26 funny smoking quotes - Wordgag

If you say something while exhaling smoke, it is 10 times more profound.

May 27, 2026

My guardian angel is taking the longest smoking break in recorded history.

May 26, 2026

Twitter is Iike the smoking area for social media.

May 24, 2026

They should have a section on the wing of the plane where people can go out for a cigarette.

May 24, 2026

Not trying to brag but this cop says my rear end is smoking.

May 23, 2026

Smoking will kill you. Bacon will kill you. Ironically, smoking bacon will cure it.

May 23, 2026

I got fired for telling customers if they wanted “smoking or non-smoking”. Apparently, the correct term in the funeral home business is “cremation or burial”.

May 22, 2026

Unlike smoking, vaping doesn’t reduce your sex drive. It just reduces the sex drive of the people who see you vaping.

May 22, 2026

Television is better for you than phone. It is like vaping vs smoking.

May 19, 2026

The only thing I don’t miss about the 90s is people smelling like cigarettes.

May 19, 2026

Asking for a cigarette, then adding it to my own pack.

May 19, 2026

Smoking weed and watching music videos as the hangout is a lost art.

May 18, 2026

I’ve been saying for years that cigs are better for you than vapes, and the vindication I feel now is just orgasmic.

May 18, 2026

Smoking weed in the forest, like the elves intended.

May 18, 2026

Smoking a cigarette and holding it with both hands.

May 18, 2026

Self-care is smoking a solo blunt with music.

Apr 1, 2026

If I was a fish, I’d be smoking all the seaweed.

Apr 1, 2026

Guy smoking weed daily: “I think smoking weed in moderation is fine.”

Apr 1, 2026

I caught two kids smoking pot outside my office. Fifteen minutes later, my boss caught me and two kids smoking pot outside my office.

Mar 31, 2026

Runners who smoke need to pick a side.

Mar 31, 2026

Why is smoking the only addiction jobs give you breaks to do? I should get 15 minutes every hour to cook up some parlays.

Mar 31, 2026

I’ll stop smoking weed when life stops smoking me.

Mar 31, 2026

Vaping always looked dumb. It looks like you’re smoking a kazoo, and now the lead poisoning is the cherry on top.

Mar 31, 2026

If Keith Richards survived the ’70s, the ’80s, and 1.2 million Marlboros, I can probably survive anything.

Mar 31, 2026

Vaping: When you feel like smoking but don’t want to look cool.

Mar 30, 2026

I am re-watching “Narcos,” and I have to say that for someone who smokes so much weed, Pablo Escobar gets a lot done.

Mar 30, 2026