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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇶🇦 has downloaded:

You ever killed your own vibe by remembering?

Someone from 🇲🇼 has copied:

I have never in my life learned from another person’s mistakes, I would literally let a giant wooden horse into my house right this second.

Someone from 🇰🇭 has bookmarked:

My bathroom mirror after a long party weekend: “Girl, those vitamins can’t help you now.”

Someone from 🇸🇳 has viewed:

My goal for next month is small, simple, and clear: change my whole entire life.

Someone from 🇸🇲 has bookmarked:

More candlelight, less gaslight, babe.

Someone from 🇦🇲 has copied:

We often come across people in life who make us think: “Oh look, evolution takes a break too!”

Someone from 🇶🇦 has viewed:

Being bilingual means stuttering in both languages.

Someone from 🇲🇹 has bookmarked:

So stupid how New York is actually as cool as everyone says.

Someone from 🇸🇪 has bookmarked:

Serious replies to silly posts are now illegal. Go talk to your wife.

Someone from 🇦🇪 has shared:

I never give second chances, just 10 and then goodbye.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Feb 3, 2026

3,350

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Slack:

I’m either freezing, peeing, or starving.

Making waves on Threads:

I hate when I lose things at work, like pens, papers, sanity and dreams.

Shared recently on Twitch:

I love that cats slap the shit out of everything they can’t understand.

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

Don’t give up, we must remain silly.

Just shared via Slack:

Aside from cocaine, has anyone figured out what that little pocket on your jeans is for?

Making waves on Facebook:

I’d like to meet the person who decided that if you wanted to get married fast, it had to be done by Elvis.

Making waves on TikTok:

One sec, lemme just find the off switch for my brain.

Spotted on Slack:

Good morning only to those who duel at dawn, drink at dusk, and haunt their lovers in between.

Broadcasted on WeChat:

My family was too poor for a gene pool, so we soaked our genes in rye whiskey.

Just shared via Reddit:

“I’m doing better than my parents at my age. They had, like, no followers.”

Unlike smoking, vaping doesn’t reduce your sex drive. It just reduces the sex drive of the people who see you vaping.

3 weeks ago

Witty quote about vaping's effect on others' libido, humorous and playful in tone.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Oh, so vaping is like the ultimate cockblocker for onlookers, huh? 😂🚭 Nothing like a cloud of vapor to spice up the atmosphere, or kill the mood, depending on who you ask! 💨🚫 So, watch out vapers, you might inadvertently be saving yourself from unwanted advances! 😅 #VapeAndChill

attraction, behavior, drive, health, humor, just, people, perception, relationships, sex, sex drive, smoking, social, social behavior, vaping

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

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Social Media Stars ⭐

72 shares on LinkedIn this month:

So you mean to tell me a stress ball is not for throwing at people who stress you out?

71 shares on Twitch this month:

I worry a lot about the wild animals in my neighborhood, but I’m beginning to think they don’t worry about me.

28 shares on Discord this month:

Today marks a five year anniversary of how I’ll start going to the gym tomorrow.

72 shares on YouTube this month:

Is there really anything worse than being forced to watch a video on someone else’s phone and having to pretend to laugh for 2 minutes?

20 shares on Messenger this month:

I’ll let you guys know if the psych ward has wifi.

54 shares on LinkedIn this month:

When you’re a parent, your skincare routine is just the steam from the dishwasher when you open it to find the coffee cup you just needed.

11 shares on Twitch this month:

Phone dry, no food in the house, I keep dying in my game. I’m such a loser.

59 shares on Facebook this month:

It’s almost time to pack away the black summer clothes and unpack the black winter clothes.

74 shares on Threads this month:

Thank God my pets can’t talk. They simply know too much.

42 shares on Threads this month:

“Nobody wants to work anymore!” Personally, I have never wanted to work.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

11 folks are currently checking 👀

My husband pissed me off so I wrapped his remote and put it under the tree.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

“It’s not that deep!” Well, I have a shovel and I enjoy digging for meaning.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m so broke, I owe myself money.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

I feel like I should give my air conditioner a plaque for employee of the month.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

I think my leftovers are old enough to throw themselves away.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

Spending all my money on lottery tickets so I’ll either be rich or poor, none of this wishy-washy stuff in the middle.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

I would rather walk directly into the ocean than tell people a fun fact about myself.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

I told ChatGPT about us.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

No better feeling than getting home and realizing you forgot the one thing you went out for.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

Don’t blame a clown for acting like a clown. Ask yourself why you keep going to the circus.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,657

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇰🇳 has downloaded:

My lawyer dropped his briefcase and nunchuks fell out.

Someone from 🇨🇫 has bookmarked:

Isn’t it odd that “read” is pronounced like “lead”, while “read” is pronounced like “lead”?

Someone from 🇱🇺 has downloaded:

I would go out of my mind, but I can’t find the exit.

Someone from 🇦🇪 has downloaded:

“You’re just mad my gut microbiome is way more diverse and complex than yours.”

Someone from 🇧🇪 has viewed:

We’d all look younger if we just avoided young people.

Someone from 🇹🇻 has downloaded:

I can now tell the hour of the day by which part of my body needs a heating pad.

Someone from 🇲🇦 has shared:

I hate interviewing. Just hire me. I stand on business, for real.

Someone from 🇯🇴 has copied:

Being social sucks all my energy.

Someone from 🇱🇮 has bookmarked:

One of the most disappointing things is when you get a severe thunderstorm warning, and there is no severe thunderstorm.

Someone from 🇬🇶 has copied:

I’m cosplaying as a functional adult again.

Social Media Log 💫

Live now on Facebook:

How great is it to do absolutely nothing and follow it up by taking a rest.

Freshly posted on Messenger:

Humming & dancing while I plop my meds into my weekly pill counter like the happy little nutcase I am.

Just shared via Twitch:

If it walks like a duck and talks like a duck, you’re drunk. Ducks don’t talk.

Spreading quickly via Reddit:

I never give second chances, just 10 and then goodbye.

Shared recently on Instagram:

The only traditional costume people around me wear is sweatpants.

Spotted on Reddit:

People who wear jeans for fun around their house have bodies buried in their backyard.

Broadcasted on TikTok:

The ways printers are like kids: Need feeding, are noisy and can’t function when offline.

Going bananas on TikTok:

You ask a girl if she ate, and she gon say, “Yeah, I had my coffee.”

Spotted on Pinterest:

I love surprising my metabolism. It never knows what’s coming—either absolute starvation or 1,000+ calories all at once.

Spotted on WhatsApp:

If every day is a gift, today is socks.

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