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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇴 has copied:

Aliens probably have group chats called Don’t Stop on Earth.

Someone from 🇸🇹 has copied:

What can I buy my wife for Valentine’s Day that finally proves to her once and for all that I have absolutely no idea what she likes or who she is?

Someone from 🇿🇦 has viewed:

As parents we have to make sacrifices all the time. Today, I had to eat my kid’s ice cream because she couldn’t finish it.

Someone from 🇳🇮 has shared:

Exercise won’t cure your depression, but it can make you hotter than your enemies.

Someone from 🇲🇦 has shared:

After having a week off, my boss returns to work today. Please respect my privacy during this difficult time.

Someone from 🇹🇬 has bookmarked:

I don’t hate you, but I hope you run out of hot water before you’re finished your shower.

Someone from 🇯🇵 has copied:

Why is everyone against sugar? Who stood beside you when things went wrong and you were sad? It wasn’t lettuce, for sure.

Someone from 🇱🇰 has copied:

“Your boos mean nothing to me. I’ve seen what you cheer.” Is a goated doctrine. If Rick and Morty gave us anything, it gave us that.

Someone from 🇮🇷 has shared:

I now feel I’ve watched enough reruns of The Shawshank Redemption on basic cable that I’ll be able to successfully make it in prison.

Someone from 🇭🇷 has viewed:

You can tell a lot about a person by breaking into their home and going through their belongings.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Jan 31, 2026

Users Online

3,719

Social Media Log 💫

Breaking via LinkedIn:

Eating cookies left for Santa because the cowboy was a no show.

Going viral on Reddit:

Welcome to your 40s: you get tired from sleeping now.

Making waves on LinkedIn:

Don’t listen to them, little password. You are strong.

Trending via Facebook:

In my house the roles are reversed cause my kids tell me to turn my music down.

Just shared via YouTube:

Coworkers are funny. You could see a guy every day for 5 years then he quits and you never see or even think about him again.

Making waves on Slack:

If paying a cashier a living wage will make prices go up, why doesn’t replacing cashiers with self-checkouts make prices go down?

Seen just now on Slack:

Interviewer: “What did you learn from your previous job?” Me: “That I need a new job.”

Shared recently on Twitch:

My mama didn’t raise a quitter, she raised a burnt out perfectionist who is sometimes bludgeoned into settling for mediocrity.

Trending via Slack:

If you’re cheering for the stormtroopers, we cannot be friends.

Freshly posted on TikTok:

But if i put my laundry away, the laundry chair will be out of a job.

Welcome to adulthood: you’re not hungover, it’s just Tuesday.

Playful quote about adulthood humor, highlighting Tuesday as a common hangover excuse.
Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Welcome to the magical world of adulthood, where every day feels like Monday's hangover…except it's just Tuesday! 🥴☕️ #AdultingLikeAPro"

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Keep the laugh going 😂

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

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Social Media Stars ⭐

49 shares on X this month:

The nice thing about egotists is that they don’t talk about other people.

62 shares on Threads this month:

Randomly hearing your favorite song is more satisfying than putting it on yourself.

56 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Eating watermelon and minding my own business.

24 shares on X this month:

I need a job where I don’t actually have to work.

15 shares on Twitch this month:

I was always told to eat all my food so that I’d grow to be big and strong. When exactly does the strong part kick in?

39 shares on YouTube this month:

If you’re out shopping this week, be nice to the retail workers. It’s not their fault you waited to shop until Mary’s water broke.

68 shares on Pinterest this month:

“Some things are better left unsaid,” I think to myself immediately after I hit send.

14 shares on Twitch this month:

There should be a special rating system for movies that tells you how uncomfortable you’ll be if you watch them with your parents.

32 shares on Reddit this month:

Sometimes I watch people do their jobs, and I’m like, damn, you might benefit from a little imposter syndrome, actually.

65 shares on Telegram this month:

Imagine hating me, and I’m just over here eating Nutella from the jar with a spoon.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

24 folks are currently checking 👀

The most important meal of the day is the next one.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

What happened to the art of just liking one person?

12 folks are currently checking 👀

I am one step away from being rich, all I need now is money.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

They’re bluffing when they say you can still get knocked off the nice list this late in the game. Santa’s been delivering gifts in Japan for hours by now; that list is locked. Do whatever you want.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

Women aren’t complicated. Just give us attention and leave us alone.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

Coworker: Where are you going after work? Me: Away from you.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

Sex is like my hair. I didn’t have any yesterday. I didn’t have any today. And unless something drastically changes, I won’t have any tomorrow.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

People say that they want to be tall, but don’t realize how many times tall people are assaulted by spiderwebs.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

My mental health walks make my mental health worse because I live in a shithole.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

Oh, gross. I didn’t know there was protein in this powder. I was only drinking it for the lead.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Jan 31, 2026

Users Online

3,662

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇷 has copied:

I’m always in a rush to go home, and do absolutely nothing.

Someone from 🇳🇷 has shared:

We were never supposed to have this much access to stupid people’s thoughts, beliefs, and opinions.

Someone from 🇬🇾 has bookmarked:

Eating Chinese takeout is never as depressing as in the movies. It usually is good.

Someone from 🇪🇷 has shared:

The trick is to be born in the right place and at the right time. If you mess that up, it gets tedious.

Someone from 🇮🇳 has viewed:

Walking on egg shells? In this economy?

Someone from 🇧🇾 has shared:

Stupid cow blocking the road. HOW DAIRY!

Someone from 🇵🇰 has copied:

No crypto for me, thanks, at least not until I figure out how dollars work.

Someone from 🇰🇪 has shared:

I can usually cope with the opinions of others because I don’t listen.

Someone from 🇸🇳 has bookmarked:

My toxic trait is treating my glasses like they’re not the most expensive thing I wear everyday.

Someone from 🇸🇹 has copied:

Please don’t ask me what my hobbies are, I lost interest in life back in 6th grade.

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on TikTok:

Breakups are hard, but have you ever been disappointed in the food you ordered?

Going viral on Snapchat:

One of my biggest fears during a zombie apocalypse is having to sleep without a fan.

Just landed via LinkedIn:

That drum solo from In the Air Tonight, but it’s me just slapping my tummy, waiting for the microwave to beep.

Breaking via Pinterest:

I’m intermittent fasting, so I have to finish this cake really quick before 6 pm.

Seen just now on Twitch:

I grew up in a kinder, gentler age. We pitied our fools.

Going viral on Twitch:

Being single: When you don’t have to wait for someone to watch the next Netflix episode.

Seen just now on Slack:

We can’t all be underemployed creatives. Someone in the group chat needs to know what an insurance is.

Just landed via Facebook:

Life is not a fairy tale. If you lose your shoe at midnight, you’re drunk.

Spotted on Facebook:

Prime numbers are so cunty. Like okay, diva — only divisible by yourself?

Spreading quickly via Instagram:

If white men can’t jump, how do you explain Super Mario?

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