Trust my gut? The thing that makes weird gurgling noises immediately when a work meeting goes quiet.

82 shares on Messenger this month:

Imagine marrying an old man for money and you die first.

47 shares on Facebook this month:

You can’t truly refer to yourself as an adult until you catch yourself getting really angry when the grocery store changes their layout.

81 shares on Discord this month:

If you can’t wow them with wisdom, baffle them with bullshit.

46 shares on Facebook this month:

Getting married soon. Just need a spouse.

90 shares on Snapchat this month:

I can always tell what part of my cycle I’m in by how concerned my friends are over my Tweets.

58 shares on Telegram this month:

When people don’t drink coffee, it’s like, okay, but how do you solve the problem of being awake?

43 shares on Snapchat this month:

Would have started saving money in kindergarten if I knew my life was like this.

48 shares on Facebook this month:

I only go for nature walks with people I can outrun.

89 shares on Snapchat this month:

Being informed is the worst thing I’ve ever done for my mental health.

89 shares on LinkedIn this month:

If my fingers don’t motion like scissors snipping when I ask for a haircut at the salon, how will they know what I mean?