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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇻🇪 has downloaded:

My greatest aspiration is to one day solve a murder on a train.

Someone from 🇦🇬 has shared:

Welcome to your 50s, there’s a wrong way to stretch now.

Someone from 🇨🇬 has downloaded:

Remember when downloading a song in under 5 minutes was considered progress?

Someone from 🇧🇸 has downloaded:

What do you mean it’s Monday? We just had Monday. This can’t be right.

Someone from 🇹🇲 has bookmarked:

Getting to the age where I’m like, “Oh, hopefully I’ll be dead by then.”

Someone from 🇱🇧 has shared:

Don’t cry because it’s over. Cry because you have an extra hour to think about it.

Someone from 🇨🇷 has bookmarked:

Pet owners be like “this is my pet Snoopy, but their nicknames are Booboo and Thicky Boy!”

Someone from 🇱🇰 has copied:

You better be kissing the screen when I send pics.

Someone from 🇺🇿 has copied:

Processed food was literally designed for you to eat. Organic is just some crap they found on the ground somewhere.

Someone from 🇧🇿 has downloaded:

Mashed potatoes are just German guacamole.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

244 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,513

Funny Quotes Topics

17,581

Funny Quotes Images

15,513

Jan 7, 2026

3,584

Social Media Log 💫

Going bananas on LinkedIn:

The secret to being able to buy whatever you want is not wanting much.

Spreading quickly via YouTube:

Every time I use self-checkout, the person in front of me has never used self-checkout, touchscreens, or money before.

Live now on Discord:

The feminine urge to say “ouch” when I bump into things that doesn’t even hurt.

Shared recently on Instagram:

Behold the majestic elephant in its natural habitat, the room.

Just shared via WhatsApp:

Don’t check on your introverted friends this time of year. They’re probably turning their lights off and pretending they’re not home.

Just shared via WeChat:

Today in who needs an alarm: my kid woke me up early by scream-whispering WHAT IS DUST?

Spotted on Instagram:

I have tasted sending long paragraphs, and I have tasted saying OK. I highly recommend saying OK.

Shared recently on Pinterest:

“I asked ChatGPT,” “I asked Grok.” Well, I just made some shit up, and people believe me because I’m well read and use big words.

Just landed via Facebook:

My personal brand is being the guest at a wedding who can’t dance but puts in a noticeable effort.

Spotted on X:

“Dairy Queen” is actually the perfect drag name.

What if babies had two umbilical cords and if you cut the wrong one, it exploded?

2 months ago

0

What if babies had two umbilical cords and if you cut the wrong one, it exploded?

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Talk about explosive parenting! 💥👶 Just imagine the chaos in the delivery room… Cut the right cord, or boom goes the dynamite! 😂🤯 #BabyBoom"

absurdity, baby, cord, cords, cut, exploded, explosion, funny scenario, humor, imagination, scenario, umbilical, umbilical cord, wrong

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Don’t even get into my car if you’re just gonna scream every time I hit something.

0

2 months ago

car, driving, even, every, hit, humor, i, just, passenger, reaction, scream, something, time
I think every app should, by law, let you deactivate all of its short-form video content.

0

1 month ago

app, content, control, deactivate, every, i, law, let, media, short-form, short-form video, should, social, social media, think, user, user control, video, video content
When I was young I fixed my parents’ computer and now that I’m older I fix computers for my kids. Are we the only generation that knows how computers work?

0

2 months ago

computer, fix, generation, humor, i, kids, knows, older, only, parents, technology, work, young, youth
I’m a simple person. All I need in life to be happy is to have everything go my way and work out how I want it to.

0

2 months ago

everything, happiness, happy, i, life, need, person, simple, simple person, want, work
My favorite thing about summer is opening a window for 30 seconds so an insect that hasn’t been identified by science yet can fly into your home.

0

2 months ago

animal, home, insect, summer, window
Humanity doesn’t always make a compelling case for its continued existence.

0

6 months ago

always, case, existence, humanity, humor, irony, philosophy, skepticism, survival

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

83 shares on TikTok this month:

I just got lied to by 3K+ people. That recipe was awful.

75 shares on Messenger this month:

I like my music at a volume where I can’t hear you.

50 shares on WeChat this month:

Diet Coke so crisp I moaned.

64 shares on TikTok this month:

ChatGPT, what do you do when you find out your boyfriend’s been using ChatGPT to write you messages?

71 shares on YouTube this month:

My girlfriend treats me like a god. She ignores my existence and only talks to me when she needs something.

93 shares on Facebook this month:

Yesterday I went to a fight and a baseball game broke out.

91 shares on WeChat this month:

You can be under 25, just don’t do it around me.

58 shares on Slack this month:

I’m not good with plants or people, but I am good with books and buffets.

89 shares on Threads this month:

One day my kids will move out and discover the dishes don’t clean themselves and I feel for them. I really do.

69 shares on Instagram this month:

Life is just a sequence of missed opportunities.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

13 folks are currently checking 👀

When you report something to IT and then hear: “Oh! Interesting. We’ve never seen that before.” Is that good or bad?

19 folks are currently checking 👀

They get real weird at the gun store if you walk in crying and asking for “the biggest one”.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

Our parents are going to be shocked when they find out that most of us are serious about not getting married.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

If at first you don’t succeed then skydiving definitely isn’t for you.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

Imagine hating me while I’m just over here being lazy and minding my own business.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

Sure sex is cool, but have you ever farted away a stomachache?

8 folks are currently checking 👀

(Flirting) What’s every single thing you’ve ever thought?

13 folks are currently checking 👀

In a relationship with my bedroom fan.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

If the line at the grocery store takes longer than 10 minutes, the candy beside the checkout should be free.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

I love Queen and David Bowie, but why did they steal that riff from Vanilla Ice?

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

244 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,513

Funny Quotes Topics

17,581

Funny Quotes Images

15,513

Updated

Jan 7, 2026

Users Online

3,478

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇹 has copied:

Descibe your boobs only using a picture of them.

Someone from 🇱🇺 has bookmarked:

Can you imagine how hot I’d be if I ate right and took care of my body? I’m not gonna do it, but can you imagine?

Someone from 🇻🇳 has copied:

Sometimes you need to turn the music up louder and sort your shit out.

Someone from 🇹🇭 has shared:

“At your big age” is one of my favorite insults.

Someone from 🇳🇵 has shared:

Moose would have been a better name for a cow.

Someone from 🇵🇱 has bookmarked:

I have neither the patience nor the crayons to show you why this is a bad idea.

Someone from 🇦🇩 has viewed:

My favorite emails are the ones that say your order has shipped.

Someone from 🇳🇱 has copied:

If I’m ever murdered, feel comfort in knowing I ran my mouth until the bitter end.

Someone from 🇸🇾 has viewed:

There’s something fundamentally wrong with the way people interact with each other on LinkedIn.

Someone from 🇩🇪 has shared:

What’s a beginner question to ask for someone just getting into being nosy?

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via Discord:

I put the mess in domestic.

Shared recently on Messenger:

Not now darling, mummy’s influencing on the www.

Making waves on TikTok:

They won’t teach you this in school, but life is all about going to weird little diners.

Shared recently on Instagram:

You can have glossy lips or you can have a cat. You can’t have both.

Just shared via Threads:

The art of letting whoever think whatever.

Shared recently on Snapchat:

I see why history can repeat itself. People are really stupid.

Just shared via Telegram:

I was going to cause mischief tonight, but I climbed into my bed instead.

Live now on WeChat:

Sorry I’m unavailable… the horrors of reality insist upon themselves.

Just shared via WeChat:

The History Channel, because where else are you going to learn about how aliens were instrumental in the development of humanity?

Trending via Facebook:

Rest here, weary doom-scroller, you’ve seen enough bullshit for one day.

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