiler alert: Monday doesn’t care about your feelings.

Spotted on Messenger:

I am convinced that size matters, especially when it comes to the heart.

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

People who own banana costumes will wear that shit to anything.

Just landed via WeChat:

I’ve left my past behind me, so if I owe you money, sorry, I’ve left it behind me.

Just shared via Telegram:

Should we all just give up and get really into drugs? Wait, this is literally what happened in the 60s. That just clicked for me.

Trending via Threads:

Love how Batman: The Animated Series seems to take place in the 40s and the 50s and the 70s and the 90s all at once.

Trending via Threads:

Sorry, I booped your nose, but I was really hoping it was a mute button.

Just shared via Twitch:

Someday I’ll learn how to emotion like a proper human.

Making waves on Twitch:

Are you gonna meow for me or what, bro?

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Activity Log ✨

“Treat yourself. You deserve it,” she says while adding the shoes to her cart.

Not to brag, but my date returned after using the restroom.

Growing your own tomatoes really is the best way to devote 3 months of your life to saving $2.17.

If you’re going to walk in my shoes, please also wear my FitBit.

Someone at work had a 25-year anniversary, and it took everything in me not to say she’s been working longer than I’ve been alive.

I had too much to think last night.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

“Treat yourself. You deserve it,” she says while adding the shoes to her cart.

Keep the laugh going 😂

Not to brag, but my date returned after using the restroom.

Growing your own tomatoes really is the best way to devote 3 months of your life to saving $2.17.

If you’re going to walk in my shoes, please also wear my FitBit.

Someone at work had a 25-year anniversary, and it took everything in me not to say she’s been working longer than I’ve been alive.

I had too much to think last night.

Uber drivers have secret access to a streaming service of exclusively the worst music you’ve ever heard.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

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