Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇭🇹 has downloaded:

Big city friend is complaining about a 10 minute wait for a subway while I sit here waiting for the rail replacement horse.

Someone from 🇬🇹 has bookmarked:

Sorry, can’t. The pears I bought a couple days ago have ripened.

Someone from 🇨🇿 has shared:

You can’t argue with me because I’ll just agree with you until you leave.

Someone from 🇹🇲 has downloaded:

“The engine light is on!” Yeah, that means it’s working.

Someone from 🇰🇭 has downloaded:

I always thought that aunts had a lot of money. Until I became one myself.

Someone from 🇩🇪 has copied:

Of course I have critical thinking skills, I’m thinking critically of you right now.

Someone from 🇿🇦 has viewed:

I don’t do “casual.” I’m like an 18th-century vampire. When I fall in love, my devotion is boundless and eternal.

Someone from 🇳🇬 has bookmarked:

You ever got inside jokes with yourself, or is that schizophrenia?

Someone from 🇿🇼 has downloaded:

Friday the 13th doesn’t even feel creepy cause bad things happen everyday now.

Someone from 🇫🇮 has bookmarked:

First date idea: unlock and switch phones with the other person for exactly two minutes and if no one is horrified then the date continues.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

531 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,124

Funny Quotes Topics

17,272

Funny Quotes Images

15,124

Updated

Dec 27, 2025

Users Online

3,945

Social Media Log 💫

Live now on Threads:

It’s important to fuel your body with essential nutrients, which can be found in cookies, chips, and candy.

Going viral on Facebook:

I always tell my kids that it’s okay to make mistakes just as long as you learn how to blame them on other people.

Seen just now on Facebook:

I just wish I had the confidence of my husband who thinks everything only takes 5 minutes.

Just shared via X:

Nobody gives me butterflies anymore. Y’all just give me brain damage.

Seen just now on Instagram:

I love befriending yappers. They bring the yapping out of me. Then we yap together. Yapping is so much fun.

Breaking via WhatsApp:

Please don’t match my crazy. One of us has to be rational here, and it’s definitely not going to be me.

Making waves on Facebook:

Took a good look at my finances. I won’t make that mistake again.

Seen just now on YouTube:

I don’t have bad handwriting, I’m just using my own font.

Just shared via YouTube:

Painted a big H in my garden to see if I can trap a helicopter. Wish me luck!

Just shared via Snapchat:

The way time stretches between the moment you put your hands under the air dryer and the realization it is in fact a paper towel dispenser.

“Treat yourself. You deserve it,” she says while adding the shoes to her cart.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Shopping carts may be the only real place where 'treat yourself' becomes a full-contact sport! 🛒👠😂"

cart, deserve, humor, indulgence, retail, retail therapy, self-care, sh, shopping, therapy, treat, yourself

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

As someone who was born in August, I find the word leotard extremely offensive.

0

2 months ago

August, birthday, born, humor, i, leotard, offensive, someone, word
Gosh, being a princess is exhausting.

0

2 months ago

being, exhausting, expectations, fairy, fairy tale, humor, lifestyle, princess, royalty, tale
That uncle who kept his distance from the rest of the family will start making more sense to you as you get older.

0

2 months ago

aging, distance, family, humor, making, older, perspective, relationship, rest, sense, start, uncle, wisdom
I did the math and a second job would help me get out of debt as long as I start it twelve years ago.

0

2 months ago

debt, financial, financial humor, help, humor, i, job, math, me, planning, procrastination, responsibility, second, start, time, timing, work
The cool thing about Twitter is you’re never the craziest one.

0

2 months ago

cool, crazy, humor, media, never, online, personality, social, social media, thing, Twitter, uniqueness
They should invent someone who holds me.

0

2 months ago

companionship, hold, humor, invent, invention, loneliness, me, should, someone

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎁🎅🎄 Christmas Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

29 shares on Pinterest this month:

The feminine urge to say “ouch” when I bump into things that doesn’t even hurt.

62 shares on Reddit this month:

My boss told me “It’s not rocket science.” Yeah, almost everything that exists is not rocket science.

68 shares on Twitch this month:

Thank you two-step authentication codes that expire after 60 seconds for providing Mission Impossible-type drama into my mundane suburban existence.

61 shares on Pinterest this month:

Having seductive eyes is not for the weak. I feel like Medusa.

25 shares on Threads this month:

Deleting dating apps to meet someone the old-fashioned way (in the HR department).

70 shares on TikTok this month:

Pluck a single eyebrow hair in 1994, and it never grows back. Pluck a single chin hair today, and it’s back with five friends by 6 p.m.

94 shares on Snapchat this month:

Decorated the house across the street so I can look out the window and enjoy my handiwork.

35 shares on Snapchat this month:

Sorry, can’t. The pears I bought a couple days ago have ripened.

34 shares on WeChat this month:

School reunion is a scam… nobody is missing anyone, they just want to know whether you have made it in life or not.

34 shares on X this month:

I have 206 bones, 650 muscles and 50 billion cells in my body. It takes time to wake up all of them up in the morning.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇲 has shared:

Gordon Ramsay is making us dinner. It’s a four curse meal.

Someone from 🇱🇾 has shared:

Let me help you turn that software into hardware.

Someone from 🇧🇧 has copied:

Sorry for bouncing my leg. I’m not allowed to bash my head into the walls anymore.

Someone from 🇵🇱 has shared:

I wish that reading books in the park were my job, and I got paid six figures for it.

Someone from 🇰🇲 has shared:

Not really interested in anything that isn’t everything.

Someone from 🇰🇪 has viewed:

My four moods: I’m too old for doing that. I’m too tired for doing that. I’m too sober for doing that. I don’t have time for doing that.

Someone from 🇧🇩 has bookmarked:

Anybody else not stopped farting this evening? Asking for a friend.

Someone from 🇹🇴 has copied:

I love my bed so much, what a place.

Someone from 🇲🇨 has bookmarked:

I don’t expect everything handed to me, just set it down outside my door.

Someone from 🇱🇻 has shared:

I miss when men had big hair, louder feelings, and leaned over cars to declare their love.

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Messenger:

At the age where a big break could mean either my career or a hip.

Freshly posted on X:

Called in telepathically this morning, so they know I’m thinking of them.

Going viral on YouTube:

If I’m ever murdered, I don’t want two women with a podcast solving the case in their spare time.

Freshly posted on Instagram:

Fruit and vegetables expire faster when you’re the one paying for them.

Making waves on YouTube:

Geometry is a scam. What do you mean “prove it’s a triangle”? Just look at it.

Spotted on LinkedIn:

Going through life with a signature I invented as a teenager.

Going viral on Telegram:

Skinning your knee as an adult is so humiliating. That’s the toddler injury.

Seen just now on Threads:

Got fired on my first day working at the drugstore for calling my new coworkers ‘my pharmily’.

Making waves on Reddit:

Can’t say “I’m tired” without my mom making it a competition of who is the most tired and who has more reason to be.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

“Treat yourself. You deserve it,” she says while adding the shoes to her cart.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

As someone who was born in August, I find the word leotard extremely offensive.

Gosh, being a princess is exhausting.

That uncle who kept his distance from the rest of the family will start making more sense to you as you get older.

I did the math and a second job would help me get out of debt as long as I start it twelve years ago.

The cool thing about Twitter is you’re never the craziest one.

They should invent someone who holds me.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨