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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇫 has viewed:

Nobody stresses a woman out more than a man who isn’t her man yet.

Someone from 🇲🇬 has viewed:

I just need to get over everything that has happened to me in my entire life and then we can hang out.

Someone from 🇦🇹 has shared:

Starting to think I’m single because of everyone else’s shortcomings.

Someone from 🇲🇲 has bookmarked:

I don’t want to sound controversial, but having Monday off is great. We should do this every week.

Someone from 🇬🇩 has bookmarked:

As a sales clerk, you want to shout after some people as they leave the store: “Are you sure you’ve really REALLY touched everything?”

Someone from 🇨🇱 has shared:

I don’t understand all the fuss about ChatGPT – I have teenagers who already know everything.

Someone from 🇭🇺 has shared:

Porn is free, so why are you in my DMs?

Someone from 🇹🇿 has bookmarked:

Sorry for the things I said when the internet was down for 10 minutes.

Someone from 🇵🇬 has downloaded:

I admire how, when babies don’t want to hold something anymore, they just drop it.

Someone from 🇲🇨 has downloaded:

Oxygen was discovered in 1773. How did our ancestors breathe before then?

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,492

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Snapchat:

The first time you forgive out of love. The second time out of hope and the third time out of stupidity.

Just shared via Twitch:

I never finish what I start. I have a black belt in partial arts.

Just landed via Slack:

Cheer up! Your biggest mistake is probably still ahead of you.

Shared recently on Slack:

If it’s a ghost ship, why does it have to be on water?

Shared recently on Instagram:

My soulmate probably seen my posts and deleted me.

Shared recently on YouTube:

Thinking of starting a religion around cheese.

Shared recently on X:

This coffee isn’t working. Think I need holy water.

Spotted on X:

I rode around the block on my bike for the first time in years and now I understand why Lance Armstrong took performance enhancing drugs.

Just shared via X:

When your parents are on a call and they ask for a pen, man, that pressure is real.

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

I commented to a friend that I didn’t know how goofy Scream was. It turns out I have never seen Scream. I saw Scary Movie.

We can’t use nicknames at work anymore, and I blame Teletubby.

5 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Looks like Tinky Winky, Dipsy, Laa-Laa, and Po just got laid off 😂👔 #CorporateNoFun

blame, i, nickname, rule, Teletubby, work

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Don’t forget to tell yourself more lies today.

0

2 months ago

daily, daily reminder, forget, humor, ly, motivation, positivity, reminder, self-talk, tell, today, yourself
Not the sharpest cheddar on the charcuterie board.

0

2 months ago

board, charcuterie, cheddar, cleverness, food, humor, intelligence, joke, wit
How to write complaints: “Dear customer service, first of all, you should know that I am typing this with my middle finger.”

0

2 months ago

am, complaints, customer, customer service, finger, frustration, humor, i, know, middle, middle finger, sarcasm, service, should, typing
If you’re looking for a quiet place to talk to yourself, my DMs are open.

0

2 months ago

conversation, DMs, humor, looking, open, place, quiet, quiet place, self-talk, talk, yourself
Big decision to make? Sleep on it. Have a nightmare. Then you’ll be operating on pure adrenaline and will choose more quickly.

0

2 months ago

adrenaline, big, choice, choose, decision, decision making, humor, nightmare, procrastination, quick, quick choice, sleep, stress
I only write when I am falling in love, or falling apart.

0

2 months ago

am, apart, falling, i, love, only

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

71 shares on Twitch this month:

This weekend was so busy, I hardly had time to sit around in my pajamas and doom scroll.

48 shares on YouTube this month:

Someone from Facebook Marketplace is coming over to either buy the chairs I have for sale, or to murder me.

48 shares on Twitch this month:

Girls are perverts when they like you.

84 shares on Threads this month:

Some people avoid bacon for the sake of religion. I avoid religion for the sake of bacon.

38 shares on Messenger this month:

You’ve agreed to go out with me, so that’s going to immediately count against you.

37 shares on Threads this month:

I’m cosplaying as a functional adult again.

78 shares on Instagram this month:

Before sleeping, most people will imagine stuff they want to happen. Like sleeping.

25 shares on Telegram this month:

Netflix has every movie except the one you want to watch.

51 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Unknown numbers will call me, then expect me to talk first. Welcome to the breathing competition.

19 shares on YouTube this month:

Most earthquakes could have been an email.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇱 has viewed:

Have a good weekend, unless you have other plans.

Someone from 🇨🇬 has copied:

Silk is a crazy material. “I like your shirt,” thanks. It came out of a bug.

Someone from 🇬🇭 has copied:

Not to brag but I don’t even need meditation, my mind goes blank the second someone asks me for directions.

Someone from 🇹🇩 has downloaded:

Unfortunately, I don’t think before I speak, so l am just a shocked as you are.

Someone from 🇳🇪 has copied:

The nerve of a majority of people I meet being younger than me. How dare them?

Someone from 🇵🇭 has bookmarked:

Cats clean themselves with their little fish breath mouths, but somehow they always smell like laundry detergent, vanilla, and happiness.

Someone from 🇮🇸 has downloaded:

UNO is based on luck unless I win, then it’s based on strategy, and I’m a genius.

Someone from 🇬🇳 has shared:

Is it okay for me to start drinking as soon as the kids are at school, or am I just a terrible teacher?

Someone from 🇸🇦 has viewed:

I just turned on my car’s seat warmer to keep my burrito warm in case you wondered what I was up to.

Someone from 🇰🇭 has downloaded:

Imagine if every time you stepped into an elevator, it played the “Mission Impossible” theme.

Social Media Log 💫

Going bananas on Pinterest:

Old people like to golf every day because they are so sick of everyone’s shit and just wanna repeatedly whack something.

Trending via Threads:

Life so stupid, I just want a burger and to be held.

Spreading quickly via X:

“Where did all your money go?” I’m either wearing it or eating it.

Just shared via LinkedIn:

I’ve calculated my December budget and realized I can only afford to pray.

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

I’m not stubborn, my way is just better than yours.

Trending via Threads:

I followed my heart, and it led me to the fridge.

Spotted on Discord:

Hot girls have a private Instagram account with 20 followers.

Live now on Slack:

This meeting could have been a cake.

Live now on Threads:

Cinderella had one night out, and it changed her life. I had one night out, and it changed my credit score.

Spotted on Slack:

Got possessed by a demon once, and everyone was like, “OMG, did you do something with your hair?”

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

We can’t use nicknames at work anymore, and I blame Teletubby.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

Don’t forget to tell yourself more lies today.

Not the sharpest cheddar on the charcuterie board.

How to write complaints: “Dear customer service, first of all, you should know that I am typing this with my middle finger.”

If you’re looking for a quiet place to talk to yourself, my DMs are open.

Big decision to make? Sleep on it. Have a nightmare. Then you’ll be operating on pure adrenaline and will choose more quickly.

I only write when I am falling in love, or falling apart.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨