Tried Adderall to help my productivity but now I’m just intensely aware of all the things I should be doing.

Someone from 🇦🇬 has downloaded:

I told all my neighbors that I have a twin, so that when I see them in public I don’t have to talk to them.

Someone from 🇿🇦 has shared:

Welcome to downtown where the crosswalk signals are merely suggestions and you hope the puddles are water.

Someone from 🇮🇩 has bookmarked:

You gotta ask people nowadays, are you single single, mad at your partner single, blocked single or single just in your head.

Someone from 🇫🇲 has bookmarked:

Flies are literally obsessed with flying into a room, then pretending they can’t get out. Grow up.

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I’m gonna get my vasectomy done at Home Depot like a real man.

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I’m glad it’s not snowing. I can’t imagine shoveling snow in this heat.

Someone from 🇮🇶 has viewed:

If I’m reading my Twitter feed correctly, Jennifer Aniston killed JFK.

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Dress for the demons you want, not the demons you have.

Someone from 🇵🇦 has viewed:

I’m sorry for setting the impossible standards that the rest of you try to live up to.

Someone from 🇹🇭 has bookmarked:

My boyfriend is mad at me because I keep replying with a fire extinguisher emoji to every girl that comments with a flame emoji on his pictures.